Data loss stream of consciousness recollection

I was enjoying the "Do you have some starlight " thread that boomerang started, the nicest and compassionate stories were coming through from everyone.

I posted a story there and it took me about 2hrs. to write, (I am so slow). I didn't save it.

Oh my! The starlight! That was an absolute classic, boomer has to re-post it.

Though somehow the idea of evanescent starlight is nice -- existing only in memory -- snowfall of flowers...

(I could probably re-write it for ya, paulaj...)

Oh your cute. It's GONE forever, oh well it wasn't meant to be saved ;-)

I just logged on about five minutes ago and began looking for the "Starlight Thread"... I hope she will repost it.

By the way PJ...I read your "snowfall of flowers"...even though the words are lost, I still remember it.

I remember less, but mostly stuff Sozobe's already mentioned. My Hazes thread, yeah (pronounciation: think "matzes", but without the "t" and with a much longer "a"), which I posted lyrics and news stories to and one post about my reaction vs those of friends, and the whole class thing in it. The news stuff and lyrics I could repost, tho I doubt I will (you don't 'redo' a mourning thing), but I remember talking with my therapist about him yesterday and thinking, no I dont need to tell her anything I'll just send her that post. Havent got a clue what was in it exactly, except that it was one of those identity things (I'm trying to regain my own identity). Also remember Ehbeth posting two replies, one with an interesting detail about how text messaging had spiked and one about her own 'secret' "Hazes", a singer with a female-sounding, Italian name.

What else. The bookie thread, au posting that article and you saying you'd been feeling a bit "futile" lately about your campaign work but that this had given you some new "fuel" - and thinking go, Soz, and - perhaps, I should not post sceptical stuff so much anymore, like, I dont want to undermine "my" side's efforts. And then rejecting that thought again.

I remember Timber referring to a lot of interesting historic stats, links included, and concluding that if the very last polls have one up by at least 3,5%, it's practically impossible for him to lose the actual elections - and then posting the latest version of my graphs, which happened to have Bush up by, like, 3,6%.

I remember the biggest long-ass post I've ever written for, ironically, the "does my husband have a porn addiction" thread - first talking, what I hadnt done before, about my feelings about porn (mostly something between disgust and indifference), and then going into why, then, am I coming back to these threads ever again, what is it that I'm really responding to here?

I clustered it in numbered things, even - something like
1) consistency/fairness (incl. how, when he refuses to give up something for her, its a sign of lacking love, but when she insists on him giving up something thats apparently important to him, its somehow not);
2) unrealistic expectations vs. a more healthy, "grown-up" concept of a relationship (belonging together versus belonging to each other, being there for each other vs. taking responsibility for your own problems and insecurities, etc);
3) borders/limits (do your shared vows extend to the other's thoughts as well as his actions, and how pushing too far into the other's mind & space can lead him/her to just retreat into ever more secretive domains, bringing up trust issues next); and
4) accepting difference: that the other will always act in some ways you won't ever be able to understand, and the risk of "judging his thoughts" by the standards of what you consider one "needs" and "doesn't need" to do, yourself - esp. when it comes to experiences of one's sexuality (I remember bringing up my ex-girlfrends' .

All that in reply to a post that should still be there. I remember getting really frustrated about writing that post and taking forever about it, perhaps an hour or more, so it must have been important for some reason, even if I don't have any feeling about it (the first & only thing I thought about having lost when I heard of the outage was the Hazes thing, even though that one post there mebbe took me five, ten minutes to write.)

I remember stopping myself from just randomly browsing around A2K - I just wanted to go to bed - and instead focusing on writing whatever I apparently needed to write. I am really trying to get down to that, otherwise this place is going to cost me whole swathes of my days. Hence, I guess, remembering mostly my own posts.

I remember posting something to the "what made you smile today" thread, I think, but haven't got a clue what. And I remember a whole conversation with a bunch of nice people (you, Dag, Msolga, Letty) on the "what song best describes your life at this moment" thread, after I'd posted a Guy Davis lyric there, and Dag asking for an e-mail with all the gossip on the conference ;-).

I'm afraid that the starlight thread has itself become starlight. There were some beautiful stories there - I remember your flower story vividly, paulaj. I'm glad we all enjoyed it.

That thread was helping me get through a trembly time and I really kind of grieved when it went missing. I was going to post something about how beautiful my little rescue cat had become in just six weeks....

But I got the lawn mowed, the cleaned out the fridge and started in on the garage....

Funny how you can grieve something you wrote (or others wrote!) that got lost ... makes you think.

For one, about using something as eva- evanes - evanescent? as a web forum for a diary!

That starlight thread sure sounds like it was something special and beautiful ...

I tried Sozobe's trick with finding a Google cache for it, but no.

Good enough :-)