I was born to marauding yak herders in the earlier 1970's during the worldwide yak herders union strike. As a young child it became clear to my parents that my skills at building hay tents central to our nomadic lifestyle was poor at best, they placed me in a crate marked "cashmere sweaters" and shipped me off to America.
I was adopted by Mr. & Mrs. X. My father made his fortune in the garden gnome trade and my mother is the famous "Inspector 12". Her mark can be found on many Fruit of the Looms. I have one younger brother who insists he is from the lost city of Atlantis, although the family tells everyone he is originally from Albuquerque, New Mexico.
I was home schooled by waitresses from the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet restaurant in my neighborhood. I earned my college degree from "Degree by Mail" schools via advertisements found in the back of "Striped Bass Fishing Fanatics" magazine.
My hobbies include juggling pencils, jumping off the roof with the cape my mother made for me, and letting the air out of car tires.
I like to amuse, instigate, insult, and complain.
I am sarcastic, humorous, intelligent and charming.
I like beer, red meat, dairy products, and coffee.
I hate my job, slow pedestrians, telemarketers, and crybabies.
I love dogs, writing, friends, and Marlboros.
And who really cares anyway?
