'Maters' [ submitted by jjorge, self-appointed 'Poetaster'* of the Eastmont (VA) Tomato Festival]

'Maters'

I have one tomato, "it's a female one", I thought,
but I'm an urban feller, and have never been taught,

(I never went to a grange or to any 4-H's,
never raised chickens, grew corn, or picked Payches**)

but I'd heard a y ...err... 'Local' with a tomato in hand
utter something like "mate her" to an overalled man,

who smiled and nodded, like an approving old elf",
"So THAT'S how they get 'em!" I said to myself,

But how to distinguish between the two sexes?
chromosomally speaking, mine must have two XX's,

I look for a male one, I try and I try,
but I just can't discern, which one has a Y!

I suppose to 4-H ers, there's just nothing to it,
but I can't imagine how these round fruit... err... "Do it".

Wait! I've got it! -a radical plan!
tonight I'll stowaway in the local fruit stand!

sooner or later, I'll see just what they're doin'...
If I can stay awake all night, I'll see lovesick 'maters wooin'!
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*po·et·as·ter [poh-it-as-ter] noun.
'an inferior poet; a writer of indifferent verse.'
Origin: 1590–1600; < Medieval Latin or Neo-Latin

**that's called: "POETIC LICENSE", in case you hadn't heard,
it means I can fiddle with or mispronounce my words!
So 'peaches' can be 'payches'. Just drop your interrogatives!
I will not be denied my poetaster prerogatives!