How the hell do you cook a turkey?

Gus, first you have to pluck it. Get rid of the feathers before you put it in the oven. I should have told you this yesterday. Sorry.

Are you sure?

Oh.... pluck.

Never mind.

gives a whole new meaning to the term stuff the bird.

What have you learned here Gus?

Just because it tastes salty doesn't mean it's blood.

Was it already dead when you put it in the oven? Or did you figuire the heat would do the job?

Flame thrower. Plus, it's fun.

Oh my god, you're supposed to cook it??

Where does it say that on the label??

Mine says No antibiotics, so I didn't give it any.

Joe(I thought it was a little chewy)Nation

1-800-pizzahut.

Gus, just toss it on the bonfire.

Were goin totally green this year. In order tosave energy. We put our turkey, alll warpped up in lunimun fawl, and we put it on the engine block of the deisel. Then we drove from Pa to North Carolina. Its moist and tender.(the turky, not the engine block, thats pretty much still hot and hard)

An you thought yer engine block was just good fer drying socks

Best suggestion so far.

I'm sorry I'm late to this thread, but I was busy with my own cooking.
Gus, it sounds like you are trying out the very delicate recipe of Turkey Tartar. Few Americans are familiar with this unusual dish that was invented by Goody Abigail Babcock back in 1623. Mrs. Babcock was too old and sick to cut fire wood that year and Mr. Babcock had died from an Indian tomahawk wound the summer before, but that was not going to stop her from having a proper Thanksgiving. From what you've mentioned I think you have done everything correctly and your meal is ready to serve. If your guests ask you about the blood you should tell them the same thing Mrs. Babcock said: "it's just the cranberry juice marinade, now eat up and God bless everyone of us!".

Hope your day was a big success.

farmer, that sounds rather plausible, you know.
so I don't know if your pulling Gus's leg or if you really did cook your turkey that alternative way.

So, Gus ...

Is it ready yet?

How would you rate the finished result, on a scale of 1 to 10?

Olga-I believe gus was just kidding, the old farts dumb as a brick but it dont mean he cant spit a proper turkey . A country boy will survive,
Actually we had fresh caught fish fer thanksgiving

I rather suspected he was kidding, farmer, but was just checking ... :wink:

You know, with your impeccable green credentials, I almost half-believed you actually could devise a method to cook a turkey in that alternative way! If anyone could, you could! (Mind you, I have been known to be rather gullible.)

Freshly caught fish. Now that would be my preference, rather than truck-loads of turkey! And I'll bet you feel far better than many other folk do today. I suspect many are suffering from turkey over-load!

well, I like fish, but bluefish are kinda gamey and oily. Snapper blues (These are those up to about 20") are milder and when broiled with aflavored butter, they are quite nice.

I heard a section on a cooking show about 2 guys who were travelling across the US in an old car. They cooked their food on top of the engine block and they said that it was pretty good. With modern turbos they put on deisels, there is a big flat space to cook a pizza or something thinner like shicken parts, but not an entire turkey.

I like that! Just imagine: You've travelled miles & miles to get to your camping destination. And, hey presto, your pizza is ready for you when you arrive! No need to light that camp fire, or get out your cooking gear! Brilliant!

Some enterprising car manufacturer should devise a whole turkey cooking option for their next flash model! It'd be a winner, I reckon!

I've seen perfectly serious instructions for cooking fish in the dishwasher -- but on second thought, a truly green person wouldn't own a dishwasher, would they?

gus should have saved himself the trouble of sticking the turkey in the oven .
he could have made himself a fine "turkey tartare" - google only supplies the pix for "steak tatare" (which is a treat to eat !!!) . the meat would look a little lighter , but otherwise not much difference , i'd think .
just think of all the electricity we could save by eating "tartare" - no more brown/black-outs !
enjoy !
hbg