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Wed 17 Feb, 2010 05:18 pm
For some reason, I seem to prefer hanging around with people who are not doing well with their life and so as a result, I end up with lots good friends but at the same time, I also fall out with a number of them because I got too involved with their trouble offering too much help that we end up fighting instead. This affect my mood and personal peace. I wonder why I just can't make friends who are successful? What's the wrong with those people that I have nothing in common with them that we couldn't be friends. I help people, great, but it goes wrong, it affect my family life. I feel bad that I didn't protect myself so that I can take care of my family better. Why am I doing the things I do? What's the pay off? Do I look for this type of friend deliberately? Why? I found myself working for their problems a lot of times... What the wrong with me?
@zhjuan,
There is a word in German for this, it's called
schadenfreude. The word means "feeling pleasure at other's misfortune ". You are attracted to people who make you feel better about your own problems.
@zhjuan,
There's nothing wrong with you.
English proverb: "A friend in need, is a friend indeed".
It is noble to help those who suffer - BUT it is not good to be dragged down doing it. That is what is called co-dependent behavior. (caring more about others than yourself at the expense of yourself)
Everytime you get the urge to become immersed in someone else's life ask yourself "Is this good for me? Is the the best way I can help this person"? Learn to look at the situation with clear eyes and motivation.
Learn to be healthily selfish. Take care of you and your immediate family FIRST.
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