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Can you check these paragraphs for me ? These are my homework.

 
 
vmtct
 
Reply Sat 26 Oct, 2013 01:17 am
Rank
Canada is among the top countries that attract thousands of students around the world who come there for furthering their study. Based on OECD, Canada has the rank of 10 in the best educational systems worldwide; Four of Canadian universities are rated as top 100 of the ARWU Shanghai Ranking with University of Toronto ranked 17. This, along with being a top-performing country in terms of the educational quality by OECD, strongly proved that Canada should be one of the most reliable destinations for anyone who want to acquire a deep and extensive knowledge. Studying and practicing in such modern and developing environment means a lot to your academic result as well as your future achievements since this educational system is non-stop changing to reach the current top limit of perfection. Plus, as education being the most-funded section of government, you will also have a lot of benefit and assistance helping with achieving your goals when studying in Canada. If anyone concerning an educational system with prestige and constant quality to continue higher study, nowhere is more suitable and better than this such North America country.

Traditions
Canada’s precious heritage was formed centuries ago and its traditions have greatly been influenced by millions of immigrants from all over the globe. Canada’s unique multiculturalism brings you a broad view of different cultures around the world to become an international citizen. Living and studying in such multicultural environment also enhances your integration with many new ethnic life styles, while respecting and helping preserving your own custom. You won’t feel lonely or have culture shock when having education here as it is not hard to look for your home-country traditions and perhaps, your people is among the largest communities. Moreover, which the policies of accepting and respecting all cultures exist simultaneously, it is nearly no racism or racial conflict. International students are fairly treated and have an equivalent rights to the native ones. In consequence, you can enjoy studying and working here without any worry of your origin or what your nationality is.

Expense
Studying abroad definitely involves high expenses for the international students and their families. Most of the international students find hard to meet the soaring school fees that often put them into indebtedness. Understanding the financial difficulties, Canada offers reasonable tuition fees for all study programs in higher education within public system as education is extensively supported by the Canadian government. Tuition rates here are considered cheaper and more affordable to the students whereas other top education systems like U.S, U.K, Australia or New Zealand cost much higher. Take the United States - the neighbor country - as an example, the average cost for a foreign student in one school year in an undergraduate program is $12.000 US dollar in Canada, half or one-third of the fee in the U.S which is varies from $16,000 and $34,000. Along with the fact that many of U.S students are flocking to study in Canada for a cheaper cost, Canada is undoubtedly the top country providing finest standard of education with appropriate fee for all students to study. With such great virtue, you can now leave out the ever challenging concern of most students studying abroad and focus mainly on accomplishing your academic goals.

Assault
One of key factors making Canada outstanding and worth considering as a favorite destination for students who follow their higher education is safety. According to OECD, Canada is the second-safest countries in the world, just after Japan; the assault rate of Canada is at 1.3% and there is very little violence or serious crime. Unlike many of Commonwealth countries, guns ownership in Canada is highly controlled and restricted to only specific cases that qualified all conditions or licensed by the government. Hence, life here is tranquil and much safer than many other countries as it is believed to be all right walking alone outside at night, thing that should not do elsewhere. Never was there any report about students assaulted or convicted of homicide in Canada as the security and life quality here are on upward trend of improving. This means a lot to any students who came or is coming to Canada for their study since you are guaranteed of complete safety and protected officially by local authority.

International
Canada has a noticeable role in international economy as well as education. It maintains and develops active relationships with more than 100 other countries worldwide, in which there are many educational links that helps exchanging students bilaterally. Any of Canadian academic certificate, diploma or degree students receiving after finishing their program are globally accepted and the value remains equivalent to those obtained from other developed countries. Moreover, as a member of many multilateral organizations like the UN, G8, NAFTA, WTO,.. Canada gains a respected and admirable position toward the others, and is receiving mankind achievements in all fields, particularly education. Indeed, Canada is among wealthiest countries, possesses modern, ultimate technology and facility, helping the knowledge acquisition more efficient and interesting. Studying, working here can truly benefit students in many aspects that significantly contribute to their future success despite socie-economic status.

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dalehileman
 
  1  
Reply Sat 26 Oct, 2013 11:21 am
@vmtct,
Vm, some of us are not entirely sure how to approach your posting. To do it justice few of us will expend the hours required. This not meant as criticism of your grammar or style but let's hope others suggest means for you to curtail the job or divide into smaller number of specific tasks

Canada is among the top countries that attract thousands of students around the world coming there to further their studies…...but don't like 'cause the trailing phrase is assonant

My very first reaction: The "there" is unnecessary. However my Better Half, who is much smarter than I, disagrees. She says also incidentally that "of students" is redundant because who else would visit to study

…who come furthering their studies

…who come to further their studies

Canada is among top countries

…….attracting thousands of students around the world

…….attracting thousands of students from around the world

…….attracting thousands from around the world

…...who come there to further their studies

…..attract thousands around the world for further study

….around the world who come for further study

….from around the world for further study

,,,around the world who come for further study


Yes, no, all you critics terribly angry at all times about nearly everything, "assonant" isn't exactly the word I want
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