A Winner Has Been Detected!!!

Raise your glasses, ladies and gents, an incredible reversal of fortune has occurred!

My computer, a Dell laptop 50,0000000 or something, an intuitive fellow/lass/thing, who has always been relatively dependable but whom I have never depended upon in matters of self-worth/self esteem, my dear dear computer has just now delivered its humble owner some very encouraging news.

Yes! A tiny window, containing a yellow triangle and an exclamation mark--the "caution" symbol I presume--just popped-up onto my screen as I entered this VERY site, proclaiming that "A Winner Has Been Detected."

As I am the only person in this apartment, the only person within a 100 foot radius of the computer, I realized the computer was addressing me.
I AM A WINNER! Finally!

Not only was this news to me, but also a shock, since I have on a regular, okay a daily basis been referred to in public, by complete strangers, as a loser, or "that goddamn perverted loser." Had I any close friends, perhaps they would say the same. But that too has changed! Almost immediately after the first message popped up, it was followed by a second that told me that I "Have 5 Messages!" O, from whom? I can't wait to meet my new friends.

Well, thanks for sharing in this special moment with me. You understand, of course, that I can no longer commiserate with all of you pathetic losers anymore, now that I am a great, great winner. That's all for now, time to drink Thunderbird and play yet another game of Connect Four against my alter-ego, "Lord Awesome."

Ta-ta.