How to trust husband after talking to another girl

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Last week I looked at my phone bill and saw that my husband had send 2900 messages, mostly all to one women, within a week. I confronted him about it and he said he was talking to a women that he worked with. He said it was about 90% work related and 10% her complaining about her boyfriend. He said that I have nothing to worry about at all. The next morning I asked to read the messages just to be able to let this go, but he said that he had deleted them the morning of the day I found out. He again said I have absolutely nothing to worry about and he would never text her again. I feel like I have become a crazy person because now I look at who he text every day. He did text the girl again on Monday, only once, and I don't see a message coming back. I want to be able to trust him, he has never given me a reason not to. How can I shake this and not turn into a crazy women? I don't think my husband would ever cheat on me, because he was cheated on in his last marriage and is so against it, but I don't trust other women.

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@JenA82,

The trust issue is with you and not your husband. You should seek counseling to get you over this jealousy streak that is not healthy and counter productive to any relationship.

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@JenA82,

JenA82 wrote:

I feel like I have become a crazy person because now I look at who he text every day.

that is crazy behaviour

instead of looking at his texts, ask your husband to go for a walk with you

focus on the positives in your relationship - make more positive connections

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@JenA82,

JenA82 wrote:

Last week I looked at my phone bill and saw that my husband had send 2900 messages, mostly all to one women, within a week.

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It sounds like you are in a tough spot. I have been cheated on before and completely understand why you are concerned. The fact he deleted the messages would also make me curious.

Since he has never cheated or given you a reason to think he has cheated I would let it go for now. Maybe go to counseling or keep an open line of communication between you and your husband. Maybe try and take a weekend getaway.

I wish you all the best. :-)

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@Cinderellie74,

Thank you so much. I am trying so hard to let this go, but it is very hard. I think if he wouldn't have deleted the messages and I could have seen them it would be easier to get over. It is very hard for me also, because he moved for his job but comes home on his days off. It is a whole new situation that I am trying my best to deal with.

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@chai2,

What exactly is that "Wow" about? The texts were actually 2885 to back and forth between the two, and the rest to other people. Are you trying to say that is not a lot? or too much? Since his total text any other month are only 300 I think that is a big difference.

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@JenA82,

JenA82 wrote:

What exactly is that "Wow" about? The texts were actually 2885 to back and forth between the two, and the rest to other people. Are you trying to say that is not a lot? or too much? Since his total text any other month are only 300 I think that is a big difference.

2900 messages?

Really?

If he were texting someone 16 hours a day for 7 days, that's more than 25 texts an hour, or 1 every 2 minutes or so.

Even if when you say "most", if the texts to this woman was only 51% of the 2900 total that's still 13 texts an hour, or one every 4 minutes. That's not even including texts received from her, or texts he made to anyone else, or received from anyone else.

So you notice the "wow" but can do the simple math above?

I'm all ears as to how in a 7 day period someone managed to send that many texts.

At first you said they were texts from him, now you're saying they are texts back and forth.
However it stands that for than many texts to be sent, there would have had to have been a text every 2 minutes 16 hours a day for 7 days
You did say all this occured within a week, which last time I looked was 7 days.

When did anyone have time to do anything else?

Sorry, didn't mean to confuse you with logic.

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@JenA82,

JenA82 wrote:

because he moved for his job but comes home on his days off.

I'm curious how you check his texts everyday if he's only home on his days off. Is there an app for that?

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@ehBeth,

I don't actually look at his texts, but my t-mobile account will let you look at the numbers for phone calls and text messages sent and received. When I noticed they were all to the same number, a number that I didn't know, that raised some concern.

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@JenA82,

so you look at your account every day now? that sure isn't healthy

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@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

I'm curious how you check his texts everyday if he's only home on his days off. Is there an app for that?

I'm curious as to how someone sends and receives 2900 texts in 7 days.

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@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

I'm curious how you check his texts everyday if he's only home on his days off. Is there an app for that?

She's likely looking at the account history. I've had several carriers, and it's common to show number of texts, phone calls, duration, etc.

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