Essential Zebrafish Methods (Reliable Lab Solutions)

Apparently, all I need to obtain narcotics is a mail-order Ph.D., which I hope would assist with my self-esteem issues related to my small penis. Even if I could get past that issue, and hook up with some hot singles who want to have sex with me, I still can't find a place that will sell Viagra to me over the Internet.

Too bad about that small penis, otherwise you could start going to church and be my Christian boyfriend and I could be a hot single who wants to have sex with you.

But if you get that PHD maybe I could be your nurse!

Sadly, I apparently need penis enhancement too. Maybe if I order a fake Rolex it will cheer me up!

the FBI has a lot of questions for me, and are concerned a lot about wire tapping

I also have a lot of really famous rich friends and family who all need my help in taking care of their money

Tai, honey, it's a replica watch, not a fake.

Sorry about your penis.

I suppose the FBI would have a lot of questions what with all the rich, incompetent friends you have, shewolf.

Today they just think I'm poorly educated since I have offers for nursing school, teaching school and criminal justice school admissions. I guess they figured out I'm not really a marine biologist.

Apparently, all i need to obtain ultimate happiness is to send a certified check or money order (no personal checks) to a very friendly and helpful man in Nigeria whose altruism is such that he has only my interests at heart, even though he has never met me.

Didn't rate a princess, eh?

Like, OMG, Setanta! Have you sent the check? You are soooooo lucky! I wish I had someone like that looking out for me.

I do have someone who wants to save my house by modifying my home loan, though. Thank goodness for internet guardian angels!

This is one of the hidden ways that the world wide web enriches society. I mean, how did these undoubtedly completely disinterested altruists find their vict . . . er, their beneficiaries in days gone by?