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Thu 8 Jan, 2004 07:21 pm
Shortly before Christmas, a man who has worked for me for six months told me I was a father figure for him. I was slightly taken aback, since I had considered us buddies. Also, an ex son-in-law treated me as a father figure until we had a falling out. I don't know how to live up to the image. It is as much unsettling as flattering to one who has not yet accepted being elderly as part of his persona.
That seems like the ultimate compliment. Don't try to live up to anything. Just do what you've been doing all along. That's how you got there.
Why, yes; I guess you are right. Myself, I chose the writer, Philip Wylie, for my own father figure, unbeknownst to him. It began in 1960, when I discovered his writings and lasted until he died, about 1969. I accepted his philosophy, as I essentially still do, even when I found points about which to differ. He was a conservative politically, and I was of the Peace Movement.
I would be careful. Just like your son- in- law, a falling out may be inevitable. People who look for father/ mother figures usually did not have such a great relationship with the parent they are trying to replace. Inevitably, they recreate that same screwed up pattern. Really, they are creating the pattern and you are just along for the ride.
Thanks for the advise, beebo. I don't get into many emotional blowouts with people. I play it low key and disengage when people become that kind of burden.
Interesting point, beebo. That has been my experience. One of my employees had a terrible relationship with her mother, felt abandoned in many ways though she wasn't literally, she saw me as a sort of a mother/ big sister figure (though we were very close in age!) and took it very hard, and very personally, when I quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom.
Just saw your response, Edgar -- as in my example just now, the disengaging itself can be a problem.
But yeah, just keep doing what you're doing. I think beebo's point is a good one to keep in the back of your head, though.
The man I speak of is 43. If he can't take a little disappointment by now he's in for a hard life.
For sure, I don't treat the man differently than before. He is a newly born again Christian and I an atheist. I constantly remind him that I don't see many things the way he does. Except for that we have an excellent relation, particularly when working.
) and my father figure was my Politics teacher, a really compassionate and engaging guy, the kind of person who should be a teacher as he befriends everyone whom he teaches--- and he and I have been corresponding for the last fifteen years. 
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