The "Things Overheard" Thread

Someone said (well typed, does over-reading count?) today:

You should never start a sentence with "you should" because people will think you're bossy.

They were totally serious!

I laughed so hard I nearly fell out of my chair.

I think I overheard a woman make a noise while we were having sex once. Maybe, but not sure.

Last weekend there was a group of us at dinner. Somehow "To Catch a Predator" came up in conversation, and it just kept going on and on with sick jokes about banging kids. The people next to us did not seem amused. (at least it was a casual restaurant, sitting outside on the deck)

bm

Hold the presses! You've had sex???

From Noddy's source:


Fat, old, queer biker: Can you make a gin fizz?
Bartender: What is this, prom night?



Better than ordering a Shirley Temple.

overheared in CJ's home:

Yes, please book that ticket to San Francisco for me... Yes, I want to be there early on the 26th in order to meet some very dear friends..."

About fifteen years ago a co-worker related what she had overheard--it wasn't an overhearing, really, it was was more along the lines of a minor scene--while she was standing in line at a bank. A little girl wasn't getting her way with her mother and so she threatened, "I'm going to tell grandma that you put Daddy's pee-pee in your mouth!"

Many years ago I wandered into by grandparents' apartment just as my grandmother asked my grandfather, "Ya got your teeth in your mouth yet?" Never forgot that. Not sure why.

Ever since I can remember, there was a lanolin face lotion called Oil of Ulan sold in Oz. A few years ago this name was changed to Oil of Olay. Evidently it had been marketed under a number of similar names all over the world and the manufacturers thought it was time to bring them all into line.

During my last stint in hospital there was a very demanding, know-it-all lady in the bed opposite me. She celebrated her birthday one day and her two daughters came to visit, bringing her some chocolates and gifts, all prettily wrapped. One of the nurses stopped to congratulate her, and being told the lady was eighty-two, she asked how did she keep her skin looking so soft and smooth.

'Oh, that's simple,' she replied, 'every day for the last sixty years I have been rubbing Oil of Urine into my face!'

Made my day.

On the bus one time i heard a group of 15-ish year old girls making D.I.L.F. jokes, i couldnt help but find it hilarious.

And one time i got on the bus and these 2 hispanic ladies looked at me and said "wedo es muy feo"

Its funny if you know spanish, though not good for my self esteem LOL!

No, not yet. I was just trying to be cool and fit in.

Salmon Rushdie


Atheist author Salmon Rushdie was having a drink with some friends in a bar. He was asked what he wanted on his tomb stone when he died. Rushdie replied, with a big grin, "Thank God I died an Atheist."

BBB

Keep in mind, Slappy, as I do, that "virgin" is not a bad word. As for me, I like to think I'm saving myself. For that special someone. As in the first girl who allows me to touch her boobies.




There, I've done it. I've trolled my own thread.

Third? Hmmmm...... you can get a lot done at third.

Stop right there!
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further--!


Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?
Do you love me!?
Will you love me forever!?
Do you need me!?
Will you never leave me!?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life!?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife!?
I gotta know right now
Before we go any further
Do you love me!!!?
Will you love me forever!!!?

Well, let me sleep on it,
Baby, Baby
Let me sleep on it
And i'll give you an answer in the morning!