Describe Yourself In One Sentence

It's my eyebrows that make me perfect and my flaws that give me character.

It's my character that raises eyebrows, and my flaws make everyone else look perfect.

My unibrow is perfectly flawless.

Fresh from the backwoods, half horse, half alligator, a little touched up with snapping turtle; can wade the Mississippi, leap the Ohio, ride upon a streak of lightning, and slip without a scratch down a honey locust; can whip by weight in wildcats and if any gentleman pleases, for a ten-dollar bill I can throw in a panther, hug a bear too close for comfort, and whup any man opposed to my candidate.