What do I do about this?

Was the man you suspected the only man there?

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apparently you are always going to have trust issues. have you and your wife gone for counselling to talk about this? it seems like you could really use the support.

my guess would be that she didn't tell you because she knew you'd have a problem with it

she probably doesn't believe this

Just because she and others were invited to this get together doesn't mean she knew who all would be there or who all were invited.

It was her leaving party/ get together and she was the one who invited everyone

He was the only man there yes.
I only have trust issues as she seems to neglect to tell me little details all the time, especially regarding him.
I really would have been fine with it if she'd told me, I'm really not a possessive person.

Since I put up the post, she came home from the night out and told me he was there without me prompting her about (I suspect this was because her friend put it on Facebook).
She also told me that she found out last night that the guys wife left him a few months ago for a woman, and that now he is in a relationship with one of the girls from the office (who was also there) and that she was also married and I suspect the guy was one of the causes of her leaving her husband.
My wife didn't seem upset about this information so I don't think anything was going on between her and him.
I can't help but think to myself now that I was right to worry about his flirtatious nature and that had I night interviewed when I did that he would we'll have made a move on my wife.
When we spoke about all the issues in the past I said I was fine with male friends so long as I knew about them and there was no flirting etc going on and as far as I'm aware she didn't have much contact with him after that apart from being at work obviously.

In your post you said that you wouldn't have had a problem with him being there if she had mentioned that he was going to be there. I suspect that is not a true statement. You already had trust issues regarding this guy. So, I suspect that she also knew that you were going to have a problem with her inviting him. That's probably the reason she didn't want to tell you. I see two issues here. The first issue is the obvious. You don't trust this guy and she knows that you don't trust this guy. The second issue is she may be showing disrespect toward you by inviting the one guy who she knows you don't trust. The one and only guy she invites just happen to be the one guy you told her that you suspected her of having an affair with. If he were not the only guy invited, it might not have been as disrespectful. She made sure that he would be the only guy invited to this all girl get together. The disrespect toward you couldn't be anymore blatant.

You don't know this, so why make this statement? The OP stated that this guy was now seeing another female co-worker, so maybe, just maybe, this other female co-worker asked him to go with her. I see that as just as plausible as his wife asking only this guy to show up.

who cares about him and his flirtatious nature and whether he'd make a move on your wife? none of that matters if you trust your wife

there are tons of guys to flirt with out in the world. it doesn't make a spit of difference if your partner isn't interested in leaving you

you really don't seem to trust her

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both Set and I flirt with people every dang day. it doesn't mean we want to be with them. it's part of breathing for us.

years ago, when A2k first started up, I publicly challenged myself to take the dog for a walk around the block without flirting. I was only successful if there was no one outside.

The fact this guy is seeing another female co-worker is totally irrelevant. He could be seeing this other female co-worker while at the same time flirting with this guy's wife. It's not just because he was the only guy invited. It's not just because he already told her that he suspected her of having an affair with this guy. It's not just because she chose not to tell him she invited this guy. It's all of those things put together. She obviously is taking her man for being a gullible and clueless chump. I suspect that she knows what she did is wrong and unforgiveable. That's why this is so blatantly disrespectful. Part of being in a relationship is showing mutual respect.

I do trust her otherwise I wouldn't be letting her go out on girly nights..
I think my main issue at the moment is that she didn't tell me he was going to be there and she invited everyone, it almost makes me feel as if she thinks I'm stupid and wouldn't realise shed asked him.
Despite what you all keep saying about not believing me when I say I'd of been fine with it, I would have had she told me she'd invited him.
I don't know whether to let it go and leave it say something about why she didn't tell me and end up having another argument over it...
How many other "girly nights" has he been to and I wasn't told?? Why neglect to tell me about just him being there

"letting her go out" ???
I take that as a rather primitive concept in 2015.

have you told her that you know the guy was there?

if not, leave it alone.

the time to say something was the day you saw the pix with him - and then just say something like "hey, saw that Bob was at the party. how was it having a guy there?"

if you've already said something about it, leave it alone. you know it will lead to an argument. there is no upside to bringing it up later. it'll just be proof to her that you've still got an issue about the guy - and to continue to hide things from you.

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you don't trust her about this guy (is it just this guy that bugs you?). she doesn't trust you enough to tell you stuff that she knows will upset you.

you both need to work on it - maybe with a counsellor

that was an odd turn of phrase wasn't it

I can't imagine letting Set do anything - or him letting me do anything

doesn't feel like a relationship between grown-ups

Bad choice of words maybe, I was just getting at the fact if I was having real trust issues I would have been funny about her going out without me and also we 2 young children so if one of goes out for the evening the other has to do everything, which before you all kick off I don't mind.
It's is just this guy to be honest she has other male friends and they have never bothered me.
She seemed to change when her friendship with him started. She changed her hair she became obsessed with dieting and exercising and lost a lot of weight, downloaded snapchat and used it with him but none of her other friends, I started to get saucy pics of her in her underwear, and she started to do overtime at work weekends and evenings when we didn't need the money.
For awhile she also wanted to have sex with me more and is often come into the room and find her wearing lingerie for me.
After I confronted her about it all and she "convinced" me nothing was going on she stopped exercising, she's put all the weight back on, she deleted snapchat as I asked her to and now I don't ever get any sexy pics, she didn't want to work the overtime anymore and now we don't have sex as much as we was before and she never wears her lingerie for me.
It still makes me think that she was cheating on me but when I confronted her about it all she got scared and stopped it all and that why she ultimately wanted to leave her job.
I try my best not to hold on to it all and bring it up as I love her to bits and don't want to argue but doesn't that all seem like signs of someone who is having an affair???

Oh and we're both nearly 30 have been married for 3 years and together for 13 year with 2 children so I'd like to think we are indeed in a relationships between grown up

After you had confronted her about your suspicions, it sounds like she was afraid that you knew what was going on with her and this other guy. It also sounds like she is trying to make this whole thing just go away. She wants to leave her job where this other guy works. She deleted the Snapchat she had with this guy. I think she realized that she made a mistake and is trying to find away out of this situation. You might want to give her another chance. I would also tell her that you like it when she sends you saucy sexy pics. Tell her that you like it when she wears sexy lingerie for you. Tell her you like having more sex. Simply tell her all the things that you like. Maybe she likes doing those kind of things for you. Maybe she stop doing those things for you because she thought that would only make you suspicious. Who knows, maybe she always wanted to give you all of that special attention and wasn't sure how receptive you would be. That could also be the reason she may have contemplating cheating. Tell her you love that kind of attention, just as long as it is directed toward you and only you.

Update on an old thread I know but could do with some help again, if people read the previous replies and the post I don't need to explain again but,
I was throwing some trash out today and I noticed in the outside bin my wife had thrown away a lot of old underwear however amongst them was a lot of her old sexy underwear like French knickers and nice bras, I asked her why and she said she was just getting rid of old horrible stuff that doesn't fit anymore.
Some of this stuff she brought the same time previous event were going in and I've never seen her wear them so why throw them out if they've never been worn, and they are a smaller size and she's going to the gym so would be able to fit in them again.
Makes me wonder if it bring back memories for her of something so she's gotten rid of them not expecting me to see?
What do you guys think?
Thanks