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Does he like me or is it all just "Banter"

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cesca90
 
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 01:01 pm
I met a guy at work 9 months ago, we become close really quickly and referred to each other as best friends- saw each other after work, went for dinner etc- we have nicknames for each other and mutually flirted a lot. Most of our mutual friends constantly say we would be great together and we both laugh it off, but on numerous occasions (usually on nights out together, he starts off sober and it gets progressively more intense as he drinks) he always tells me we should be together, that his parents think we should be together and that one day he thinks we will get married. I generally tend to tell him to stop being silly although a couple of times i've agreed and we have almost kissed but we've always been interrupted. I have once or twice made the same comments back to him "when are we getting married then" to see his response and he seems to make me out to be a bunny boiler when I've said this. My big issue is, he has never once acknowledged the conversation the next day- on a couple of these occasions I have brought it up in the morning (normally in a jovial way e.g "you were very mushy last night") and his response has been "it was just banter" or "i was so smashed i don't remember"- after every 'incident' (this has now happened around 5 times) ..we end up not talking for a few weeks and from my side at least it feels very awkward. It seems to always be me who then re-starts the conversation and more recently after the last time ( a few weeks ago) I know he has stated going out more and texting other girls and I feel like he has lost interest completely. I'm upset that we seem to be losing the close friendship we had a couple of months ago, but even more so I am gutted because I felt like I was falling in love with him. We have both said "i love you" to each other from around two months into our friendship but it was always said by both sides in an "I love you buddy" sort of way..the trouble is behind all my "buddy/mates" I truly meant it.

I guess my question is, does he truly have feelings for me or is it all just banter.
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 863 • Replies: 6
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CoastalRat
 
  2  
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 01:06 pm
@cesca90,
Quote:
I guess my question is, does he truly have feelings for me or is it all just banter.
Why, oh why, do people think we can read someone's mind?

Ask him. You will get a much more accurate answer than we can give you.
cesca90
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 01:36 pm
@CoastalRat,
Now i've read it back after going over and over it in my head for months it sounds ridiculous and being honest screams the obvious answer. So much easier said than done. I will man up..one day!
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 03:27 pm
@cesca90,
I think you have a different problem, he loves you when he's drinking but doesn't remember the next day? Sounds like he is drinking too much, and some people become amorous temporarily when they reach a certain buzz level. I don't know old the 2 of you are, but don't pin your hopes on the attention of a drunk.
roger
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 03:32 pm
@glitterbag,
I think you're right. I also think this is going to be hard to accept on an emotional level.
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FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 03:33 pm
@cesca90,
If he can't commit to you after 9 months, he doesn't want to, not because he doesn't see you as something worthy perhaps the opposite, he is enjoying his freedom of dating girls, texting girls, having fun.

People actually tell the truth when they are Drunk and the way I read that is he sees you as wife material, not sleaze material but he does not want to settle down.

That's his bad luck, you aren't going to sit back and wait 12 more months are you whilst he's sowing his oats ?

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CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 04:01 pm
@cesca90,
Be happy that it hasn't worked out. Someone who doesn't know when to stop drinking and gets drunk regularly, clearly has a problem. As others have said, don't pin your hopes on a drunk.
Count your blessings and move on! In addition, you work together and it would be terrible if you had a bad relationship and have to see him every day at work.

Just take it as a sign that it wasn't meant to be!
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