In laws who want it all. What do you think?

Start charging her slightly more than what she would consider paying a stranger to take care of her children. Let her know you have a 6 hour minimum, to be paid in advance. If you don't know what she would be willing to pay, find out what a higher cost service would cost, and charge more than that.
If the children say longer than that, charge for the extra hours. If they stay for less, she doesn't get any credit for the next time. 6 hours is your minimum per visit.
Put all this in writing, and have her sign it before she leaves her kids with you again.

If she balks, let her know your time is worth something, and since she works, she's able to afford it.

No negotiations.

If she doesn't want to pay you, she'll find someone else.

In my experience, people suddenly start to understand when it involves money.

Thanks. I probably give her this option.
After read this message, I suddenly get an idea. Called my father in law and tell him all my concerns and he is going to tell her not to bother me any more. I feel quite good about this one.

Actually, my suggestion was made with the intent that she would NOT want to pay you for something she has been getting for free, at your expense, and will look elsewhere for free help (or otherwise)

It would be a success for you if she refused to sign anything, in which case you could say "then we have no agreement"

You would have made it known you are not a pushover.

Oh god, but what if she agreed?

I wouldn't do it for any amount of money.

I have a sneaking suspection there's no way she would take her up on it.

However, it would be make it known that z. is nobody's fool.

You are not even being listened to. Has there ever been a bigger insult? Lay down your rules before you provide this service to this deaf person, stick to whatever you decide to do. This is your life, nobody else's.

She has a lot of nerve. You should have a lot, even more, nerve. When work you do for someone else is appreciated, and with pay for your time, it's less stressful.
Demand some respect.

Got a feed back from her through my husband. She was crying on the phone to my hubby and declared that she ever only asked me for help once or twice and that I was making a big deal out of it. And she only let me bring her child to school only once. My family feeling that I was being too hard on her since she only asking me for very little help.

For a few seconds I though maybe I was dreaming about bring her child to school all this times. It turns out my daughter remember at least 4 times before I stopped taking her call.

Maybe you could just give it a rest. Step away from the entire situation until you can get your bearrings. I don't think you can win, directly, with a person like this. She lies too easily. They like to drive everybody living their life, those kind, driving them nuts whilest they go away singing.

What did you say to the father-in-law? Something like, "that is what I've learned to expect from her, she is too confusing and is disorganized." Tell him you need to know ahead of time when she needs your help, and to know exactly when she will return, then tell her that. Good luck to you. Me, I would make myself scarce for a little while, look the situation over , until this girl and her mother can make up their minds. Too bad, we can't choose our family. Stay cool.

My sister in law called at the door a few minutes ago. Told me that I hurt her and I told her that so has she. I explain to her a little but she was not interested in what I have to say. Instead she told me that she has been very good to my kid and I replied so do I. I told her that I mind her kid (that's only one thing I do for her), she told me that she was at home though her kids was in my house for hours that I wasn't minding her kids. I reply that means I still had to take care of them though.

Apparently she doesn’t remember most of the thing I do for her. She accusing me have no ball to tell her in person. I told her, I did tell her many time but she wouldn't take no for an answer apart from tell her not to bother me any more. She left by accusing me that I was lying. I told her again, problem landed at my door when I am at my own house.

Pretty traumatized by the whole experience. Was determined not to drop a tear over this none senesce but can't help it.

I believe he has been fair to both of us. Apparently even if I told her to stop bothering me in person, she would have handled the issue differently. I have be trying to avoid conflict as such but she is the person is always the victim. This conflict is unavailable. She comes across quite cheeky.

I call my Father in law. Explain the incident and also I will keep my respectful distance from their family in order to keep my life peacefully.

Ironically, sister in law seemed to be very surprised to hear that I was also very nice to her kids. I know she doesn't have good memory for what I do for her but to see her in person that she is surprised to hear that I have been nice to her kids too, it amazes me.

On the phone to my father in law, I told him I won't be able to make it to his birthday dinner this Saturday which sister in law organized it. And that I don't care whatever crap has happened, all I need is people respect my personal space that I will stay at home as always, minding my own business. I need them all the leave me alone.

I refuse to be get involved in their crap.

It going to be a very stressful time for a while.

z....

Your sister-in-law is what is know as "full of ****"

Of course she is blaming you of lying, making her feel bad, etc. etc.

That is what people who are "full of ****" do.

Every time you respond to her, you are engaging her, and giving her more ammunition for name calling, accusations, fighting and dragging this out.

This is how she has been able to get her way with people her entire life, I would bet.

She's not worth it, concentrate your positive energy elsewhere, and don't waste any on her.

When she talks badly about you to other people, including family, secretly many of them will be happy someone finally stood up to her.

I totally agree with you.
Thank you, chai2, Joeblow, and Pemerson for give me support. It really helps. It make me feel I am not alone and that I know I am not insane.

I am a little disappointed that I am the person that broke this out to her. While everyone are hanging there hoping one day someone will tell her what's the wrong. She has been telling me about who and who reacts unreasonably to wards her requests and that she wasn't asking too much from them. I have been trying to keep my head down without being that person so I could live my life quiet and peaceful. Now I am the person who hurts her with truth and have to have cold war with her till whatever time it takes. It has been a secret EQ race between all of us. We were trying to find out who is the ultimate survivor in this situation.

However, I feel a great sense of relief.

No more feeling guilty for "waking her baby" because I refuse to mind him so she could go and collect her other children from all places. No more feeling terrible for putting her in an awful situation when she is desperate need help "to bring her son's friend home". No more feeling frustrated for must help her on a Friday night so her marriage won't suffer and her husband couldn't go out to have a date with each other and have fun. No more feeling annoyed and in a terrible mood to think that I am responsible for her not able to lose the last kilogram because I refuse to mind her kids so she could go for a run, while I couldn't do mine. She is really good at using words to make her case work. I have don't it all and refused the rest come afterwards.

I was hoping my father in law would have handle the conversation better than I could have achieve. Let her down gently. It turns out that he went to tell her literally to stop bothering me. In what type of tone of voice, I am not sure. She was upset by it, big time. Whether the truth hurts or maybe he just not that type of people who is good at taking care of feelings. I don't know in this case, this there any possibility that she wouldn't get angry to hear request respect of my personal space from her. It is the result of what I would like it to happen but I thought he would have articulated his word much better than I could. He wasn't leaning towards any side but to do the right thing. I probably chose to do it myself the next time. I am grateful that he is not backing any side and that he chose to do the right thing.

My hubby came back two days ago from a business trip, still having jet lack, and we have been fighting over this issue since he is home. Like my father in law, he wonders whether I am being too hard for not helping her. I keep telling him that whether I am or not, I don't enjoy doing those work for her and this reason is enough a good reason to refuse her. He is trying to be nice but it hurts me when I need supports. I also do not want him to agree with me when he doesn't believe that my behavior is decent. This make my intention to keep my head down very difficult... And the whole crap become very unbearable.

I hope it's all over.

I have been examining how I have handled her during the period. Wondering could I have done things better. I wonder how I ended up the person to break the truth to her and others didn't? I am aware a normal person don't behave this way anyway. What can I do the next time that I could be not the one to suffer?

I try to refuse her directly and give excuses, tell her my personal life is very busy, my health is very in bad condition, my daughter need a lot of care from me that I am not available to do other things. Is it possible that this is not an enough clear message to know I don't like to give her hand on daily based? Do people always refuse other by tell them they are unreasonable to demand such thing? I am quite sure I was strong enough to stand up for myself...

If you can, do please give me your input to help me learning to handle it the next time. I don't like to be the one being accused for hurting other even-though I know in this case, that's didn't make sense.

Thank you, guys. I am really grateful for you guys supporting me. I am really grateful.

I was watching "Scrubs" tonight and I was able to be amused by the silly jokes. I realized that the thought of I have to help her anytime she likes is worse than being hated by sister in law. I laughed and laughed at the jokes, together with my hubby tonight. Still bother by the issue but at lease I know this is going to end soon.

Thank you for cheer me up! chai2
It works.

You didn't hurt her, you just pissed her off.

She's not used to being told "no" is all.

My mother in law was crying on the phone to me saying she hates family disputes. Hearing her crying on the phone, I feel quite confused. I apologized to her for upsetting her. I think I known where I stand. Thinking yesterday my father in law had to come over at 8pm to collect her laundry for my mother in law to wash and iron, at 71 years old. I couldn't close my mouth. Afterwards, I fought with my hubby once more over all the craps...

She is really good at killing people with kindness. I am very aware of that since she uses it to get me to do all the things I do not want to do.

She is pissed off alright but she will be telling everyone that I hurt her instead. I try not to get sympathy from people as a way to social but she does. So I try not to cry if I can but she already cried a lot today in front of the family. Therefore she will need more help in the coming future to make her feel better.

I was not comfortable crying in the same room of my child and her friend today after she left my house. I don't want to make my child feel sad because I am not happy.