all circumstances considered, i do not think I should tell her I have cheated...

I will try and keep this brief but get all the relevant points across,

I have been with my girlfriend for six months, I was working near her area when I met her but my work there was always going to end and it was my intent to keep the relationship low key so I could break it when I left the area as I always had plans to travel. Things got extremely emotional towards the end, we both were getting very upset, she would hate me at times and I would question my decision. We fell madly in love and it became impossible to be apart. I wanted to be with her. Finally we admitted are true feelings to each other. I had already flights booked by this point but only for three months were primary purpose was language acquisition. We decided I could do this small trip work on learning a language then not be apart thereafter.

Erstwhile, there was a reoccurring problem with the relationship. I am 23 and she is 33. Something that I am quite happy about but she seems not to have come to terms with which frustrates me as It makes me feel too young for her. She has not had children either so wants them which she said in about 3 years. I have said I will need 5 years to be ready. This we agree to work out and it is worth some compromise on either side to stay together.

While all the stuff has caused me some confusion but now I have been away a few weeks I have done something terrible and indulged in some hedonism with another women. I did nothing to encourage it. I did not want it. But somehow didnt have the balls to say 'back off', i am a taking man'. Which normally, a man would never have to do. But that would have been the only way to stop this. I hated myself for it. Despised myself even. I've been restless and trying to think of some resolve. If anything its made me feel even stronger feelings towards her and know that I could never ever cheat again(it was my first and last time). I want to be with her. In some ways I don't even want to be out here travelling. I'm lovesick, guilty and confused.

All considering I am pretty certain that my best course of action is to live with the guilt and not tell her and I will say why. She is 33 and had a terrible 11 year relationship with a cheat. I am the first guy she has loved since 6 years ago. She is delicate and insecure. She has some bad anxiety problems and I am the first guy she has kissed in public, held hands with , looked into eyes during sex. I have done a lot for her she would say. And she has done a lot for me too and we have a strong ying yang relationship. If I was to tell her I literally think it could ruin her life. completely ruin her life. I truely love her and I am not a cheat and would never do it again. We are working on future plans and I want to be with her. I think I should suck up the guilt, shouldn't I?