Surprise Party

I don't think so, Tience. She's his wife...she has every right to throw a party for him at any time she wants. She doesn't need to check with anyone first.

I know you'd like to be there, but if you can't go, you can't go. They should understand about prior commitments. There is never a perfect time when everyone can attend. You can always celebrate privately with him later.

Yes, she should have. I'm curious, could you describe her personality For example, is she very shy, or does she take offense easily, or is she bossy?

She is the boss when it comes to my son.

Uh huh. That's what I was afraid of. This isn't really about scheduling a party...sounds like it's a control thing between you and her.

Sorry, Tience, but wives come first. That's the way it's supposed to be. If you want him to have a happy marriage & a good relationship with you, don't fight with her. Make her one of your best friends.

Where's the party Tience? I might just drop in.

Maybe she should call her son and tell him when the party is.

(just kidding.)

Eva's right. Would it have been nice to call you first? Yes. Does she have to? No. The rule is: it's my party and I invite everyone to come, those who can't, we shall miss. In our family, we used to sweat bullets over who could come when till we discovered we weren't getting together at all. Then we stopped consulting and just started inviting.

Eva's right. Make that girlie your best friend. Invite them out for a dinner after the party and ask them to tell you everything that happened.
Be overjoyed at the happiness of it all and thank your daughter in law for being so loving to your son. (not kidding)

Now go and play nice.

Yes, it would have been nice. But I feel that there's a piece of info that might affect the dynamic of this situation.

Is your daughter in law acting upset or offended that you can't come to the party?

If she is, then yes, she would have been WISE to check your schedule, if your being there is considered important to her or her husband.

If this party is mostly for his friends, and you'd be the "old people" (no offense intended) in the group, then perhaps your being there is not a priority for them. In this case it would not have been necessary to check your schedule first.

If it is important, however, perhaps you and she can discuss the matter so she understands you're not attempting to offend her (I don't know her age--she might just be young enough to never have learned to check with key people before scheduling a party)

Then, you and your husband could make a fun and funny video for your son stating that you wish you could have been there and wish him the best birthday, and lots of love. If it were me, I'd make it as entertaining and funny as possible.

General Tsao

&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbspI love love love the video idea.

J

No.

In most cases, it would simply be impossible to ask each intended invitee a head of time what date would be most convenient for them. Also impossible to plan a party that would be convenient for each guest. If there was a particular reason that it was necessary or most important for you to attend then I could understand calling you first. Typically if it were an important event, you would want to ask those closest to the honored guest if certain days are good. I would think a parent falls into this category.

I think I missread initially. For some reason I assumed her daughter-in-law was throwing a party for a different son (not the one she's married to) who was still living at home. DOn't ask how I came to that conclusion, but I have to change my response to "It would have been thoughtful."

Too right!