33 years old and sex life is disappearing

My wife and I are both 33 years old with two young children. Our kids are 3 years and 9 months. I understand that she may feel unattractive, stressed and have a natural lack of sexual desire because of the kids but this started before the kids came along. The first couple years we had sex a few times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less but on average about 3-4 times a week. That has now dwindled down to once a month, sometimes. The medical field is classifying a sexless marriage as having sex less than 10 times a year and we are right on that line. Before we had kids and before we were trying it had already dropped down to a couple times a month. When we decided to have kids that number went up but only for that reason and only briefly.

In the first couple years of our relationship the sex was great. It could happen anywhere, at any time, in any position with nothing really off limits. She was never a big fan of oral but it would happen occasionally both ways. Even back then I wanted to give/receive oral more but that issue sure seems small now.

My wife no longer wants to kiss beyond a peck, doesn't like to be naked near me unless she is in the tub, she no longer starts any type of contact, she says she has no desire and the only time we have sex is when I pressure her and she caves and even then it is limited to only at night, only in bed, no oral and only two different positions. She is a stay at home mom and in good health. She has suffered from depression for quite some time but hasn't gotten help until recently. Unfortunately her doctor put her on Paxil and when I heard that figured I might as well stick my manhood in a blender because Paxil kills sex drives. Her depression has gotten worse in the last three years mainly because of the stress from having small kids. We both complain about not getting to go out and spend time together for ourselves and we both think it will help but it wont help that much and I don't want to have to schedule a get a way weekend just to have sex with my wife.

The feelings of being unattractive after having kids are natural for women but also very irrational for her. She is extremely attractive and so sexy from head to toe. I feel like our relationship is as good as it has been in many years and we sleep together every night (when I sleep) and snuggling up is no problem.

This isn't all her issue.....
I had a very successful auto repair business that went down the drains starting in 2006 because of crooked insurance companies. We bought a house in 2002 and new vehicles in 2005. We weren't living beyond our means but had no way to see our money supply being zapped. Finances were horrible from 2006 until just recently. I should have cut my losses then but did not and tried to save a sinking ship until the economy fell out in 2008 when it became obvious there was no hope. In 2006 I began to gain weight rapidly, went into a depression that I didn't recognize until it was severe in 2009. Racked up debt, got behind with the IRS and had to sacrifice a lot just to keep the lights on. In 2009 I changed careers, got treatment for depression and since then I've been making huge strides. I'm still overweight. I know she is not physically attracted to me like she used to be but honestly I really don't think it matters. I'm working on my weight and we'll see but I don't have high hopes that will change anything with her.

So now I've finally got stability back in our lives and we have a good lifestyle. No bills, good money, no debt, etc. We aren't rich by any stretch but we are in a really good place. I do work a lot some weeks and she gets stuck handling the kids non stop but I also have stretches of time off and flexability.

I love my wife dearly and worship the ground she walks on. Could I be a better man? Sure, but I don't go out at night, rarely do much with friends or family and anything she wants I try to get. She is good to me, I know she loves me and don't even suspect the possibility of her cheating or anything like that. She is shy and going to see a therapist isn't an option and she is unlikely to even talk with her doctor about it. I don't think she understands how big of an issue this for me. We snuggle up at night in bed and if I try stuff she pushes me away. Ironically if I don't try anything she starts wondering if I'm still attracted to her (women are crazy ). It seems like every night I lay in bed extremely horny as she dozes off. I get so worked up I can't sleep. I lost interest in Masturbating when I was introduced to sex and just don't even enjoy it and don't want to use it as a supplement constantly. So now I go through life wound up like a golf ball, getting no sleep and feeling empty even though I'm in an otherwise wonderfull relationship. I need help. I'll never leave her (or my kids) but don't want to go through life frustrated and feeling sexually unsatisfied either.

Sorry for so much detail but wanted to put it all out there to get the best advice possible. Any suggestions or help would be deeply appreciated.