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Sun 20 Mar, 2011 11:21 am
There it lay, a malevolent bruise on the esthetic of my carefully manicured landscape. Instantly militant, I gathered an iron rake, a plastic leaf rake, blower, machette and a sling blade. I gassed the lawn mower and chain saw just in case. I first collared the offending material and stuffed it into a plastic bag. That, I consigned for the Tuesday A.M. trash pick up. Next, I systematically combed the lawn areas for any speck of debris, eventually compiling a hill of dried grass clippings, three or four twigs, an untenanted snail shell and a half bitten acorn that had been practically buried in the soft earth. I paused, considering. I had raked the lawn, horizontal with the street. What if -? I again grabbed the rake and stroked it across the grass, this time, pulling diagonally. The action raised a small hill that I easily disposed of. Then, proudly, triumphantly, I surveyed this kingdom I ruled. And, yet, as I returned the last tool to its proper place, I was appalled to feel a gust of wind sweeping the neighborhood. Feeling betrayed, I turned, and there were three leaves settling in the yard. With tears in my eyes, I deployed my arsenal and set ,once again, to work.
H-m-m-m
No dog poop to clean up?
@edgarblythe,
Perhaps you've taken leaf of your senses? Deciduously so!
@PUNKEY,
I wrote this after watching my newest neighbors spend each and every day, raking like mad, for the last six months. They keep their dog in a kennel in the back yard, so, no poop.
@Ragman,
This scenario plays out in countless yards every day.
@edgarblythe,
Give 'em an inch, they take a yard!
Re your neighbors: way to anal retentive. They probably want to teach their dogs to use the toilet and flush afterwards and they vacuum the dog, providing they even let it in their house.
@edgarblythe,
We once lived across a narrow street from an elementary school. At one point, the school had a gardener use a machine that would scoop up the leaves, a machine of tremendous noise making. He would use the machine for only a few leaves, those being dropped from an "evergreen" tree that didn't lose the leaves all at once. Husband and I often worked at home, he a writer and me with a design studio, so the generalized presence of leafblowers in the neighborhood was enough aggravation without this nonsense too. I took a photo of the fellow using this - I'd have to go through my photo albums to find that and describe the machine better - with the huge machine to capture two leaves.. and paid a visit to the principal's office.
Never saw that machine again...
@ossobuco,
Yes, I see. It likely involved more effort to use the machine. Plus it costs money to operate.
You should tackle this problem at the source edgar.
Cut the damn tree down!
Back when I lived in East Boston, one of my neighbors cut down the only
tree in his yard, paved the whole thing, and laid down AstroTurf.
@George,
I knew a guy in Houston concreted the front yard. He had gravel areas and a few potted plants.
@George,
Similar here. Not that my yard is so lovely, but one of these days..
Anyway, one of my pleasures had been to look at a house kittycorner from me, across the street. It had a gorgeous fulgent yellow climbing rose anchoring the landing in front of the door at a corner post, and not all that close to the door. Gone!!
Now it's just another rock yard.
I read my opening post again. That ain't writing. It's typing.
@edgarblythe,
Like many of us, Edgar, you are too harsh of a self-critic. I consider that a pretty good writing excerise. I like some of the ones I've read on your website a bit better, but it's not bad
Ah, but you should have seen the stuff I intended to write. I would have won a Pulitzer Prize, had I gotten it down, just so.
Good writing, Edgar. And I feel the same way about the overemphasis on monoculture lawns, which are just slightly more interesting than astroturf. Or as Alan Watts called it, "Lawn order." You have to say it out loud. Maybe it's just another way of saying "anal rententive."
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