Please please help me??

I need to break down your wall of type so I can read it. I don't mean to insult you by that, it's that I am used to paragraphs.

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Hi Guys, I am in desperate need of help/advise, I am a 55 year old male & together with my wife who is 51, we have been together for 38 years and married 32 of those, I am a successful business man and we have both worked together & both worked our butts off to get where we are today, we were in a very good position to retire when I was 50 which I did, my wife carried on the business with my son (her choice) however in the kindest of ways neither of them have a business brain and think the money just comes in automatically, well trust me it does not, you need to be out getting new contracts and also to make up for Some we all loose, that's business.

I have since found debts she has run up (I'm talking huge debts) that nearly finished us financially but I got involved and got it all sorted which took me some 2 years, my wife tells me absolutely nothing & lies through her teeth to get out of a situation (like her father) & her whole family are never ever wrong, we both went to see a Psychologist in the aim to find out why she does not talk, (her father is identical) they could not put there finger on it so in the end she agreed to converse with me and I thought things were looking betterI then just this week found out through a third party that she has lost another contract 4 weeks ago through no fault of hers these things do happen, but when I asked her she denied it, "why"???

So this caused another blow up. My two kids Daughter 27 & married off my son is 24 living at home always take her side, people only ever see her as the lovely laid back chilled out lady, they do not know or see that she does all of this deceitful cheating and lying behind my back I am absolutely petrified that I am going to find more debt that she has run up and then start having properties reprocessed etc. I just cannot go through that again. I am on blood pressure tablets, I have just spent a week in hospital having 2 knee replacements and my blood pressure was perfect without any medication, I came out of hospital last week and my blood pressure went through the roof so now back on medication, I'm sure this is going to put me in an early grave, I would describe my marriage as just living together as she has NO warmth what so ever toward me but at the same time will do absolutely anything for me or anyone, I'm 99% sure she still wants to be with me but again you just cannot sit her down and discuss anything with her, I just do not know what way to turn, can someone please please help/advise me please please speak your mind, you WILL NOT offend me, just please help, I am feeling so low just need to hear honest opinions.
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First of all, I sympathize. I sympathize with both of you, but mostly you.

She is not educated in the ways of business - and why is that? I speak as someone famously (to myself) avoidant about business, but given that was your family interest, no classes ever? A problem with both of your behaviors? you smart about telling her and her not getting it? sharp arguments?

You got together when she was thirteen and you were seventeen? You've had tightly woven lives. You were the one with the business brain, she was not, although working in it (or spending from it). Lying is defensive. This whole thing is a mess.

Both of my cousins got the financial gene (that's a joke, the financially brighter one was adopted), and both became financial advisors at one point, one of them later a high ranked c.p.a. (She and I talk about food and art and family). I'm not sure about financial advisors - that seemed to be a fad at one point - but I'd look into that. Others on a2k than me will have some ideas on that, my being wary from one experience a long time ago.

Secondly, you've a marriage and family problem going on. You could use family counseling, but I'd first suggest you get counseling on your own, just to start to talk stuff out.

Mondo,

You state that you are a successful businessman and that you "both worked together and worked your butts off" .

I gather for health reasons you retired? Your wife wanted to keep going and teach your son, I gather so he can take over the business when she decided to let go herself.

If you want my humble opinion your opening statement automatically suggests that you feel you were/are the brains of the business and no one else can make it happen, not good enough. I suspect she knows that is exactly your thoughts and that is why she didn't tell you about the loss of a Contract. You've admitted it would have been through no fault of her own but she felt that she couldn't communicate that to you, because in your minds eye, it's still your business.

Technically yes. But you aren't working it. Offer advice, before something happens, spend some time teaching your son the business for his future, make her feel that "good on her" for wanting to continue it without selling it and encourage her.

People lie sometimes because they know if there were to tell something, they'd get put down.

If you are the brains you need to continue to have "some" input even if it's 2hrs a day, 10hrs a week. But you need to make others feel important in their role as well.

If you can't do that, sell the business and let her open a little shop somewhere that she owns.

You said it yourself: she doesn't have a business head.

So why would you expect her to be able to handle the business end of your venture.

When you retired, you should have brought someone in to fill YOUR role. Your wife apparently had hers. Now you expect her to be able to do your job AND hers.

Bad business decision on YOUR part.

You are co-responsible for this mess.

OK. To begin with: u must punctuate your sentences better
to avoid combining more than 25 of them all into one sentence.
The proper punctuation between sentences is a period.
The next sentence is begun with a capital letter.

In view of your circumstances, it is necessary that u thoroughly
assess the current financial state of affairs of your business
and rid it of debt again. Then sell it as profitably as possible.
Apply the revenues from its sale to a safe financial investment
and live on that income. Inasmuch as your wife has no warmth for u,
it is necessary for u both to discuss the viability of your marriage.
It is un-likely that u 'd have KNOWINGLY entered such an arrangement.
U have the right to enjoy your life without being frozen out by your wife.
Perhaps additional professional psychological help will restore your marriage; maybe not.
U must decide how u wish to spend the rest of your life. Maybe she is mad at u for writing too many run-on sentences.





David