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Why does touching/being touched make one cry harder?

 
 
msolga
 
  2  
Reply Tue 17 Nov, 2009 07:46 pm
@KiwiChic,
Ah. Another stoic.

Takes one to know one! Wink
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  2  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2009 12:06 am
@msolga,
What da Puddy said.

0 Replies
 
Diane
 
  2  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2009 12:25 am
@dlowan,
Deb said,

"When something awful has happened to me, and I need to focus on work, for instance, I tell people not to be nice to me, or offer sympathy. I am like a gushing fountain once someone has been kind."

Me too, me too. And I use the same words. Why is it that we become so embarrased by showing understandable emotion?
dlowan
 
  3  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2009 01:28 am
@Diane,
Dunno....although I am excessive in the emotion department, so I like to keep it under control as much as possible at work.

I wish I were able to be more the stoic!

Also, crying is so MESSY!! The SNOT!!!


If it were just tears.

It's ok if you just sort of drip gracefully....but when you do the cry mouth and the boo hoo....oh boy.

I don't mind so much if I drip gracefully.

But...can I cry when I get home and it's ok?

Well, no, generally I can't.

I generally can only really cry when I am desperately trying NOT to!

Oh the humanity!
dlowan
 
  2  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2009 01:34 am
@dlowan,
Did I mention the REDNESS?

The eyes...the nose...the cheeks...and how long it takes to go away?
0 Replies
 
msolga
 
  2  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2009 06:35 pm
@Diane,
Quote:
Deb said,

"When something awful has happened to me, and I need to focus on work, for instance, I tell people not to be nice to me, or offer sympathy. I am like a gushing fountain once someone has been kind."

Me too, me too. And I use the same words. Why is it that we become so embarrased by showing understandable emotion?


That's a very good question, Diane!
I'm not sure if it's embarrassment, or fear of being seen to "lose control", or what it is, exactly ....

I recall, when coping with the traumatic fall-out of the break-up of a very long relationship, my counselor asking me (with good reason! Wink ): "What is so terrible, why is it so hard to acknowledge the pain you're obviously feeling?" It is almost as though there's a fear of allowing ourselves to actually feel "the worst", that we may not be able to cope with what we find! I guess that's why counselors & shrinks are kept so busy, extracting this difficult stuff out of us? Wink

(Hey, long time no see! Lovely to see you here again, Diane! More, more, I say! Smile )
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2009 06:56 pm
Yeh. When I did my shattering at the grave after touching the stone, I was alone, but bro in law was not all that far away, fifty to seventy feet, down by the big trees. I rode it out. Not a bad thing, this roiling of grief. As it subsided, I got up. made busyness by trying to take a picture from down Appomattox way (the grave is near the intersection of Appomattox and San Juan Hill....) and eventually caught up with him and walked wordlessly to his truck to go to the other side of this big national cemetery, and I sat in the truck while he checked out this patient favorite of his mother's, his mother, a nurse, dead now too.
In this case, bro in law is a very controlled and controlling fellow and I was happy enough to have my grief alone, fast, and sharp. Was protective of it.
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2009 06:58 pm
Waves to Diane, glad to see you here!
0 Replies
 
msolga
 
  2  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2009 07:04 pm
@ossobuco,
Yes. I understand that, osso.
Private & extremely personal to you.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2009 07:04 pm
@ossobuco,
Just remembering. Earlier in the week I'd talked with my niece about wanting to see my parents' grave if I got a chance (me not driving on this trip), and we hugged and I cried then, not full out sob-bola, but tears. Plans to do that kept falling through, until just before I needed to get to the airport. So, I could cry with another person about it, just not bro-in-law.
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2009 07:07 pm
@ossobuco,
Rounding this out, when my niece came home to their house the day I arrived in west los angeles, she came in, hugged me long, and could not talk for about ten minutes. Ordinarily she talks even more than I do.

Over the week we talked hours and hours.

I get what kiwi is saying about hugs you are not wanting. I was somewhat anti touchy feely back in the heyday of it, and have even thrown a dinner party fit about a woman constantly grabbing my arm.. I get the backing off.
In the case of my niece, hugs = good.
0 Replies
 
Diane
 
  2  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2009 08:14 pm
Thanks for the welcome, Olga and Osso. For now I'm just tentively exploring a2k after such a long time away.

Can't find any spell check. Boy, am I in trouble.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2009 08:21 pm
@Diane,
On my computer with my particular browser, I get some underlining of words I've messed up. I then usually look those up on google. Once in a while I just plain disagree, as whatever spellthing I have is pro US spelling, when I sometimes prefer British. Alternately, I ignore all that. It's the heart that matters.
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  2  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2009 09:01 pm
@Diane,
Diane wrote:

Thanks for the welcome, Olga and Osso. For now I'm just tentively exploring a2k after such a long time away.

Can't find any spell check. Boy, am I in trouble.


Bugger the spelling. You're HERE!
0 Replies
 
msolga
 
  2  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2009 09:38 pm
@Diane,
Very Happy

Diane sighting # 2!
0 Replies
 
tsarstepan
 
  3  
Reply Sat 28 Nov, 2009 03:41 pm
This post may sound surgically practical but perhaps it does hold a minor bit of emotional truth buried in the depths of it's science.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=120873368

Quote:
If your ears can't hear what someone is saying, try listening with your skin.

Sensations on the skin can help people understand speech, according to a study in the journal Nature.

The study builds on decades of research showing that the brain often uses visual information to augment hearing. That's why people in a noisy room are more likely to understand someone if they can see the speaker's lips.

"From our brain's point of view, we can hear with our eyes," says Bryan Gick, a professor of phonetics at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver. But he and his colleague Donald Derrick wanted to see whether hearing could also be influenced by our sense of touch.


You have to read between the lines in a way to get the relevance to the original thread but I have an inkling that something might be there though it's kind of difficult to divine.
boomerang
 
  3  
Reply Sat 28 Nov, 2009 09:06 pm
@tsarstepan,
Oh! That's very interesting! Thanks for that.

I shouldn't admit this.... I'll be exposing myself as such a big softie.... but....

Thanksgiving night we all piled up in bed and watch Up. I sniveled like a baby during the first retrospective of Carl and Ellie's life together. When he went through the scrapbook again, towards the end of the movie, I was really tearing up. Mo sat up, put his hand on my back and asked "Mom? Are you okay?" The minute he touched me the flood gates opened.

That movie turned me into a blubbering mess.

I'm gonna watch it again when nobody's home.
dlowan
 
  2  
Reply Sat 28 Nov, 2009 09:14 pm
@boomerang,
Well done.
0 Replies
 
Diane
 
  3  
Reply Sun 29 Nov, 2009 02:18 am
There have been times when touch made my skin crawl. The kind of touch that has a sense of obligation to it rather than sincere caring. Those are times when I want to avoid the person. It could be that our recognition of both sincerity and hypocracy is much more sensitive because of our emotional state.

What a comfort true friends are, with their understanding and patience.
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Nov, 2009 02:31 am
@Diane,
Diane wrote:

What a comfort true friends are, with their understanding and patience.

If there is one true tenet in this universe, you have revealed a doozy of a truth.
 

 
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