Dammit! What I should have said was . . .

I usually use a never- fail ending. When so confronted i would say something very polite , that I didnt mean to obviously irritate him, and Ill try not to be a further bother. Then comes the good part, I usually end it with DOOSH.
Now this usually works unless the guy is incredibly big, then Id advise thinking about only using that ending when you are suitably accompanied by individuals in
a biker colors
b shiny suits, black shirts and pastel ties.

I'm usually pretty good at snappy come backs. I woulda looked his cart over and come up with something like "Oh! I see you forgot to pick up a sense of humor. Try isle 7 about half way down on the left."

fishin', I love that line. Damn I wish I would have thought of that at the time. You can usually come up with snappy comebacks even when you're taken by surprise? Lucky you. It is a rare thing for me.

I probably would have just looked at him, then got all embarressed, then move to another line.

Then later, I would have told everybody that I came up with a snappy comeback, like, shaddap ya big meany. ya, that woulda been sweet

Lol! Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't.

The best one - which seems incredibly mean, but the recipient was being extremely rude to a friend of mine - I said to a fella at a party.

For some reason, he took against one of the friends I was with, and began castigating her for not having children - of all things. She was actually quite upset by his aggressiveness, but not showing it - so I felt very protective.

He opened himself up by saying, when I asked him if HE had kids: "I have done my duty to Australia!"

Instantly I responded: "Oh, I take it that means you had a vasectomy?"

He was utterly deflated....

I like that dlowan!

My wife is better at this than I am (one she used recently was "Are you stoned, or just stupid?"). I've done it a few times, though.

I wanted to frickin' knock some skinny punk out the other night at the hotel I'm at for saying something stupid to my girlfriend...but I'm here on a business trip(during training), so getting in trouble definitely wouldn't look good, and it was indoors in the lobby floor, so there was a good chance I would have got caught. Instead of hitting him, I made some comments at him for being a "wigger."

I'm not a violent person, but saying sh!t like that to a girl REALLY gets on my nerves...if we were outside when he said it he wouldn't be in good shape now. Just irratates me looking back.

Kicky, a good, universal comeback to anyone is "I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!!! PEOPLE FEAR ME!!!"

I had a realy good story, but I wrote it out, and it sounded stupid.

Well, that happens sometimes. Was it a good story that wasn't done justice by the writing, or was it just a stupid story?

The former. It has to do with where I work. You know how physics jokes are only funny if you're into physics, and med school jokes are only funny if you're in med school? So I couldn't convey the coolness.

Awwww - give it a try!!!!!

One time, kicky, I came up with the perfect comeback. At the perfect time. An ex-boyfriend had come to stay with me for a few days and I can't remember what happened but neither one of us were enjoying ourselves and finally, I told him to get the hell out of my house. He snarled at me, "If you were a man, I'd kick your ass." I looked him squarely in the eye and said, "If I were a man, I would have kicked your ass two days ago."

eoe, nice! I bet that felt soooo good.

It felt great, after he was gone. When those words left my lips tho', he looked like he was going to hit me. Luckily, a girlfriend called just as this was going on and she hopped into a cab and was at my house in less than ten minutes, just in case we had to take him down. Now that's a friend, huh?

The first time a waiter started with the "My name is Waldo and I'll be your waiter" it struck me as funny, but had no good riposte.

Later on, I wished I'd said "That would explain the name tag."

snappy answers
Snappy Answer #1

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. He saw the sign that
read "Low Bridge Ahead" but before he knew it, the bridge was right ahead of him and he got stuck under it. Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

And finally #5 - Snappy Answer of the year:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-aleck in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class breaks out in laughter. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Oh, that last one is killer!

One time two friends came up to me and were agruing, and one turned to me and said "Is cardboard born?" And I said "No it reproduces asexually." It turns out he was trying to say "Is cardboard board," meaning, is it actually a board or not. I guess that's not exactly a comeback though.

Oh, while speaking of slips of the tongue, one time in my computer class in high school my computer froze, and I went to ask for help, since I knew nothing about computers, the conversation went like this...

"I think my computer is frozen. It's taking forever to load."
"You just need to give it a sec."
"I've already given it lots of secs."