Have any new gift and ideas for this Christmas?

I used to use an old Christmas pun. I got a 40mm dummy cartridge at the army surplus store and hung it in a little tree whose leaves had all fallen.

Get it? A cartridge in a bare tree.

We used to sing about crazy Germans at Chriistmas, when we were kids.




'God rest ye Gerry Mental Men, let nothing you dismay.......

Of course, I've grown out of that now.....

Another one......

'Good King Wencas last looked out,
Of his bedroom window.
Something hit him on the snout,
It was a red hot cinder.
Brightly shone his nose that night,
Though the pain was croooo-el,
Then a poor man came in sight,
Riding on a poooo-ooooo-ooooo'

The last line made no sense, but made us giggle as kids.

One more that dates me to a certain decade....

To the tune of 'We Three Kings'

We three Beatles come from afar,
One in a taxi, one in a car.
One on a scooter, bibbing his hooter,
Smoking a fat cigar'

I always wondered what happened to the fourth Beatle.


and of course, who could ever forget....

'Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin's run awaaaaaay.
The batmobile's got no wheels and they've got nowhere to stay....'

Jingle bells, shotgun shells, bbs in the air
Take a shot at old St. Nick and listen to him swear . . .

Deck us all with Boston Charlie
Walla Walla, Washington and Kalamazoo . . .

Good King Coleslaw looked him out
On his feets uneven . . .

(The last two courtesy of Walt Kelly and Pogo)