The Seven Attributes of a Happy Person

The Beautiful Path

“Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life and only a few find it.” (Matthew 7:13)

The following describes what I think are the traits of people who I have observed in my limited life span and experiences which seem to be key to attaining a life of happiness. These traits are:
• A Purpose driven life – others focused
• Selflessness – a surrendering of one’s ego to something greater than
themselves – courageous
• A giving spirit – altruistic
• An attitude of gratitude
• Love and compassion for others
• A positive attitude – the cup half full instead of half empty – full of faith
and hope in the future
• Respect for one’s own mind, body and spirit

These traits are more an endpoint as opposed to a path. I've chosen to call this the beautiful path, because there is no human being who has completely attained these traits. Life is about working towards these ends. In all likelihood we will never achieve the goal, but each day we can make an incremental movement toward them.
Beauty Described
Before talking about the Beautiful Path I think it might be appropriate to expand on what I mean by beauty. Most of us are aware of beauty. Each of us could say this is beautiful or that is ugly. And most of us would be commenting on how we feel as one or more of our senses are stimulated. A beautiful scene as experienced by our eyes, a beautiful taste as experienced by our tongue, a beautiful sound as experienced by our ears, a beautiful touch as experienced by our sense of touch. In most cases all of humanity would be able to relate to what was ugly (or unpleasant) and what was beautiful (or pleasant). Not in all cases, however, as some of our experience of beautiful is culturally or experientially significant. In all cases it is within our mind that we distinguish between what is and what is not beautiful. And for the most part this is in response to our five senses. However, there is another form of beauty which is distinguished mainly in our minds and this is a conceptual form of beauty. I find it interesting that those in physics refer to some particular theory as being beautiful. Einstein’s theory of relativity is one of these theories referred to as being beautiful. On the other hand Einstein found the quantum theory to be very un-beautiful. I worked for a large multi-national corporation for a number of years and during the last ten years I focused on doing problem solving and helping others to do problem solving. I remember once hearing a plant Superintendent say to me, “there are many solutions to a problem, but it is most important to find the “elegant or beautiful” solution”. What he meant was to find the solution that just didn't solve the immediate problem, but to continue to look for the solution that resolved many issues. For it is frequently that the solutions of today become the problems of tomorrow. The elegant (beautiful) solution is the least likely solution to become the problem of tomorrow. This same concept overflows into how we live our lives. Most of us can agree when we see a beautiful person (physically) and I think of most of us can agree in regard to someone who we think has a beautiful spirit. By spiritual I mean someone who has a peaceful, loving and compassionate way of reacting to others and their environment.

The Path
This takes me to the point of identifying what type of life I want to live. What kind of person do I want myself and others to see me as? The behaviorists well understand that all sentient creatures are motivated towards what gives them reinforcement and repelled from what is punishing. We humans are no different. In this case you could say that we all are selfish. However, I believe that there is a form of selfishness that can be beneficial to all mankind. I agree with the Buddhists desire for all sentient life to achieve happiness and its causes and to be free from unhappiness and its causes. There are many different opinions as to how one goes about achieving this. For the most part people believe that wealth, power, prestige, good health, and in general material possessions are necessary for happiness and for avoiding unhappiness. In my experience I have not found this to be true. I have observed people who have been given much and who have attained much in regard to worldly possessions and they seem to be extremely unhappy. On the other hand I have seen people who from my point of view are either in abject poverty or who are so physically disabled as to be pitiable, yet they seem to be extremely happy. I remember observing Joni Ericson-Tada on TV. This was a young beautiful girl who broke her neck while diving and was left a quadriplegic. She was being shown on TV during a Billy Graham crusade. Her face just shone with joy. This doesn't mean that there aren't rich people who are happy and that there aren't poor people who are sad. I am saying that material possessions are not a measure of who is and who isn't happy.

The Seven Traits of a Happy Person

1. A Purpose Driven Life

In his book “Man’s Search for Meaning”, Victor Frankl, observed that the people who tended to survive the holocaust camps were not those who were the strongest or the smartest, but instead those who had a purpose in their life – a reason to live. In the Bible there is a statement that man shall not live by bread alone. We all want to have meaning in our life – a reason to exist. For devout Christians a key purpose is to spread the good news of God’s promise of eternal life through a belief in Christ. For Buddhists it is to relieve humanity of suffering through leading them to enlightenment and thereby achieving freedom from Samsara (the ongoing reincarnations into human and other life forms). For Muslims it is to bring everyone into the fold of Islam. For Communists it is to free the working class from the enslavement of the capitalists. Truly, we (humans) need more in our lives than just eating, sleeping and procreating. When we get out of bed in the morning we want to feel that we have something significant to do, something of value to contribute. Some groups consider their purposes to be so noble that they believe it is appropriate to inflict them on others through force. This usually brings about great unhappiness and suffering. It has been my observation that there are two branches that one can follow in regards to having a purpose. One is “me” focused, that is, my purpose in life is to attain benefits for myself and my immediate friends and family. The other branch is “others” focused, that is, my purpose in life is to attain benefits for all mankind and in some cases benefits for all sentient beings as in the case of Buddhism. Although either branch can give meaning to one’s life, it has been my experience that those who seem to attain long-term meaning and happiness are those that seek the “others” purpose. There is also a hierarchy to purposes. Although a very noble purpose might be to end suffering from disease or to eliminate poverty and suffering or to eliminate wars, we are not all Christs, or Mahatma Ghandis, or Martin Luther Kings. How can I, a working stiff, or a housewife impact the important issues in the world? It is through understanding the stratification of causes and conditions that lead from what the ordinary people do in their everyday lives to impacting the important goals in our society that makes all the difference. Great people and great interventions do not occur out of emptiness. They are the result of many people having worked hard to bring about a great change at important junctures in time. Housewives who raise their children with good values and ensure that they are productive and moral individuals can and will in the long run produce great benefits to society.

If we turn out children without good values, who have very little work ethic or are totally concerned about themselves, we will surely negatively impact the future lives of generations to come. In North America we are standing on the backs of the unselfish acts that our fore parents made before us. Truly I fear that this generation (which to me seems very selfish) is preparing the way for a lot of suffering for their children.

2. Selflessness - Surrender

There is profoundness to this attribute. In fact I would suggest it is impossible to achieve true happiness without incorporating this attribute into your life. If you can really achieve this attribute you will find that there is a powerful force released that will work wonders. It is not a power that you can command to do this or that, but something that just seems to make things flow well for you and everyone around you. It is the people who surrender their own personal desires who truly attain happiness and achieve a meaningful purpose in life. It might seem like an oxy-moron to say that it is in surrender that we gain power. How can one gain power by surrendering. When I say surrender I don’t mean being a door mat. Instead I mean to give up ones ego – to be un-dependable. To admit that we can’t do everything on our own, to let go of your personal ego and be willing to do whatever it takes to reach the goal without thought of how we might appear to others and to our personal pride. Most of us think that surrender only applies to drug addicts or alcoholics, but in truth it applies to all of us. Our focus needs to be on the goal (our purpose) without regard to personal gain or injury. This doesn't mean that we don’t look after ourselves. Quite the opposite, we need to take care of our personal health so that we can be better able to reach the goal. It reminds me of when someone is playing a sport. In the heat of the game the players tend to lose sight of themselves and their personal needs in order to focus on scoring. This is just as true in life. The Buddhists consider selflessness as a high goal for all practitioners. Christ has to be a shining example of this attribute. Mahatma Ghandi was also another shining example. I can speak to this from personal experience as there was a time when at a low point in my life I came to that point of surrender. I can’t overstate the power, joy and happiness this brought into my life. Although it is very difficult to reach this state of surrender it is just as hard to maintain it. It has been in the latter years of my life I have come to have an understanding of the connection between what the Buddhists call emptiness and surrender. Buddha taught about the importance of our understanding that this thing we call I or me does not have an inherent existence. There is a physical form, but what we refer to as I or me does not inherently exist. In fact it is suggested that one of the key components of achieving enlightenment was to experience this sense of “emptiness” of inherent existence. The Dalai Lama wrote a book on this subject. The way that he suggested that we understand this concept was through looking internally at ourselves to see if we could find this I or me. Through this examination we would come to have a different view of ourselves and others and we would find it easier to give up this inflated view of ourselves I was able to intellectually understand that there might be some truth to what he was saying but I was never able to really experience it at a gut level. In fact the thought of myself being empty of existence did not seem exactly appealing. It was only recently when I was contemplating the concept and power of surrender when I actually experienced this sense of emptiness. In this experience I had no feelings of anger, attachment, fear, anxiety, hate, bitterness, jealousy, nothing that had anything to do with me (any of the things that in truth define “me”) there was only this sense of being empty of all of the above. It was a wonderful feeling of freedom. The only thing that was left was this powerful sense or feeling of love and compassion for all others. There was nothing left that focused on me.

It takes a great deal of courage to surrender oneself to a higher purpose. Courage is an attribute that is greatly admired amongst humans. To be thought of as a coward is extremely troubling and painful, even if it is only yourself that thinks it. Courage is not just placing life and limb in danger, but it comes about when you are fearful, yet you push ahead to do what you know needs to be done in spite of being afraid. Different people have different levels of fear. And they have different levels at which fear can become debilitating. For example when one becomes tongue tied when they are asked to give a public speech. Courage is a necessary attribute for achieving happiness it has the potential to be used for both good and evil. The courage to face pain and affliction even death for the good of others is certainly an important attribute to have on the beautiful path. However, the courage which is used to intimidate and dominated others is very detrimental to the pursuit of anyone’s happiness, including the one who does it. Some think that when Christ told his followers to turn the other cheek that he was advocating cowardice. To the contrary he was really suggesting an extreme example of courage. He was suggesting that his disciples let go of their personal ego and do whatever was necessary to demonstrate a love for others. Christ was not mild and meek when it came to speaking out about wrong doing and was willing to face whatever torture and torment that was required to get his message across. He was totally focused on the goal, oblivious to thoughts about his personal safety and well-being.

3. A Giving Spirit (Altruism)

It seems to me that those who are on the receiving end of giving are never happy. The ones that I have met are constantly complaining. They don’t seem to like themselves and they have little or no gratefulness for those who are giving to them. I believe those who are on the receiving end suffer from a loss of self-esteem. This doesn't mean that there is no time in which one has to be on the receiving end with little or no ability to return something material onto others. People who are crippled, mentally or physically, have to be dependent on others. Also people who have suffered some tragedy must from time to time accept help from others. However, there are others who just choose to be stuck in a rut of self-pity and unhappiness and although capable, are unwilling to make the effort to change their life. Even those who are without any material ability to give can still give through their actions and demeanor. Actions such as a smile, a kind word, a comforting touch or even shelter to someone who is needy. I find it interesting that those who have the most charitable spirit are often those who are blessed with material goods. Which comes first, material wealth and then charity or charity and then material wealth? I believe it is the latter. My neighbor and friend the Greek is a shining example of this. He has a truly enviable charitable spirit. Although he is not wealthy, he does not suffer from a lack of the necessities of life. The miserly tend to be the more poor in many ways. There was a movie entitled “Pass it On” where a young boy started a movement which encouraged people to do good for others and instead of returning the favour they were given these people were asked to pass on good works to others. If this concept was applied throughout the world, what a wonderful place this would be. The following posted by Nora Dunn supports this:

Posted October 23, 2007 – 15:13 by Nora Dunn in Personal Finance, Life Style

 But it was only after I started to give freely of my time and money towards
worthy causes that my life became enriched in ways I couldn't have
predicted:
 My business doubled in size in one year, completely independent of the
people I was interacting with.
 I met like-minded people with whom I still share extremely strong bonds.
 I found new income-producing opportunities.
 I received tax breaks for my charitable contributions.
 I adopted a number of charitable projects separate from Rotary, which
enriched my life and career in amazing ways.
 Call it karma, call it good vibes, or anything else that fits the bill; when I
gave of myself (be it time or money) without expectation of getting
anything in return, I always received ten times the benefit.




4. An attitude of Gratitude

An attitude of gratitude has got to be one of the core attributes necessary for being happy. If one is constantly focused on all their own problems there can be no room for happiness. I remember a period of time in my life when I was significantly depressed. I went to work every day and I did my job (I had a good job), but there was no joy in my life. Very little gave me pleasure and I certainly never genuinely laughed or smiled. I had some significant health problems that caused me to be in pain almost every day. I remember trying to improve my mental attitude by daily trying to focus on what I considered to be my blessings. At first this was very difficult as I couldn't really think of any. But it was the little things, like a blade of grass, the sunshine, a beautiful scene that started to improve my mental attitude as I continued this exercise. I still count my blessings, which I now find are numerous. I moved from what was then a very unhappy life to what I now consider to be a truly blessed life. What a wonderful change. Again, it is in our minds where we find happiness. No matter how dire our circumstances there is something we can find to be thankful for. I believe this is a form of worship, a giving back to God what He has done for us.

Author and researcher Dr. Robert Emmons in his research on gratitude decided that he had discovered what gives life meaning: “Gratitude,”

 Gratitude improves emotional and physical health, and it can strengthen
relationships and communities.
 “Without gratitude, life can be lonely, depressing and impoverished,”
 “Gratitude enriches human life, It elevates, energizes, inspires and
transforms”.
 It is a “chosen attitude.”
 Gratitude is not merely a positive emotion; it also improves your health if
cultivated.

People will experience significant improvements in several areas of life including relationships, academics, energy level and even dealing with tragedy and crisis.

5. Love and Compassion for Others

Paul in the Bible describes love as follows:

 Love is Patient
 Love is Kind
 Love does not Envy
 Love does not Boast
 Love is not Proud
 Love is not Rude
 Love is not Self-Seeking
 Love is not easily Angered
 Love keeps no record of Wrongs
 Love does not delight in Evil, but rejoices with the Truth
 Love always Protects, always Trusts, always Hopes, always Perseveres
 Love Never Fails


One thing of important note here is the fact that love is never referred to as a feeling, it is a set of actions or behaviours.

However, I like the succinctness of the Buddhist’s description of love better.
Buddhist’s describe love as,

the desire for all sentient beings to have happiness and its causes

and further they describe compassion as,

the desire for all sentient beings to be free from unhappiness and its causes.

Actually they say to be free from all suffering and its causes. Truly I don’t think that anyone in this life can find true happiness if they are not filled with the spirit of love and compassion. In this regard I must bow to my friend and neighbour the Greek who, much more than I, is filled with the spirit of love and compassion.

Forgiveness
There is an addition to this spirit of love that is expounded by both Christianity and Buddhism, and that is the need to not only love our friend, but to also love our enemy. This, to most of us is a very difficult concept to understand and even harder to follow. If we can understand that love is not a feeling but a stand or commitment we make to ourselves as to how we will treat others it will be easier to understand. One might question, however, why should I do this. What benefit does this bring us or anyone else. Revenge can seem so sweet. The truth is that anger and hate is more detrimental to us than it is to our enemy. If we are filled up with anger and hate I can guarantee you that you will not find happiness and its causes nor will you escape unhappiness and its causes. There will never be world peace and happiness if we do not individually and collectively seek the best for every one – even those who hate us. We will never convert them into loving us if we continue to hate them. I remember reading about Corey Ten Boom, a Dutch lady who risked her life and eventually was imprisoned for helping some Jews during the Second World War. She was a lady of strong Christian faith who went about preaching about Christ and forgiveness after she had been freed. She commented on how extremely difficult it was for her to face and forgive one of her jailers. But, after making the step, how unbelievably rewarding to her it was that she eventually did it. Forgiveness is a foundational attribute necessary for finding true happiness.

There is one other forgiveness we must make if we are to find happiness. We must forgive ourselves. Sometimes this is the most difficult of all forgiveness’s. For there are things in all of our pasts for which we are not proud. If we continue to linger in this self-hate we will not be able to reach our goal of happiness. That’s the wonderful thing about repentance. Repentance is about saying I’m sorry for what I have done and I am going to turn away from it. It is stopping from looking at the past and looking forward to the future. Filling your life with good thoughts and actions and letting go of the past mistakes. Sometimes this is almost a daily occurrence; however, if you persist great things will happen in your life.

Bitterness, anger and hate are a poison to our spirit (emotional well-being) and our souls (our mental well-being). Forgiveness is the only true antidote.




6. Faith (A Positive Attitude)

In order to achieve our goal of peace and happiness we need to trust that the universe is unfolding as it should - an attitude that everything is going to work out for the best, even if it is not in this lifetime. If we spend all of our time worrying about what may happen we will not only make our own lives miserable we will also make the lives of those around us miserable. This doesn't mean that we don’t do our best; it just means that we just do the best we are able to and be willing to accept whatever comes about. In the Bible it says that it is impossible to please the Lord without faith. Faith was attributed to Abraham as righteousness. There have been a number of books written on positive thinking and the power it can have in one’s life. Recently a book and a video was released entitled “The Secret”. In this book and video was expounded the power that comes from making your wants and desires known to the universe and then just releasing these desires and not worrying about them, and that they surely would soon be fulfilled. This video was suggesting that there is some power in us or in our universe that will fulfill all desires if just make them known and release them. I’m not quite ready to accept this as true, but I do believe that there is a great power in making our desires known and being aware of them such that when an opportunity arises to fulfill this desire we will grab onto it. A pessimistic attitude will never help us to achieve happiness and to be free from unhappiness. The following excerpt was taken from the internet and supports the above.

©Jelila/Angela Torrington 2005, All rights reserved.
 A positive outlook on life leads to happiness, joy, good health and success.
 If you trust that ‘everything is unfolding as it should’ it effectively frees
you to let go, in the moment, and just allow things to be as they are.
 Non-acceptance is really a kind of resistance, holding on, wanting things
to be different.
 Acceptance and trust releases the whole thing, which magically allows
change to happen!
 Our beliefs create our reality – they are the filter through which we
perceive our existence. There is no ‘actual’ reality, just our own individual
viewpoint on it! (For example, if you believe ‘the world is not a safe place’,
then for you, that is the truth, and you will attract experiences that
reinforce that belief.)

7. Respect for one’s own Mind, Body and Spirit

And finally in order to achieve happiness we need to take care of ourselves. How can we help others if we do not take care of our own mind, body and spirit?

It is highly important that we seek truth, harmony and peace. We need to eat properly, get exercise, and avoid substances and situations that can harm us, and we need to meditate on those things which are uplifting and produce the causes and conditions which will lead us to a peaceful, loving and compassionate spirit.

It reminds me of the three laws of Robotics espoused by Isaac Asimov in one of his earlier science fiction novels. These three laws are as follows:
1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
Similar to the third law of robotics we must look after our selves so that we can most effectively achieve the other laws. However, as with the law of robotics our own personal needs must be secondary to our need to exhibit love and compassion for others.