BBB's first husband went broke trying to raise penguins

BBB's first husband went broke trying to raise penguins

I was thinking about my youth a couple of days ago and recalled my first husband going broke trying to raise penguins. I remembered how exasperated I'd get with him as I watched our savings shrink. One day, when my patience had gone south, I confronted him.

"Don't you think that its time you got rid of those penguins?" I asked for the tenth time.

"Ok! Ok!" he groused, "I've had it with your nagging me about those stupid birds,"

My husband's money making scheme to raise penguins on his ranch was a financial disaster as the Great Depression grew worse. It had been a good idea when he first heard there was going to be a great demand for penguins. He dipped into our savings and bought 100 to raise on our small ranch. I was angry from the very beginning because he hadn't discussed it with me first. I knew I would end up having to do a lot of the work caring for the birds.

A few months later the penguin market dried up and my husband had to find a way to get rid of them before he lost any more of our money. He secretely was relieved by my complaints about his money losing venture. Now he could blame me for having to get rid of the penguins and his friends wouldn't laugh at his bad business judgment.

My husband tried, but failed to sell the penguins. Desperate, he herded the penguins into his truck and started driving the 75 miles to the city where he wanted to donate them to the city zoo. Along the way he became thirsty and stopped at a small café to get a cup of coffee and buy gas. As he parked the truck, he noticed a young man standing by his truck.

"Morning, how ya doing?"

"Morning, doing ok."

"You from around here?"

"Nope, jest passing through, lookin for work."

"Not much work round here."

"You got that right."

"Would ya like to make a few bucks?"

"Sure."

"My name's Jeb; what's yer's?"

"Sam," they shook hands. "What's the job?"

"Well, I was wondering if ya'd be willing to take them penguins to the city zoo if I gave ya five bucks?"

"That's all I gotta do?"

"Yep."

"It's a deal."

My husband and his savior shook hands on their contract. They herded the penguins into Sam's truck. My husband handed Sam a fiver and gave him directions to the zoo.

My husband was happy to have the penguins off his hands as he drove home to give me the good news.

The next day, my husband had to drive to town to buy supplies. On the way he stopped at the same café. He was drinking his coffee when he looked out the window and saw Sam drive up with the 100 penguins still in his truck. My husband ran out to the parking lot.

Sam waved at my husband. "I've been driving round lookin' all over fer ya."

"Why ya been lookin fer me?

"I did just like ya tole me ta do."

"What in tarnation you doin back here with them. You was supposed to take em to the zoo!"

"I did take em to the zoo and they had a real good time. But I still got some of the $5 you give me so I'm gonna take em to a baseball game today."

My husband stared at Sam in disbelief.

"If ya tell me where yer ranch is, I can bring them back tonight after the game."

Later that night, the sheriff stopped a young man for driving without headlights.

"What happened to yer lights?"

"A crazy old man busted em with his fists."

Well, that was the last straw. After I drove to the jail to bail out my husband, I stopped by my lawyer's office and filed for divorce. My lawyer asked what I wanted to site as the cause for my divorce petition; was it infidelity?

"No," I replied, "it was those damn penguins."

To make a long story short, I got the ranch in my divorce settlement because the judge felt sorry for me being married to such a dumb man. I didn't want to have the burden of running a ranch and wanted to move to the big city.

I was very lucky. A man named Dyslexia came along at just the right time and he bought the ranch. People from town still gossip about seeing this strange skinny man with long blond hair running around his ranch with his shotgun, yelling at invisible penguins to get off his land.

I hear he has a little green parrot named Fred, who screams all day long, "Incoming--- Penguin alert!"

Poor soul, must be one of them a bird brains.

BBB