9
   

relinquishing parental rights

 
 
t3ship
 
Reply Wed 20 Dec, 2006 04:59 pm
I'm from Texas, and as I understand it, the laws for terminating your parental rights are different in ea. state. My ex-husband has decided that he cannot live off of the child support that the state has ordered him to pay, $385 for 2 kids, per month, and so he just wants to give them up. Can he legally do that?? Can you just say, hey, I don't want to be a dad anymore, and just sign them away? My husband now would gladly adopt them, but I'm just not sure what is best for the kids, any ideas??
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Type: Discussion • Score: 9 • Views: 14,250 • Replies: 30
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Ticomaya
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Dec, 2006 05:13 pm
It's a complicated question you ask, and one that is probably not best answered by strangers on an Internet forum. ----> What is in the best interests of the children?

Your ex- cannot simply wash his hands of the children -- unilaterally terminate his parental rights -- to avoid paying child support. So, no, you cannot just say "I don't want to be a dad anymore." If your current husband would like to adopt them, however, that will likely terminate your ex's responsibility to support the children, along with all of his parental rights.

Now, it may well be that a step-parent adoption is in the best interests of the children, given the lack of interest that your ex- has indicated in being a positive and stable force in the lives of your children. But it might also be that having him remain their father is in their best interests, even given his selfish and greedy thoughts of today.

What do you think?
0 Replies
 
t3ship
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Dec, 2006 05:20 pm
yeah, i just needed a sounding board, even if you are a stranger!!!
it bothers me...
I've had a day or 2 to think about it, but I can't think of a good reason not to let him go ahead and do it. He doesn't see them often, maybe twice a year, and he calls maybe once every other month. When he does see them, it confuses them and it really messes them up. They are little, 5 and 6, and they just don't understand. My husband provides for them, and of course, he's there for everything they do, he's been around since my youngest one was 2, so it's really the only daddy that they've known. it's just that my ex thinks that he can still come and go in their life as he pleases, even after signing over his rights ( i know, he's not all there, I think) I have tried to explain how this is not revokable, he can't undo it... blah blah blah, but see, he wants to give them up, but he doesn't want my husband to adopt, so he wants to have his cake and eat it to... I just can't decide if I really want to give him an "easy out". He needs to learn the consequences of his actions... but I don't want to teach him a lesson at the expense of my childrens emotions... it feels like a catch 22
Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Dec, 2006 05:21 pm
I just want to say that I think it's sad that a father does not think his children are worth $385 per month. Maybe when he is old his children will think the same thing and decide it is better for him to drop dead than for them to help him with any problems he might have.
FreeDuck
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Dec, 2006 06:19 pm
If it were me, I would only consider allowing him to terminate his rights if my husband intended to adopt them. Terminating his rights without the adoption cannot possibly be in the best interest of the kids -- no dad AND no support. Legally, I don't know if it's possible to terminate without an impending adoption. But Tico might know.
0 Replies
 
Ticomaya
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Dec, 2006 06:55 pm
FreeDuck wrote:
Legally, I don't know if it's possible to terminate without an impending adoption. But Tico might know.


No, not unilaterally. (At least not in Kansas, and I imagine not in Texas.)
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Dec, 2006 07:55 pm
My sister-in-law lives in Texas and gave birth to an unplanned baby there. By mutual agreement, the father's rights were signed away even though there was no other father figure in the picture (she hasn't ever married). Her own parents, the child's grandparents, are very much involved though so that might have been a mitigating factor.
0 Replies
 
Ticomaya
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Dec, 2006 08:26 pm
Yep, I imagined wrongly. It is permissible in Texas if deemed in the best interests of the child.

Quote:
V.T.C.A. § 161.005. Termination When Parent is Petitioner

(a) A parent may file a suit for termination of the petitioner's parent-child relationship. The court may order termination if termination is in the best interest of the child.

....

§ 161.101. Petition Allegations

A petition for the termination of the parent-child relationship is sufficient without the necessity of specifying the underlying facts if the petition alleges in the statutory language the ground for the termination and that termination is in the best interest of the child.

....
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 Dec, 2006 04:34 am
It seems to me that the kids would be better off without the so-called "father". If your present husband wants to adopt the children, I think that would be wonderful. But your ex needs to understand that if he gives up his parental rights, he is not to pop in and out of their lives (for at least the time that they are minors).

If I were you, I would engage a competent attorney, experienced in these kinds of matters.
0 Replies
 
t3ship
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 Dec, 2006 09:37 am
I have a meeting with a lawyer after the holidays to discuss what my options are, if I even have a say in the matter, since what he wants to do is entirely the ex's decision.

tico, maybe you can help explain, what might my options be if something were to ever happen to my husband after he adopted the children?? Is there no going back to the biological father, that to, is something that is of some concern to me. My husband is not in the best of health, and it is just something that I have started to think about, just "what if" my husband adopts them, and something happens to my husband? Will I then be left to care for them alone?? I don't think that I could make it all by myself with them. I just had a new baby with my husband, and that would leave me with 3 to care for alone. Is there any way in that situation that the ex would then be bound to support his children, if he signs over his rights?

I do want to say thank you to all who have pitched in on this though...
I feel like this is a major fork in the road for me, and you have all been so kind.
0 Replies
 
Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 Dec, 2006 09:40 am
I'm no lawyer T3, but I suggest you and your current husband get a really good life insurance policy and make sure it includes a clause to pay off any mortgage and/or debts. I also suggest you close down the baby making factory if the future is so uncertain.
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 Dec, 2006 09:40 am
Hi t3ship,

Very glad you will be seeing a lawyer, good move.

My non-lawyer impression is that once the rights are signed away, they're signed away, period. With my sister-in-law, if anything happens to her parents, her child's father won't be required to do anything. The signing-away is permanent.

That doesn't mean you can't set up safety nets of other types, insurance, wills, godparents or equivalents, etc.
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 Dec, 2006 02:37 pm
T3ship--

The child support hassle is very familiar to me. Two of my stepsons are Deadbeat Daddies. Their father and I are ashamed of them.

The court is going to insist that you act in the best interests of your children. Your kids' father might not be all that great in the inspirational, role-playing department, but I'm sure that monthly child support check is very welcome.

Your present husband's health is certainly a factor in the children's financial security. I'd talk--and listen--to your lawyer and ask him to recommend a good financial planner.

If your Ex gave up his parental rights, he'd be out of your life--or perhaps he wouldn't be. Either way the child support check would be gone forever.

Hold your dominion.
0 Replies
 
t3ship
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 Dec, 2006 05:02 pm
to any who do care, the baby factory is permantly shut down!! Smile

it's certainly very hard to decide what is best for your kids, but their daddy hasn't been around much, it just hurts to see them hurting.

To Noddy24, should I try to contact his mother? She hasn't been interested in seeing them either, but I would hate for him to do this, and her not know about it. How would you feel about it?
The last time she saw them or talked to them was in May, and before that it was Christmas 2 years ago. It's like his whole family doesn't care about them... The sad thing is that they are 2 wonderful children, and they think that their daddy hung the moon. I don't correct them, I think it's best that they find out the truth for themselves, in their own time.
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Dec, 2006 02:15 pm
T3ship--

Each of my no-good stepsons had two children by two different women. Mr. Noddy and I are in touch with three of the four families. Only two of the Mothers are happy to have us as full-time grandparents and both of them live at a bit of a distance.

Personally, I would not contact your ex-mother-in-law. This would just give you another person to be angry with. Believe me, parents might be able to influence their adult children's behavior, but they can't enforce any rules about parental responsibilities.

As I said earlier, your children's father doesn't seem to be very good about the Inspirational Moments or Day to Day Guidance, but the Child Support Checks probably come in very handy.

You're absolutely right that eventually your kids will come to realize that there is more to being a Daddy than the occasional Special Occasion. All you have to do is keep smiling and survive until they are raised. This won't be easy, but it is possible.

Hang in there.
0 Replies
 
thecuttiegrl79
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2008 03:59 pm
father signing rghts away
im currently in the same boat my sons father has willingly decided to sign all rights over; at first i was also confused but when i see my son with my new husband theres no reason why my son shouldnt have a real dad.my husband will be adopting my son soon and thats who he will grow to know as his dad.. if he decides to look for his biological father when he is older thatll be out of my hands but atleast i did my best for him and gave him a real family wiht mom and dad there for him..theres a saying about biological dads and real dads but i dont remember
0 Replies
 
aliacosta09
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 Dec, 2008 04:15 pm
@t3ship,
I have the same problem. The father of my child wants to give up his rights also. I am recently married and my husband is more than willing to adopt my son. My son's father drives around without him in a car seat (he is only 3 and less than 30lbs), dropped him off at daycare (which is open 24hours) for a whole weekend without picking him up. I don't know why he wants to give him up, I don't thinks its the child support I only get $160 a month. He may be leaving the country and going back to El Salvador.
I believe it is in the best interest of my son. Mu husband is there everyday, feeds him, puts him to bed, watches him while I am in classes at night. The hardest thing for me is that my son knows his father, we were never married but lived together before, and asks to see him sometimes.
What am I suppose to tell him? Now and in the future? How will he take it 7 or 8 years from now when he learns the truth? Is it better just to pass my husband off as his father even though it is a lie?
0 Replies
 
pinky lee
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Mar, 2009 06:03 pm
@Green Witch,
i'm a mother who gave up my rights. i couldn't afford the increase they were asking. i worked 2 fast food jobs. getting may 35 hours at one and 30 at the other. my rent was 465. add everything else in and a 200 car payment doesn't go very far. my daughter was a month off being 17. i didn't give her up or didn't care about her anymore. i did what i had to do to survive. before judging someone walk in their shoes. it killed me to do and she didn't understand at the time. still really doesn't. i'm the egg donor now and the previous 17 years as her mom i'm now a failure and horrible mom. it was a hard decision but did i do the right thing? i don't know. i did it. it's in the past and i want a future with her now. she choose to stop talking to me. her dad and step-mom didn't say she had to. i know she did it out of pain and hurt. but i feel she will never understand i never meant to hurt her or give HER up just the money.
0 Replies
 
dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Mar, 2009 06:40 pm
@Ticomaya,
Ticomaya wrote:

Yep, I imagined wrongly. It is permissible in Texas if deemed in the best interests of the child.

Quote:
V.T.C.A. § 161.005. Termination When Parent is Petitioner

(a) A parent may file a suit for termination of the petitioner's parent-child relationship. The court may order termination if termination is in the best interest of the child.

....

§ 161.101. Petition Allegations

A petition for the termination of the parent-child relationship is sufficient without the necessity of specifying the underlying facts if the petition alleges in the statutory language the ground for the termination and that termination is in the best interest of the child.

....

same as colorado.
0 Replies
 
meme783
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jul, 2009 10:47 am
@t3ship,
even if he gives up his rights he'll most likely still have to pay child support. the only way he will be relieved of his financial responsibilities is if your current husband adopts them then he will be financially responsible for them. if your ex husband is having financial difficulties then i believe both of you can go back to court to have his payments lowered if you agree if it really is about the kids having their father and not money.
0 Replies
 
 

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