@stoneqr,
1. A matter of tense. With the first you could presently be dead, speaking to a fella in a coffin who had actually been killed of course, in one way or another. Maybe his estranged wife was listening
2. Stone that's a very good q. Ordinarily, yes, they had been strict. To establish one of the other two meanings satisfactorily might require more words
Eg, Should they have been so strict with their children as the Jones were with theirs...