Dating an ex again.

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My ex and I dated for about a year and things fizzled when I went to college and he was still at high school... he used the line "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" and my heart hurt for a long time.

For six months we didn't talk, I sent him a graduation card, which from others I heard that he didn't even open it and that I made him upset and so forth. I sent his mother a card when her mother passed away and then saw him at a friends graduation party and he saw me and left.

I still found myself talking about him to friends, family, etc. and after the grad. party inncident I was unsure about everything until he sent me an e-mail. A very heartfelt e-mail about how he missed me, that he tried to tell himself that he hated me, but he couldn't.

I had just started dating someone else, an older guy, and was talking to my ex again at that time, when I decided that I wasn't interested in the older guy, so I told him that after one date I didn't want to see him again.
The older guy flipped out and had people call my cell phone as well as my home phone @ 4 am.

So I called my ex, and he promised he'd stay on the phone with me until things calmed down... he said that he was worried about me and my safety.

From that moment on, I've talked to him almost every night. I've also seen him secretly too, and I still think, and know that I'm still in love with him.

I'm just unsure as to what this is... is it unusual for this to happen? I'm happy with the way things are now, but I can't help but wish for more...

We've also had sex again, GREAT amazing sex... and we've used the word "love" plenty of times... Rolling Eyes

He's leaving for college soon and would like to have a relationship with him again if possible, but I'm just so confused as to what's going on... any advice would be great.

Thanks.

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Oooh. If this were any situation but leaving for college, I'd be more inclined to say "go with it". But it's hard to think of a situation worse for starting off a relationship (and this will be a start, even though you were together before) than having one partner go off to college, especially for the first time.

Good luck.

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Quicksilver,

I'd caution you not to read anything into your ex-helping you out when you needed it--including the great sex aspect.

You were/are in a situation of flux and change. Your life is moving forward and you have all the world at your feet. Don't cling to the past, and don't read into sex something that it isn't. Your ex likely feels he was your knight in shining armor, you both got happy, had a great time, but he's still your ex, and likely for a reason. Don't become enraptured with something that isn't, unless it actually is.

If things are more than you posted, then stop, give full focus to the situation and use some logic. If the situation has indeed changed, then link back up with the ex and see where that road takes you. However, this isn't often the case. More often a side road on the way to real life.

Please give the interlude and preceeding drama only the real attention it deserves, nothing more.

Hey, life is busy, now so are you. Very Happy

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AngryWaves:

The sex is secondary it's not like I saw him that one time and we just screwed, but rather we just talked for about 2 weeks first. But still the sex did happen. I just wish that it could be either black or white, instead of this inbetween grey area.

I'm probably going to not think about it anymore, remain in the friends mode ESPECIALLY seeing as we'll both be in seperate colleges, and see where it leads.

And if it continues to haunt me, I'll probably cut him off for good.

As for the relationship fizzle; we just had one fight and he broke it off with me.

I guess that's all that there really is to do wait.

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It is my opinion that all high school relationships should end immediately after graduation. College is a time of growing, changing, finding out who you are as a person (not defined by the clique you hung out with in high school) and learning to think for yourself. People change. Who you were dating in High School is not the same person you are dating now. The same can be said of you. Often people grow in the opposite directions. There is no need to hang onto the past if the present is so different. Don't waste your time breaking up then getting back together then breaking up then getting back together...just move on.

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I think that your advice is wise Milwaukee, however some high school/ college students already know who they are, as was the case with me.

My parents divorced when I was 5, and growing up I had to deal with a younger sister dealing with terrible bouts of depression, suicide attempts, you name it, as well as dealing with the death of my step-father/mentor the September of my senior year of high school.

With the events in my past I know who I am as a person, I know what I want in life, I know what I am capable of doing and know all too well that sometimes you have to take a chance, or a risk... because as seen with my 59 year old stepfather life is too short.

I may be only 19, but I've experienced life... I am not a clique type of person and I never was- I know how they can tear people up inside as seen with my younger sister.

I know that I asked for advice, however I feel that I'm being belittled because of my age and the fact that all in all people change, but sometimes change can be a good thing.

I guess optimism helps in life. Doesn't it? Smile

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Optimism is a beautiful thing. Absolutely. But reality has a way of kicking optimism square in the teeth.

You're 19? Nowhere near who you'll be five years from now. That is, if you allow yourself to live and grow and progress.

Trust us. We've all been there in one way or another.

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And I think the more pertinent point -- from my perspective anyway -- is how your ex will react to the high school - to college transition. That is one of the biggest transitions in anyone's life. If you were right there, I think it would still be a really difficult thing to pull off, as he experiences college life for the first time, the freedom, the parties, meeting new people. If it's a long-distance relationship on top of all of that... Well, the odds are really stacked against it working, put it that way.

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It wasn't my intention to belittle you at all. I was just stating that college is a time when people change and grow. There is nothing wrong with that. It happened to me. It is nice that you are confident in yourself and know what you want. In that sense you are a step ahaead of where I was at your age. But, you are only half of the equation. Your boyfriend/ex-boyfriend may not be as mature as you are. Perhaps he still has some growing and exploring to do.

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I think after a turbulent childhood you are tired of gray areas and anxious for an established life with details that you can count on.

You also seem to be wise enough to accept that you'll have to grit your teeth and wait to see what will happen.

Hold your dominion.

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I am thankful for all of your advice.

However, when upon asking advice one already is aware of what he or she ultimatly will do.

I apreciate the honesty from those who don't really know me, and that's what I needed was to hear from someone who wasn't aware of the situation.

I haven't even told some of my friends about this, mainly because I'm tired of their gossip pseudo high school way of life... which sadly, some have not grown out of, and probably never will.

So thank you for being honest and not letting my heart get in the way of my thinking.

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Well the ex just got to college today. We aren't dating, or together, we're just friends, although things probably couldn't be better between us now in the friends with benifits factor.

I'm not getting my heart into this again, because chances are I'll end up being the one that gets hurt again, as most females do. Embarrassed

I'm not going to be calling him every day, or even at all. I figure if he needs/wants to call me than he can do that and I'm not going to be the one IMing him on AIM either.

I'll see what happens, I'll try and keep everyone updated as to the goings on... and maybe I'll find someone else to fill the ex void, or remain single and happy too.... wow the best of both worlds can come from an ex/friend with benefits....

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