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Tue 6 Jul, 2004 11:31 am
This weekend, my girlfriend's mom's capuchin monkey clawed my face. It was on my lap, trying to dig in my pockets. I didn't want it to eat my gum, so I put my hand over my pocket, and then it turned, jumped, and raked a paw across my face.
It has sharp nails.
I now have three intimidating looking red streaks across my face. Several people have asked me already how I got them. The true reason, stated above, not only takes too long but is also lame and pathetic.
So, what should I say instead? You know, to give me some street cred, to get respect, the thing I covet the most.
Did you seriously get clawed by a monkey?
stand up for pessimism wrote:Did you seriously get clawed by a monkey?
I know it sounds like something I'd say as a joke, but it's true. I had just met the monkey, and to an animal that comes from a heirarchical society, I did not have the authority to deny him anything.
It kind of stung.
RG: I would use Freddy as an excuse, if my newly marred face didn't look so much like his.
Can we see!!...Joking.
Hmm, and to think, I once wanted a monkey!
You could tell people you were attacked by a huge tiger in the jungle and you had to fight the tiger with your bare hands. It was a struggle, but you finally pinned the tiger and duct taped him, getting away with only a few scratches on your face. People will be impressed, I'm sure ;-)
Get to a doctor or ER. You are wide open for a nasty infection, Gargamel.
Yeah, remember that one movie where a monkey carried a deadly virus and infected a whole whack load of people. There was no cure for it until they found and captured the monkey. The world is a scary place.
Yeah, remember that one movie where a monkey carried a deadly virus and infected a whole whack load of people. There was no cure for it until they found and captured the monkey. The world is a scary place. Is there an echo in here??? jeeez
Reminds me of the title of a Frank Zappa (or was it the Mother of Invention) lp: "Weasels Ripped My Flesh." The cover had an illustration of a guy using a weasel to shave. Looked painful.
Anyhow, I agree with Roger--get thee to a medical facility!
Strangely enough, I was also once attacked by a monkey (no joke) but not so severely. I was at a street festival and there was an organ grinder who had the cutest little green monkey on his shoulder. I went to pet the critter and it turned 28 Days Later on me...scratched my hand and all. The organ grinder gave me the dirtiest look I have ever seen on the face of a man.
Monkeys don't like to be petted. Monkeys bite.
roger wrote:Monkeys don't like to be petted. Monkeys bite.
Thanks for telling me after the fact roger.
I would go for the none-of-your-business thing.
You wrestled Mike Tyson's tiger, now loose due to Tyson's financial troubles, and gave it an ass-whoopin'. "Back to the zoo, freak," you yelled as you swung it around your head by the tail and then sent it sailing off into the distance.
You spanked the monkey, and you almost went blind.
Okay, so, I'll have to go with the old tiger excuse. It never has failed me before.
Don't start talking about this infection sh*t. I didn't have sex with it. Once it clawed my face, sex was out of the question.
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