Why keep go on talk bad things about the person you don't get on?

I wonder why no body give feed back on this question. I really need help... I don't like the fact that when I am annoyed with someone, I keep criticize them to everyone I know, for some, it last for years. I consider this is bitching at them, I hate it but I don't seem able to stop it. I don't think I can simple shut up, I think there is a reason why I go on. I am looking for reason that I can understand why I do what I do so I can figure out how to stop it for good reasons.

Yes, gossiping about other people tends to come back and bite you. it does not make us feel better AND you can get a bad reputation if you talk about other people.

But you need to be able to "vent" about things that make you unhappy - so that's OK. (You may need to talk to a therapist or older wiser friend.)

So . . . Just don't talk about a particular person. Talk about the feeling instead. For example: "I feel jealous today. Why am I jealous about someone getting a better job? Where does my jealously come from?"

Learn to identify the FEELING that makes you unhappy.

I do get jealous about someone sometimes but quite rare, I think is due to lack of confidence. My wondering is that people I don't get on or I fight with, while no body care about the incident any more, I still go on keep talk about it. I often get a bad taste on my mouth after doing so but still keep failing to stop bitching on those back. Most of the time, I don't think they deserve it but I still keep doing it. I am quite annoy with myself for doing so.

Only you know the reason why you keep on talking, even though is makes you feel bad afterwards.

You must be getting something out if it.

Are you bored? are you talking about others so that you don't have to look at yourself? Do you get attention when you bitch about others? Does it make you feel like you are better than them? Is it all exciting?

Who knows? No one but you will have to develop the self discipline to stop this compulsion.

Good questions first of all.
I honestly do not know why I behave this way but I really want to know why, good or bad. I think deep down, there are reasons I do this, if I could find out what it is, then the problem will be manageable.

When I bad mouth those people, I was thinking t: I hate those people, I want people to know they are bad, I am angry with them, I want them to suffer from their bad behavior, that people will know they are bad and they will dislike them like I do. These are what in my mind when I bad mouth them, while feel guilty doing it because I don't think this is a good thing to do.

I am not bored honestly, I keep myself busy... but I automatically find time to do those things when I am talking to other friends. I wish that I could talk to other friend with healthier topic. I envy people who can do so and have a peaceful mind.

Most people get turn off when I start bitching about others. Most of them are not interested in such topic as a result, I do get bad reputation from others and myself.

I don't feel I was better than those people but I feel I was the one that was right. I don't feel it is exciting, in fact, I thing to bitching about others is a risking business which you might get a bad reputation and lose friends.

I hate myself to doing so and I think I am a bad person when I do it. Honestly. I don't know why I keep doing it, what's the drive. I think I should stop it as soon as possible. It is not fair to those people.

There is one thing though just come back on top of my head... I probably have to discuss this issue with my therapist...

Don't feel sad for me, I am better now, I am just want to keeping trying to get even better. I have a good life now...

As a child, my mother and her husband treat me really badly and her husband kept bitting me up for no reason but when I tell my grandparent or people what they had been up to, they would tell them that I was not telling the truth, then people look at me like I was not a terrible to talk about them like that. I had not way to escape from the suffering, yet no body trust what I was saying. I had no choice but keep trying to explain so someday someone might listen to me.

And when I finally met my father at 18, my father's wife doesn't like his children. In his back, she treats me and my brother nastily and then turn to my father saying we treat her terribly. It was the opposite, I wish she could treats my father well and live a happy life with him. Me and my brother were pushed out of their family and my father gave out of me for things I never said to his wife. I was very disappointed that I didn't even get a chance to explain my self before he gave out of me, and that he didn't try to protect us, that he only listen to his wife.

I tried to tell him I didn't do those things, I hoped he could listen to us and take care of us but he till this day, my brother is still treated the same. I take care of my brother now, emotionally. He has lots issues, I try to heal him and have been quite successful. I often feel I don't belong anywhere and I have to shout to claim my conner. A while later, I started bad mouth her when talking to my father because she deserves it. I think in this case she dose deserve it because she teats her husband's child that way, but the other cases are just small issues, I shouldn't make it a big deal, if I am able...

I wonder, are those incident have something to do with my incapable stopping myself bad mouthing people?

Oh yes, for sure.

to have been let down by the very people who should have loveed and protected you (your parents) as both a child and an adult must have been quite hurtful.

So sometimes the mind can say, "I was not loved, why should anyone else be loved (have it nice.")

Zhjuan, I have two suggestions for you. I believe you said you were in therapy. I would suggest you explore with your therapist the use of drugs to control your depression. I think you might have a chemical imbalance that is making you unhappy. The other thing I would suggest is for you to investigate the psychological disorder know as Narcissism. You show signs of this problem also, and in your case, it can be related to the depression.

In some extent, it is true that I can be quite hard on others and myself because what I learnt from my experience... Sometimes I think people should just get on with everything and be a good person, things usually don't go this way though. When I realized I did something wrong or bad because of bad judgement, I find it hard to forgive myself too. In many ways, I treat other just like the way I treat myself. I recently realized I don't give myself enough break..I am trying to work on that at the moment.

Good!

If A thought doesn't make you happy, move to B thought.

You have that power.

Feels good, too.

Thank you for give me a hand. From all the tips I have got from all the treads I have asked so far, I have enough foundations for me to jump from a bad thoughts to a different one. This question is the last bit that I would like to get it sorted. You have asked good questions and have made me think out of the box.

I think I am on the way to the end of this but still not finish this journey yet. I still need a little more tips to help me get rid of the problem permanently. If I only block out the issue instead of deal with it, I will be doing things that I don't event believe in and so it is difficult to make it last. Maybe I am asking too much from myself again, or maybe not.

I hate myself when I am bitching, hate myself when I can't stop it, hate myself when I keep go on about it. So far, I think the discussion with you help me to clear the mostly likely reasons why I do it. I still need more tips on how to stop it ( your suggestion is a good one too), just a few more to help me deal with the bad behavior and understand what's it all about. Even this mean I have to get a kick on in back side, I will take it. I

t is very kind of you to help me!

You are in touch with how you feel.

You have identified what you want to change.

You know how to change your thoughts to those more that will be more healthy.

So practice that.

Still, you must get to the root of WHY you have these thoughts that turn into this unhealthy compulsion (obsessive negative thoughts)

This will take a therapist to help you sort this all out.

Good luck!