Im concerned about the welfare of my neice and nephew..

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I love my sister to death but i feel as if she is a neglectful parent and idk wvat to do. What to do. Everytime i go visit her house is disgusting. The jitchen and living room has dirty dishes so old the food has hardened and the milk in old bottles has spoiled. Theres always dirty diapers all over the floor and whatever crumbs embedded in the floor. Her bathroom smells like mildew and pee. The babys crib has never had any sort of crib sheets. Nothing but a bare mattress. The kids dont look malnourished but they definitely dont eat right. For example, the last time i was there i made myself food and i felt i had a dog at my feet begging for food in the form of a one year old boy. He was almost crawling up my leg. I got up to find something for them to eat and she didnt move off the couch. Then her and her boyfriend made food for themselves and instead of making their children something they just had them eat off of whatever they were eating. (the three yr old refused the healthy cooked carrots and just wanted my sisters hot pockets. To top it off my three yr old neice is still not pottt trained and shes definitely ready, i just dont think they work with her and when i asked her about colors she didnt know what they were and then got upset and no longer wanted to talk to me. Theres absolutely no discipline including when the three yr old got into an ashtray on the porch. I need direction. I know my sister loves her kids but does this warrant cps involvement??

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 499 • Replies: 15

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@Jmw2owl,

Quote:

does this warrant cps involvement

Definitely.

1 Reply

@Pearlylustre,

Probably. If she's discussed with her sister to no effect, then definately

1 Reply

@roger,

I have and her brother has. And she gets defensive and tells us we have no right to criticize her parenting when we arent parents ourselves.

1 Reply

@Jmw2owl,

It sounds like they could use some parenting support.

Is there anyone in the community they listen to?

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

Not sure. There's not really the best role models where they live. And family isnt very supportive. Her brother and myself are pretty much the only ones there for her.

1 Reply

@Jmw2owl,

Does either of the parents work?

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

Both do. I honestly believe she might be depressed. Her boyfriend is awful. He is the most uninvolved parent/partner ive ever seen. All ive ever seen him do is eat/sleep/play video games/be on his phone. Ive told her this and shes left him numerous times but she always takes him back. This last time he even used an engagement to lure her back and just went right back to the way hes always been. I just dont know what to do or say.

1 Reply

@Jmw2owl,

Your description of the situation does make it sound like at least one of them is depressed. Where are the children while they're both at work? Does someone care for them?

As your niece is 3, they should be preparing her for pre-school/junior kindergarten. In a lot of jurisdictions, children will not be accepted for pre-school/jk if they are not toilet trained.

Maybe you could try having light conversation about how exciting it is that your niece will be going to school soon - ask where she'll be going - have they visited the school yet - made plans for schedule changes when school starts etc etc . Obviously not all of the questions at once Smile

Is there any way you can go out for a walk/park visit with your sister/niece/nephew when you visit? Even a visit to the McDonald's or Ikea play areas could help if they're around. Being outside of the home might help her frame of mind.

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@ehBeth,

Usually her brother or neighbor babysit while theyre at work. The schedules usually work out that they dont need a babysitter though. Shes never mentioned anything about preschool for the 3yr old but rhats a good idea to go to a park to talk about things. What about the condition of the home though. Im really concerned at the fact there are no crib sheets on the bed. And the old bottles and food are a common thing. Im worried they get into these things when the parents arent around. Last time i was over all the walls doors and windows were drawn on from not paying any attention. I get anxious when im there like i cant do anything and im worried about the kids. And i dont want my sister to think that i believe shes a bad mother.

1 Reply

@Jmw2owl,

Getting your niece into preschool/jk will get some attention for the situation without you having to be directly involved.

The more people from outside involved, the better. Someone will say something to the parents - you can help while still being supportive.

Do you think she'd be willing to clean if you or her brother offered to help her pick things up?

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

I help clean and/or clean everytime im over or babysit and she always just says "you dont have to do that" and the state of the house is the same evry time i come over. Her brother does the same

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@Jmw2owl,

Don't do it on your own. Offer to help her. It sounds like she needs some help getting started.

Offer to help, but don't do the work/cleaning etc without her working alongside you. Try something like offering to dry/put away the dishes after she's washed them (pretend you think she's about to wash the dishes). If she says no, leave it alone and try it again another time.

Perhaps you'll eventually be able to talk to her about speaking to her doctor about getting some help with her possible depression.

She works and has two small children and an unsupportive partner. That's enough to depress a lot of people.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

I agree. Im sure that she feels quite alone. You have been very helpful. Im gonna start with going to a park and talking about school. Work my way to getting her to see a doctor. Could this also be a thing where shes better off without the bf. In the times she has left him when hes gone she was almost a completely different person and the house stayed clean for the most part. Clean enough with two small kids. With your advice it has also confirmed my suspicions of her being depressed

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@Jmw2owl,

Good luck with this.

It's hard to see family, especially small children, not having the things they need.

Im concerned about the welfare of my neice and nephew..

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