Reply
Mon 17 Sep, 2012 11:21 pm
My ex has not initiated sending me a personal message in the month since he decided his feelings for me were "complicated" and sent me a breakup e-mail. For background info, basically, he was married for 19 years; his wife cheated on him; he has been divorced for 15 years; and he erected emotional barriers/defenses.
He has forwarded me a few humorous/political e-mails and liked/commented on some of my Facebook statuses, especially in the last few days. I have not initiated contact, except for one time when I slipped up. Other than that, he hasn't heard from me. I've been staying busy. I'm fairly certain he knows I've just started dating again. I know for a fact he isn't seeing anyone.
Yesterday, though, a month after the breakup, he sent me a private, personal Facebook message: "For what it's worth, I feel bad about the situation, and I'm sorry."
I responded by saying, "You made your decision, and that's fine. Water under the bridge. I'm getting on with my life. There is no malice, nothing to be sorry about." I asked him if he would gather some books he wanted to me leave at his house last time I was there and put them on his front porch Wednesday before he gets home from work. (They're out-of-print local history photo books, and I sure as hell want them back. I asked for them two weeks ago, and he said he'd get them to me but hasn't.) He responded, saying he would leave them on the porch Wednesday.
Why are his intentions in telling me a month later that he feels "bad"? (I'm not a counselor or a priest, by the way.) What did he expect me to say to his message? What does he want from me? Is this a ploy for reconciliation? Or just an egotistical attempt to expunge guilt?
Ya know, I think he just wants to make sure you miss him like you are supposed to.
I'm not sure where this impression of mine came from, but that's what I'm getting from what you wrote.
Hindsight is always 20/20 and looking back, he sees that he did something wrong. So he is apologizing for it. So he is either testing the waters again to see if you pick up on what might be a reconciliation - OR he is just saying he is sorry about what happened, period. He has taken no action to start things up again with you, so I suspect he's just sorry about the whole thing.
You, too, have told him that you are going on with your life, so you have not left the door open for anything more.
If you want to see and talk to him, then don't beat around the bush: ask to meet for coffee and see if there is anything to salvage IF you want to start this thing up again. If not, get the books back to him and be done with it.
@roger,
I'm with Roger. I think the guy is seeing that you're having fun without him, and wants in. Plus he's got the books that he can kinda hang over your head.
Get your books back, however you can, and take that out of the equation. If you want to reconcile, do so without that being a part of it. Or don't reconcile.
Man oh man, it's like tag-backs, eh? Before FB, etc., relationships with dissatisfying breakups always had the possibility of last licks sex and trying one last time, or trying for elusive closure or whatever, but FB sure makes that easier and more common. It seems to be a lot harder for people to make a clean break of things these days.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace