Self worth, value.

Reply Fri 8 Jan, 2016 07:09 am
Hi all, I have been struggling for years, attempting to understand, the reasoning behind the human pursuit and dependency, on feeling worthwhile and valued, of wearing a price tag with a high number.

What is the inner mechanics of shame? Does it feel as threatening and dangerous to you as well?

Humans have basic survival needs like food and shelter,
Why does value occupy such a vital position on that list?

I am specifically intrigued regarding the threat and survival aspect in it, please share your view and experience,
Thank you very much.
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think rethink
Reply Mon 18 Jan, 2016 06:27 pm
@think rethink,
The need to feel worthy to ones self, is most likely a byproduct of the need to present ones self, valuable and useful to others.

The later is impossible without the former, since humans detect it quite easily and conform accordingly.

Here's a possibility.

Shame, is likely a trigger of a very specific traumatic panic.

When we begin our existence as infants, we are so vulnerable, so fragile.

We fully depend on the interest and acceptance of our parents, to attract their crucially needed, effort and sacrifice (care).

To make matters worse, Our parents are only willing to invest in us on condition that we accept their ideals, values, and embrace the lifestyle and agenda, they had planned and decided for us, before concluding to create us.

Even if they will reluctantly provide limited assistance without preconditions, due to pity,

The bitterness, disappointment, and the sense of being sucked and forced,
Will produce enough threat and insecurity to the child, that it is forced to accept whatever exorbitant price demanded, to earn their acceptance.

All of the above combined, is constructing a deep, effective association, between the quest for acceptance by others, with the panic and paranoia, of traumatic demise.

When we are shamed in front of friends at age fifty, it triggers the fear and worry of the infant, about becoming abandoned, lonely, harmed, and losing its survival feed, of nurture, assistance, and care.

As adults, We still need acceptance from others.

But it's less then one percent of what an infant needs.

It's a totally different breed in every aspect.

The more we recognize, that with our development, our dependency reduces, and transforms into a much less vital breed,

The less will shame traumatize us, the less will social fear restrain us, and obstruct our path to achievement and success.

It's the fact, that these two social animals, dress up in identical costumes, that is prompting us to view and process them as the very same.

Merely recognizing, that extreme shame is simply a unique form of profound panic from an expired period in life, appearing unjustified in positions and locations, it's not entitled too,

Should somewhat reduce the pain in shame,
and the restrictions, frantically attempting to avoid shame, brings on us.

To sum it up,

As long as we require assistance from others, losing value in their eyes will cause us fear and worry.

But the extend of the trauma, is due to the replay of early life dependency on the immense investment and sacrifice, of one's parents, every time ones approval in the eyes of others is hindered or threatened.

Between one and himself, all he needs, is the safety and tranquility required to experience inner joy,

With affluent inner joy, one needs no worthiness at all.

But because we need the cooperation of others to be safe, we therefore need to believe in our value so that they can too.

Just like hunger turns food into a core need indirectly,

So is honor an indirect need
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