my boyfriend has a picture of his ex in his phone

Lighten up! Your boyfriend had a life before you, and you cannot
expect him to forget that just because you've been in his life for about
5 months now.

OMG! That means he's still in love with her!




Just kidding.

She was a part of his life.
He has a picture of her.
No big deal.

for some reason i keep convincing my self he still wants her

First of all did you ask him if you could go through his phone pictures?

I have a pic of my last(4 years ago) 'conquests' erect penis on my phone(he sent it to me about 2 months ago), no idea why.
I can promise you I didnt ask for it but I havnt bothered to delete it and i have looked at it about twice.
It does not mean im thinking about him or sex.

Personnally (if you asked to look through his phone pics)I think out of respect for you the least he can do is delete the picture of her.

yes i asked to look thru them and he looked thru mine

Are you a youngster?

Its not going to be the last time a boyfriend does something your not happy with.
We have to work on our self worth and confidence then they can have as many pics of ex's as they want.
Try to be confident about yourself, even if he deletes it he can still imagine her in his head.

Try not to be whiney or he will get annoyed and cause unnecessary arguments.

remember, happiness is a choice. If you convince yourself that he wants her, you will not be happy or even content. You'll be jealous and miserable.

He's with you and not with her. Cherish that. Be happy. Have fun.

I've been with my bf for over a year now and I still have a pic of my ex and me on my bedroom wall (I was with my ex for 2+ years)... It's not because I still want my ex, it's because it is in a picture frame with many other pics of friends and I am too lazy to open it up, mess it up and take it down...

Don't worry... if he didn't want you to see it, he wouldn't have let you go through his phone.

When she calls him does her picture show up on the display? What is the ring tone? Does it go "Whoop! Whoop! Orgasm alert! Whoop! Whoop!".

Then you might have a problem.

Wow, I think it's strange that I have the opposite reaction of the other adults here, since I'm not the jealous type.

The marriage my husband had before ours ended VERY badly. I know there's 2 sides to every breakup, but in this case it was 99% her, since she was the spawn of satan.

After we were married I think more than a year, I was looking through photo albums (they were freely available to me) and found some pictures of her. It confused me that he would keep photos of this woman who had hurt him so, when we had such a wonderful life together now.

When the appropriate moment came up, like when we were watching a show where this sort of thing had come up, I just said "It would really hurt me if a person kept pictures around of someone he professed he no longer loved".

A month or so later, I was looking at the albums again, and they were gone.

(shrugs) maybe it's because I know this person was truly a harmful person. He has tons of pictures of his daughter (with yet a different wife), some group shots with her mother and step dad, but they are really good people.
There's no solo shots of that ex-wife.

I wouldn't make an argument over this, especially if this boy is someone you're just dating, not seriously involved with. But I do feel if someone makes a committment to another, the past needs to fade to the background in order to respect your mate.

It's bad news when someone becomes insanely jealous and is unreasonable about demanding total devotion, but I don't think it's unhealthy to feel secure in your partners love, and not have easy to access reminders.

A person can remember a former love in their mind, I don't see the need of a picture....what did people do for all the centuries before cameras?

Yeah, my leaning is more towards Chai here.

Then again, it has never occurred to me to go through my guy's phone.
Or to ask to.

It's a lot simpler, to me, to simply not keep those photos around. I don't have a photo cell and that makes it real easy!

I likes my privacy.

cutekatie15- I am more than likely old enough to be your grandmother, and will be married 40 years. I have love letters and pictures of old boyfriends that go back to when I was in my middle teens. I would not give them up for the world. Every once in awhile I will take them out, look at them and reminisce.

Would I run out on my husband and run after one of my young swains? Absolutely not. It is just fun to think back and remember old times.

I would suggest that you lighten up. The picture is part of your bf's history. It would be a stupid thing on your part to insist that he erase a part of his history.

It's a phone!!!!!!

Buy him a new one without pictures on it if it bothers you.






Most people don't delete things unless they need the space. How many files do you have on your computer that have no meaning? Should anyone that looks at those files read some meaning into it?

Katie--

You're young, you're in love, you're possessive.

In the Western World, marriages are made for love. Before you settle down with The Ideal Man, in the idiom of the '60's, you're going to have to kiss a lot of frogs and do a lot of self discovery.

Questions to ponder (The answers will vary, person to person):

Is your boyfriend entitled to a past? To momentos of his past?

Do you own your boyfriend's past? Do you own your boyfriend? Does he own you? Does he own your past?

How much of your life should be independent of your boyfriend? How much of his life should be independent of you?

The line between "I" and "we" is complicated and one of the things you're learning is where to draw that line.

[quote="Chai"]After we were married I think more than a year, I was looking through photo albums (they were freely available to me) and found some pictures of her. It confused me that he would keep photos of this woman who had hurt him so, when we had such a wonderful life together now.

When the appropriate moment came up, like when we were watching a show where this sort of thing had come up, I just said "It would really hurt me if a person kept pictures around of someone he professed he no longer loved".

A month or so later, I was looking at the albums again, and they were gone.
[/quote]

Why could you not just openly tell him, that the photos were bothering you.
My husband absolutely hates his ex.
I know he'd rather see her dead than alive, but still I came across one of their wedding photos in a briefcase where we keep important stuff.

So what?
She was part of his life and is the mother of his daughter.
She will never go away, but I married him, knowing that he had a history (who doesn't?).

And if it was really bothering me, I'd simply ask him about it...
What's so difficult about that?

Well, this woman isn't the mother of his child. She was an unforntunate mistake.

Why didn't I say something directly? Sometimes things need to be handled with gentleness.

We have very direct communication, if I had brought this up directly, some sort of discussion, no matter how brief, would have taken place....this woman, or the memory of her did not deserve to take up a second of our time to talk about.

He knew what I meant.

thinking....maybe it's partly a cultural thing bohne. If I were living where I grew up, I think I would have been much less likely to handle it the way I did....but living in the South for quite some time, and having a husband who is Southern in his way of thinking, I realize it's best at times not to be so direct.

Well, if it worked for you, I suppose it's OK.

Last night (for whatever reason) though, I started thinking, what if my husband (directly or indirectly) told me to get rid of photos of my ex?

Well, then...

I would be pissed of.

My photoalbum is a recollection of my life.
Good and bad.
Things I am proud of and things I am not so proud of.
My Ex is in my album, because he was part of my life once.
NOT because he means anything to me today.
I have no feelings left for him whatever, not even hate or dislike, no matter how badly he treated me.
But he's still in the album and will stay there!

I am NOT going to rip pages out to please anyone.

Good thing nobody asked it of me!

I'm with Bohne in this one . . . only stronger.

Every relationship is by definition a GOOD relationship. There was obviously some reason for us to get together and be close, or to interact at all. No matter how badly a relationships breaks up there was something worth respecting, admiring, and reaching for. Even a poor relationship has a lot to teach me about ourselves, what works and doesn't work, what my own values are.

I would face two scenarios:

1) SOME ACCOMMODATION, A TEMPORARY CRUTCH
If old relationships are a touchy subject for my partner, in that she is emotionally weak or immature, I would help her continue to be weak by accommodating her incapacity. For a short while. I would move photos or old love letters where my partner does not have to deal with them. But I'd compensate by going through them and reminiscing MORE often. Without someone's support I have to preserve my memories and history all by myself, in isolation, holding on extra-hard in a hostile environment.

2) GOOD HEALTH
If my partner asks me to not think about the past, to delete my memories or remove portions of my life from sight (in my own home!), I would talk with them sincerely about what their intentions are. If they cannot love where I've been, they cannot love where I'm going. If they persist to mutilate my past I would thank them for their previous support, respect them as a person, and never talk with them again. Because I love healthy relationships.

My own peculiar preference is for a genuine partnership ... Life is too short to have a partial or manipulative "love".

shrugs....pictures aren't important to me. Never have been. Like I said before, what did we do before the invention of the camera to remember someone?

I do things just to please my spouse all the time, some he knows about, some are never discovered by him.

To me, memories kept in my heart are just fine, I don't need a piece of paper with chemicals on it, or a digital image.