Social Butterfly, or Social Isolate/ Which Are You?

Being a very outgoing person, I make friends pretty easily. As a result, I have tonnes of friends all over the world !!

But another part of me is very very private. Some of my inner most thoughts, opinions, problems are shared with no one, except one or two verrrrrrrrrrrry close friends - and that too very rarely.

As far as "doing" things with friends in concerned, yeah, I party, drink, go out etc etc - mostly superficial activities. Rest of the time, I tend to do things by myself.

I love crowds, but I love isolation as well !!

I prefer my own company, which makes things difficult for me. My profession forces me into rather intimate situations with complete strangers, and it is my job to make sure they are happy, which I love to do, but it is very stressful at the same time. I have a small circle of friends, who are always a joy to spend time with, but I am just as happy to be alone. I don't get on well in crowds of strangers, my social anxiety kicks in. I prefer one on one conversations in public, or a comfortable group of people I know well. I find A2K good for me for a few reasons: I can be a part of a community without having to actually be around people, and with people who I actually want to talk to, and can relate to. This breeds a certain amount of trust with me, and leads me to want to meet a lot of you. That for me is a good thing! Also, as I work at home, I don't interact with a lot of people during the day, unless I am shopping, so it is great to have a place to chat and discuss, and most people here seem quite knowledgeable and educated, which is a big plus for me. I dunno....if I have any more thoughts, I'll post 'em.

Recluse

I'm a butterfly.

Especially considering I like to walk around wearing multi-colored wings.

I want to meet you, Cav!

I have nooooooooooooo idea what I am. I'm an only child, and very comfortable spending time on my own. I definitely need that to a certain extent. I also like big bustling parties/social events, as long as communication is not an issue. (Organized a small fundraiser last night, about 25 people [all deaf except for E.G.], had a blast.)

I guess my ideal situation is to have a few really good friends who I can see maybe 1 - 2 X/ week, and a larger community of friendly acquaintances, with chunks of time all to myself.

I've made a few friends in the ten years since moving here but can't seem to establish the close friendships like I had back home. One thing that's difficult for me socially is being married. My husband isn't very outgoing at all and perhaps I'm overly concerned with his comfort but I turn down invitations to parties and such because I know he won't want to go and if he does, just to make me happy, I spend more time sticking by him, keeping him company, than enjoying other people. It's easier to not go.
One day I'll rectify this situation. Don't know how yet.

cav- I can relate to how you react. I basically like to be by myself, or one on one with another person. People perceive me as very outgoing, which I can be, but after awhile I find it too stressful.

I have a friend who loves to go places with groups of other women, even to the movies. She is always inviting me to her get togethers, and I usually don't go. Why? I don't get much pleasure from running around with a carful of women.

There are some women who won't shop by themselves. They seem constitutionally unable to choose a garment without getting a second opinion. I am just the opposite. I find it impossible to clothes shop with another woman. If someone wants me to go with HER to assist her in her choice, OK, but then I will usually not buy anything. I shop my myself, run around a lot, and make up my mind quickly.

Oh yes. I never, ever clothesshop with other people. If I'm buying something for the house, that's one thing but clothing is a whole different ballgame for me and not only don't I need another opinion, I don't want one. Like you Phoenix, I run around alot and make up my mind very quickly.
I do enjoy hanging out with girlfriends, tho. Going to lunch or the theatre.

Hmmmmmm, I've got friends. Spend some time with them, but a lot of the time I'd rather be on my own. Work requires me to deal with people, and their problems, all the time. I travel home on the subway with a co-worker. I get off about 5 stops early and take a bus part of the way home, just to get away.

I once moved away from here, because I was feeling so crowded by 'friends'. I didn't tell some people when I came back.

Turning 40 was good. I told some people to back off - don't call me anymore. It was quite a relief. I can hardly wait to see what I do when I turn 50.

ehBeth- It DOES get better as you grow older. I have reached a point where I have accepted the fact that I am what I am, and don't have to make any excuses for it. I am also not afraid to say, "no" to someone, (at least most of the time )

Recluse.
Used to be very outgoing, but after a few 'trust' issues with 'friends', I dropped friendships. Dropped church because of gossip. I find that the baggage friendships bring is not worth the benefits.

I am rather private, and don't like the idea of people taking liberties with the facts about my life.

When I lived in a larger metropolitan area, I was happy with many friendly acquaintances. That level of relationship was very comfortable to me. Since moving back to my small hometown, I despise how people so freely discuss other people's personal lives to me,...and I'm sure, about me.

My supervisor at my last job took me into her office and began discussing personal aspects of the secretary's life with me. She was gutting that girl. I am an anti-gossip-type, and when I said things like, "Well, I guess you never know what may have happened to someone to lead them to do such and such"-- "I guess we all have things in our pasts..." she began to dislike me pretty intensely. I knew this was a defining moment in my relationship with my boss, and I knew I should have just feigned prurient interest, but it was a matter of integrity for me. This is another reason I don't put myself forward for interpersonal interaction. All the faking involved. Pretend like this is OK with you; laugh at that, even though it's offensive...

Just not worth it, to me.

Was that you, I saw the other night dancing on Boston Common?

More of a recluse than out going, not that I particularly like it. I just do not seem to connect with most people.

Can't say.
I have a lot of friends. I also have a few friendships that have lasted several decades.
I like to go out with them, but end up doing it less than I want to... perhaps I don't really want to that much... but I do...

I truly enjoy being with other people but only have 4, or so, close friends. When I'm working on a project, I like to be left alone but also like group work. I don't do well by myself. This is tough because my wife is out of town for months at a time. (This time since Dec 26th). I live in the country so I can't just pop in on someone a mile away. Plus, I don't want to. I am not a private person. I could say that in all caps! I'm the sort of person that if I am asked a persoanl question, I answer it. My answer might freak you out but, you asked. I am open about those things that pertrain to my life and experience but not about my wife or others I know. Their lives are theirs alone to discuss. I do well in interacting with others and love to listen to them (really listen) and watch them. I like to see people interact and it is constant source of facination for me. That is what frustrates me about relationships online. I can't see the person; especially thier body language, facial expression or their eyes. All three often say much more than what eminates from the mouth!

Boy, 53% independent people on the eve of Independence Day!

And, I tend to gravitate toward people who use the "F" word and are willing to tell me to kiss their ass if that is what they feel. We all need it once in a while!

Yay morganwood! My wife is the same way. The other day was Canada Day, and we actually had some time together. She gets an e-mail from her crazy friend who has been winging over this guy and their non-committal relationship for some time now....friend apparently found out boyfriend has been seeing other women. She writes: "I really hope we can hang out together today, because I just need a shoulder to cry on." Wife thinks, oh yeah, that sounds like fun...says to her: "No, you are an adult, you were also dating other guys, so how dare you hold this over his head, and I am just not willing to hold your hand through this anymore." Afterwards, she told me "I know she's going to go away and cry now, but f--- her, it's my day off." Guess I am attracted to the same kind of people

When I was in my 20's and 30's, I was very 'busy' socially. I don't think I was ever at home. Somewhere in my 40's, starting with marriage to someone who prefers not to be 'busy', I changed. Many of the old aquaintances have dropped out of my life and I've gotten used to just having a few friends, and doing a lot of things alone. Being alone is a priviledge, actually, since being a teacher and mom require a lot of social activity.

Since my mid-forties, I started eating my lunch alone in the park, just to get a quiet space for myself for once during the day.

I used to be one of those listeners to whom everyone would confide their deepest darkest problems. That changed, right around the time I turned 50, (I'll be 51 in August) when I finally learned that people telling you their secrets is not the road to true friendship. Now I'm in tune with Morganwood, more inclined to not care what people think of me, though I haven't actually told anyone to kiss my ass yet. You're right Phoenix, it is getting better. I like this dawning feeling of not being a people-pleaser any more.