Gratitude

Today is Saint Stephens Day and I would like to address all the children.

Firstly, my name is Egbert. I am an Elf. I am Santa's chief Elf in that I over see the toy workshops, work out Santa's schedule for the delivery of toys down appropriate chimneys, and make sure that he doesn't drink all that sherry and/or milk and mince pies you have left out for him. I have to make sure that Rudolf's nose is lit up and that all the rest of the reindeers have enough hay on the sleigh to carry them through the night.

So, did you get nice presents? Oh, not exactly the ones you wanted nut nice enough presents? Good.

Right now its bad news time. Mummy and Daddy, or your Guardian or the Chief Warden if you are in Prison are going to come to you and say, "Don't you think it'd be nice to write a nice thank you letter"?

"No Way Pedro", is you first reaction. But think about it. This is what is known in the grown-up world as forward planning. Writing a thank-you letter will pay you dividends, it will be the most rewarding thing you've ever done.

At the very least it will get you a better class of prezzie next year.

At the very most it will get you a fortune; for when some rich old relative kicks the bucket, you'll be in the will!

So let us now attend to the writing of the letter.

1. Do not dawdle over the writing of your address. The present giver knows where you live otherwise you wouldn't have got the present in the first place.

2. Say thank you immediately. Don't mess about talking about the weather or your Christmas. Start the letter, "Thank you very much for the lovely.........................................

3. As this a very conventional opening, you should now vary the thread of your letter by giving an unusual explanation as to why you are so grateful for this prezzie:

"Because it fits in very well with my chosen career path".

"Because it fits in with the style image I am trying to project".

"Because it cost a lot of money"

"Because no-one else in the town has one like it and everyone is jealous"

"Because it annoys Mummy and Daddy when I use it".

"Because I was able to swap it with a friend for something I really wanted". (The Relative you are writing to needs a sense of humour for this one).

4. Pass right on now to a description of your day. Something mildly scandalous. For instance:

"Grandad peed in the fire place"

"Daddy drank so much lemonade that he fell into his sherry trifle"

Hermione (our visiting Vegan Aunt from New Zealand) ate a plateful of cocktail sausages which she was assured by Grandad were vegan sausages. When she discovered they were pork she had to get another packet fried for her.

Oh and Mummy had to throw a bucket of cold water over Susie our Spaniel, who was giving Rover a piggy-back.

I shall come and see you next week. Bye-bye Granny.