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Wed 20 Feb, 2008 09:38 pm
Mo and I went to the schoolyard to shoot some hoops this afternoon. As we were walking home we passed other schoolyard patrons, two grown men and a young boy, practicing baseball.
The catcher and the pitcher were adults. The batter was a kid, maybe 10, maybe 12.
The pitcher was giving him hell. Mean stuff. Missed balls, foul tips, anything but a solid hit brought ridicule.
As I just signed Mo up for little league I watched with interest.
As did Mo.
I didn't intervene.
I walked Mo home explaining that if his coach ever talks to him in that way that there would be "trouble". Not trouble for Mo, but trouble for the coach.
I explained that it was not okay for grown ups to make fun of kids. That dad or I would never make fun of him. That a coach, even if it's someone you know, should never make fun of a player.
But still, I walked away leaving that kid to that abuse.
So I kind of hate myself a little tonight.
I don't get the whole sports thing.
Is a sports dad the same thing as a stage mom?
What should I have done?
Hey, I had one of those dad's. It sucks. You sound like a way cool mom, did Mo beat you at hoops? :wink:
your sig is just fuckin awesome FYI. id steal it but then it wouldnt be the same.
callin the coach out would have invited aggression.
It's hard to discipline grown-ups, you never know when one of them might draw a gun on you. Unless I could come up with something light and funny, I don't think I would have interfered either. I think you made the point clear to Mo that such behavior is unacceptable, even in adults. You can't save the world Boomer, just your little boy.
All of your actions were directed towards the best interests of your first priority, so you did good. You could not have put yourself into the situation in a helpful way, so trying would have been a bad example for your kid.
Thank you all but I really wish I'd had the nerve to punch the guy in the nose and tell him the truth:
"You ruin everythihng for everybody."
But I'm not the kind to punch people in the nose.
<sigh>
I think what I should have done was punch the guy in the nose.
boomerang wrote:I think what I should have done was punch the guy in the nose.
That would have been putting your emotional needs in front of everybody else's best interests. That would have been selfish.
Everybody has done this at one time or another. The best thing to do is be ready for next time and rehearse what you will do and say.
One thing you could have done is just yell out, "Hey, give that kid a break he's doing fine asshole." It ain't much but at least the kid will know another adult thinks something is wrong with this adult. It takes time to build courage and be ready for next time.
One thing that could help is to ask yourself what you are afraid of this guy for? He deserves no respect. There is no reason to be intimidated by him and if you stand up to him then the kid might learn that thats what he can do to.
Regret is a wasted emotion. Don't be sad or angry Just try to be ready for next time and that is the good that can come out of this.
Hey! learn to pitch a decent one, maybe the kid would hit it.
nothing you can do. quit beating yourself up. I'm sure there's plenty of more legitimate reasons for you to feel like a ****...
((((((((((((((((((((((((((BEAR HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
In the era where parents demand super-achivement from their kids I wouldn't be at all surprised if this "coach" was a hired gun to make their kid THE BEST DAMN BATTER IN THE LITTLE LEAGUE damnit.
I mean -- this guy could pitch. Strike after strike. Beautiful.
I watched the kid just quit even trying so the guy became more abusive.
The whole thing was just too sad.
Back in my studio photo days I used to see a lot of stage-parents priming their kids for stardom. "But they love it!" they'd insist.
"No. They love you and you love it" I'd always think to myself.
I'm going to have a hard time being a sports-mom.
boomerang wrote:
I'm going to have a hard time being a sports-mom.
Just be Sports Mom June Cleaver and not Sports Mom Lynne Spears. Maybe Mo won't even like playing on a team.
What's the culture like in your area?
Sozlet did soccer last fall and we mostly competed against a neighboring area that's known for being, uh, perfectionist? Driven? Anyway, all of us parents would grimace when we saw sports-parents or coaches on the other teams being obnoxious. (And it so happened.) Our team was a bunch of goofy kids who made some pretty egregious mistakes but nobody really minded. We won big for the first part of the season -- our team was having fun while the other teams were stressed and crying all the time -- but then the other teams got better every week and we were still out there being goofy. Ah well.
I worry about this stuff too though. Not just the whole sports-parent thing but injuries... I keep reading scary stuff about it. Another subject I guess.
Mostly I'm happy that our area is goofyville. We're not an area that wins a lot (in athletics anyway).
Nobody constructs a thread title like boomer. Nobody.
I have no idea what the sports culture is like here, or anywhere else for that matter. I have never paid much attention to sports.
I thought it was a little community type organization, because it is named after a neighboord by us. They play at area fields only, rotating around the schoolyards and parks. But I got an email the other day saying nearly 400 kids were signed up and they were working on dividing them into teams.
400 kids!?
That is a good article, BBB. Thanks!
I really should have said or done something.
Not just for that poor kid but for Mo and for me. Really, what kind of message did I send Mo by saying adults shouldn't treat kids that way, that it's wrong, blahblahblah, and then walking away leaving some kid to be treated like that.
I kind of thought that us watching, and him knowing that we were watching, might calm things down a bit but it seemed to make things worse. I guess being humiliated by your coach isn't as bad as being humiliated by your coach in front of some strangers. The kid quit trying, the coach got meaner. We walked away.
Damn.
One thing you could have done was when the kid made a good hit, clap and cheer louder than the bully was ridiculing. All you can do is lead by example. Everybody has their own path to walk and like someone else said, you can't save the world. A tiny effort (like your cheering) could have an impact, though.
boomerang wrote:In the era where parents demand super-achivement from their kids I wouldn't be at all surprised if this "coach" was a hired gun to make their kid THE BEST DAMN BATTER IN THE LITTLE LEAGUE damnit.
I mean -- this guy could pitch. Strike after strike. Beautiful.
I watched the kid just quit even trying so the guy became more abusive.
Maybe the kid's dad is trying to turn him into an artist. If so, he's doing a great job.
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