Question about time length for telling her "I Love Her" and "Second base".?

Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2013 02:59 pm
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months now. She is 16 and I am 17. We're both juniors in high school. We are both on the shyer side but are very comfortable talking to each other and cuddling for hours on end. I have two questions:

1. Is 8 months a long enough time to wait to say "I Love You"? I was planning on saying it when we hit six months but I decided to wait until I felt more sure of it and now I am; I know that I do love her and now I was planning on telling her when we hang out tomorrow, and 8 months certainly is a while, especially for our age when relationships don't typically last this long, but I am still slightly hesitant if people think 8 months is still too short a time before dropping that bomb. My friend and his girlfriend have been dating for almost a year and a half now and he told her 6 months in, so I do feel like 8 months should be ok to say it, but I'm just looking for other opinions.

2. In regards to reaching "2nd base": the last time we hung out (a few days ago), she moved my hand to her breast. To be honest, I wasn't sure if she meant to move my hand lower or higher and just accidentally dropped it there or not haha, but I just kind of left it there (over her shirt and bra) for around 10-15 minutes because I wasn't sure if it was ok to have it there or not. She didn't move it so I kind of slowly began to move my thumb under her shirt (still above her bra) and stroke her upper chest area and then eventually her cleavage area and then stuck it maybe half an inch under her bra before deciding I should wait a little longer because I still wasn't sure if it was ok in the first place and I respect her privacy and needs and such. When we hang out tomorrow I was thinking of trying again but going all the way (but asking if it was alright before diving all the way in). Would that be alright? I want to be respectful, if she said no I would totally understand and respect that, but I'm wondering if I'm going about this the right way. If she did purposely put my hand there, there shouldn't be a problem going all the way under her bra, should there? Does it seem kind of wimpy or dumb to ask if it's alright to do so?

Thanks for any and all serious responses.
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Jack of Hearts
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2013 03:36 pm

Saying "I love you" has nothing to do with time spent dating. Yes, it's prudent to wait a respectable amount of time so as not to confuse love with infatuation. Also, there is the 'physical chemistry' which have to do more with hormones, than with love. And you must respect your partners feelings, as such a declaration best be mutual, or an awkward imbalance will immediately become obvious.
I must mention this up front - "If you love me, than you will..." What? - Are you mature enough to know when to say, "No, I won't."
Think more than twice before you say, "I love you." Let your actions speak louder than words.

You mention "2nd base". Kid, the ladies like the long ball. Hit it right out of the park at your first at bat. Tell her you're 'going to swing for the fences', but if she wants to take it slow, and tells you to bunt - you're in for a long, low scoring game. She took your hand and gave you the green light - and if I'm wrong, what's the worse that could happen - you'll just have to get your signals straight. Enjoy the game.
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Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2013 04:03 pm
I think there's no set time table for saying "I love you." If you feel it, say it. You need not look at a calendar page. I think with my husband and me it was some 4 or 6 weeks, something like that. We were older but the point I am making is that there are variations there.

As for the second base thing, I think you got the go-ahead but there's nothing wrong with going in for it and asking, at the same time, "Is this okay?" I doubt that her actions were accidental but since you're unsure you might as well make the inquiry. The worst that can happen is what, exactly? Is she says no, it's not okay, then you're covered, and you're not just some insensitive jerk who grabbed her and didn't care about her opinion in the matter. If she says it's fine, then go ahead. If she is inconsiderate about your asking, then maybe question why you're going out with her in the first place.
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