What a ******* bummer the news media is. According to their interpretation of the last decade, this is the worst possible time to be alive. All doom and gossip. Old people seem to suggest there was a time when all you had to do was write a letter to somebody and **** would get fixed. I would like to write a letter (but to whom? Rupert Murdoch? Ted Turner?) to the media and urge them to streamline their content further. As in, we need only two headlines, from now until the end of time. Those headlines are: EVERYTHING IS ALL FUCKED UP and KIRSTIE ALLIE IS FAT.
I would find it less distracting and be enabled to focus on more important elements of my existence, for example a video of a Slow Loris getting tickled.