2
   

What should I do with this friendship

Forums:
Email this Topic • Print this Page
 
 
Dedra12
 
Reply Tue 9 Aug, 2016 12:10 am

Well it all started about a year ago when my friend got together with a new guy. For about a month it was like any other new relationship it wasn't until 2 and a half months in I notice the relationship was "weird"
She would start acting different in a sense that she would drop anything and everything if he called and asked to see her. I let that go because girl get like that when they like a. Guy but once it got violent I Didnt know what to do she would tell me all these stories about how he checked her phone and slapped her or punched her because she was texting other guys then she started only going there after 2am and was using my house to wait for him to get back home from whatever he would be doing that night and he would get mad at her if she didn't Go . Soon enough to with all these late night visit she got pregnant by the third month of them know one another. Once she told him she was pregnant he first denied it for about a week then after it set it he then started telling her to get an abortion, she didn't they kept the baby and throughout her pregnancy I belatedly saw her because he would not like her hanging out with friends or even talking to us for that matter. I have spoken to her about it multiple times. And when we have the convo she says how she knows it's a bad relationship but she loves him and doesn't want to give up......
But it's starting to really bother me because I'm sick of the situation as much as I've told her not to involve me in this situation she continues calling me to speak about it like I care.
Now 5 months after giving birth she is pregnant agian and says she is going to keep it
At this point I just don't know. I do not want to be a bad friend but I cannot keep hearing about her get slapped punched kicked and spit on one day then How much she loves him and wants to be with him forever
I've given so much advice but now I'm just tired of repeating myself and hearing about it the thing is I think even if she doesn't talk to me about her relationship I still don't want to talk to o her because I know she's still putting herself through it after getting hit, thrown out in the street in the middle of the night and she even stays after he gave her a permanent std
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 149 • Replies: 1
No top replies

 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Tue 9 Aug, 2016 05:51 am
@Dedra12,
I think you realize you are enabling her. You are giving her a place to go, and someone to vent to, who isn't a therapist, a cop, or her mother.

I understand you want to be supportive and I imagine you can see there are now going to be two innocent children mixed up in this catastrophe.

If you provide an ultimatum, you may make things a lot worse for her and/or never see her again. But I can understand your not wanting to be used anymore.

Maybe the thing to do is to start leaning, but gently, on her. Let's call her Amy.

  1. "Amy, you can't stay here tonight; I've got company."
  2. "Amy, why don't you come over tomorrow and bring the baby and we'll have a nice girls' night and watch a chick flick?"
  3. "Amy, now that we're in the Emergency Room, I feel you need to tell the whole truth to the doctor. I will be with you to support you."
  4. "Amy, have you talked to your mom recently? Please remember her to me. I've always felt she's a really understanding person."


I'm not saying these are perfect solutions but the status quo has got to change. All of these statements gently challenge the status quo. The first one gives her a little pain, yes, but it might make her think twice before she accepts his crap again. The second offers support and an escape. The third gets an impartial third party involved in order to start making a record. And the fourth is an attempt to give her a nudge to involving her parents, who will most likely also want her to stop taking it.

I went to High School with a gal who took it for years. She finally felt empowered enough to take her son (who was not her abuser's child) and leave. Whenever I see her on social media (she lives in another state), I tell her how strong and brave she is.

Right now, your friend is scared. She is probably hearing from him about how horrible a person she is. She needs someone to tell her otherwise. It's a way to get her to stop believing that.
0 Replies
 
 

 
  1. Forums
  2. » What should I do with this friendship
Copyright © 2026 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 05/10/2026 at 11:07:00
▲ ▼