Dear Whiners,

You are, no competition. Feel better?

everytime I think I'm pathetic I think of you and feel better. edgar.

Thanks for putting things in perspective.

You are the Lone Star winner Edgar

No one can hold the candle up to you, Edgar!

i wouldn't be caught live in this thread, wasting my time on such a loser.

Thank you. You have restored my lack of faith in humanity.

Edgar--

You're cheating. You have a well-developed sense of the preposterous.

Something to strive for, Edgar
Something to strive for, Edgar

The Whiners - From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The Whiners were possibly the most (intentionally) annoying characters to ever recur on Saturday Night Live. Joe Piscopo, playing Doug Whiner, and Robin Duke, playing Wendy Whiner, spoke all their lines in a nasal whining tone. They both claimed to suffer from diverticulitis, and neither would eat anything but macaroni and cheese.

In 1998, Stanley Ribbles admitted, in a Turner-Allan magazine article, that he was never fond of the skit:

"We weren't thinking, 'Hey, let's make characters that our audience is going to despise.' but we did like Joe [Piscopo] a lot, and we wanted to give him more air-time...At the end of the night, you have the options of staying up or going to bed. We had a glass of milk and watched television."

List of SNL Episodes Featuring The Whiners:

"Whiners Anniversary" April 10, 1982 host: Daniel J. Travanti
"The Whiners on a Plane" May 15, 1982 host: Danny DeVito
"The Whiners at the Doctor" October 9, 1982 host: Ron Howard
"Whiners Adoption" November 20, 1982 host: Drew Barrymore
"The Whiners Taken Hostage" January 29, 1983 hosts: Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas
"The Whiners in the Hospital" February 5, 1983 host: Sid Caesar
"The Whiners at SNL" April 9, 1983 host: Joan Rivers
"Whiner in the War" May 14, 1983 host: Ed Koch
"Whiner Show Ideas" October 8, 1983 host: Brandon Tartikoff
"2 On The Town" May 5, 1984 host: Barry Bostwick
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82c: Ron Howard / The Clash

The Whiners

Doctor.....Ron Howard
Doug Whiner.....Joe Piscopo
Wendy Whiner.....Robin Duke


[ open in Doctor's office, Doug & Wendy Whiner seated in front of his desk ]

Doctor: Well.. I've gone over all your test results, and, frankly, I can't find anything physically wrong with you..

Whiners: [ whining profusely ] Then why can't we have a babyyy?

Doctor: Well, uh.. Mr. & Mrs. Whiner.. it seems to me that the problem just couyld be psychological. Is there anything bothering either one of you?

Doug Whiner: Ohhhh.. my di-ver-tic-u-lit-isss!

Wendy Whiner: My hi-a-tus hern-i-aaaaa..!

Doctor: Well, no, no, no.. I mean, are you under any kind of stress?

Doug Whiner: Well, Wendy's mom is stay-ing with usss..

Wendy Whiner: Doug lost his jo-o-obb..

Doug Whiner: Our a-part-ment was ro-obbeddd..

Wendy Whiner: And I don't feel a-ttract-ive!

Doug Whiner: Oh, Wen-dy, you're beau-ti-fulll.. [ hugs her ]

Wendy Whiner: But I can't have a ba-byyy!

Doctor: Mr. & Mrs. Whiner, you two are obviously both under a great deal of strain, from what you've just told me. It's a strain just to listen to it. But, frankly, this happens time and time again to couples. you're just trying too hard to have a baby. In these instances, I recommend that you adopt.

Whiners: [ alarmed ] A-dopttt?! But we want our own ba-byyy!!

Doctor: Please. Please just let me finiish. Very often, once the adoption procedure begins, why then a couple relaxes, and bang, they're pregnant!

Doug Whiner: But it's so much both-errr!

Wendy Whiner: And it would-n't be a real Whine-rrr!

Doug Whiner: I'm the last of the Whine-rsss! Doc-tor, my genes must live onnn..

Wendy Whiner: Is-n't there some-thing you can do-o-o? I want to be a moth-errr!

Doug Whiner: And I want to be a fath-errrr!

Whiners: We want to be par-entsss!!

Doctor: Alright, alright! Just shut up! I'm very sorry that I lost my temper, but if you would only listen to me. There is another alternative. Artificial insemination.

Whiners: [ alarmed ] Art-i-fic-ial in-sem-in-at-ionnnn??!!

Doctor: Would you please just let me finish what I was telling you about..?

Doug Whiner: I don't knowww.. artificial inseminationnn..?

Wendy Whiner: Ohhh, no-o-o, no-o-o..!

Doctor: [ sticks his fingers in his ears ] We take Doug's sperm, insert in an egg from Wendy, plant it in a surrogate mother, and, BOOM, you got a Whiner! [ happy, the Whiners kiss ] Look, look.. [ grabs some brochures ] Here's all the literature, the address of the clinic, the phone number.. please, please, go, go!

Doug Whiner: It looks gre-at! I feel like a man a-gainn!

Wendy Whiner: And I won't get fa-att!

Doug Whiner: Thank you, Doc-torr!

Doctor: You're very, very welcome. Here's the door. [ opens door ]

Whiners: We're gon-na have a bab-byyy!!

Wendy Whiner: Will you de-liv-er itt?

Doctor: No! Uh.. I mean.. I'm giving up my practice and, uh.. moving! I'm moving to.. Puerto Rico! I'm going to Puerto Rico!

Doug Whiner: Can we vis-it you with the ba-byyy?

Doctor: No! [ thinking ] They don't allow babies in Puerto Rico! I'm sorry! It's a law. [ closes door ]

Whiners: [ open the door back up ] Can we name it af-ter you-ou-ou??

[ the Doctor slumps in his chair as the crowd around him again ]

[ fade out ]

edgar I'd like to suggest, in the spirit of friendship... that you wipe your goddam nose and stop wallowing. This advice comes from an internet acquaintance who knows you intimately, every detail of your day to day life and therefore has weight. :wink:

You'll thank me later when my words of wisdom enlighten you and put you back on the golden path of righteousness, but being a saint I require no thanks. That's how we saints are.

Saint Bear

oo oo
I love Doug and Wendy Whiner. Hilarious.

Me too...