Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Comedian Dan Antopolski has won a prize for the funniest joke of this year's Edinburgh Fringe.

The funnyman, who has previously been nominated for the Perrier award, picked up the trophy from TV channel Dave.

Nine comedy critics sat through thousands of jokes before choosing 27 for viewers to vote on.

The winning joke was a one-liner from 36-year-old Antopolski's show Silent But Deadly - "Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?"

The Londoner proved popular with critics and viewers and another of his jokes made the top 10 list.

The Top 10 jokes were judged to be:

• 1) Dan Antopolski - "Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?"

• 2) Paddy Lennox - "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'."

• 3) Sarah Millican - "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong."

• 4) Zoe Lyons - "I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West."

• 5) Jack Whitehall - "I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."

• 6) Adam Hills - "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."

• 7) Marcus Brigstocke - "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!"

• 8) Rhod Gilbert - "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble."

• 9) Dan Antopolski - "I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't."

• 10) Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) - "I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them."

The judges sat through an average of 60 comedy performances each before creating a shortlist of 27 jokes.

More than 3,000 comedy fans voted, with almost 18% choosing Antopolski's one-liner.

Antopolski said: "I'm delighted to get the prize. Although I have won things before at the Fringe, this definitely means the most to me and that it should unite my loves of hedgehogs, comedy and Dave makes this prize very special."

The judges also listed some of the worst jokes at this year's Fringe.

• Carey Marx - "I'm not doing any Michael Jackson jokes, because they always involve puns about his songs. And that's bad."

• Frank Woodley - "I phoned the swine flu hotline and all I got was crackling."

• Alex Maple - "Michael Jackson only invented the moonwalk so he could sneak up on children."

• Phil Nichol - "She's got a face like a rare Chinese vase - minging."

• Alistair McGowan - "I've just split up from my girlfriend, which is a shame, because it was a long-standing arrangement. Perhaps if we'd sat down a bit more..."

Somebody please explain #9 to me.

In think he is talking abt the Movie Madagascar.

Oh. Now it makes sense.
Arf. Arf.

The problem with having such a thing as a "Perrier award", which is essentially PR including what is known as "corporate hospitality" (drinking free) is that somebody has to come first in order to extract the real meaning. It is of no consequence how bad (unfunny) the jokes are and judging from the top ten they were definitely bad.

Mr Wooley's crack is the only one in that dire pile of drivel that produced the slightest movement in my facial muscles.

Read the title of the thread, son.

I have Ed.

I was testing whether you still had me on Ignore.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980's.
Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster, extremely jealous, and in his twisted mind, loved Jodie Foster to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan.
There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having been rehabilitated. Consequently, you may appreciate the following letter from Nancy Reagan to the staff at the mental facility treating Hinckley:

To: John Hinckley
From: Mrs. Nancy Reagan

My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our fine country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is a nonpartisan consensus of compassion and forgiveness throughout.

The Reagan family and I want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all, are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. We are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man.

Best wishes,
Nancy Reagan & Family

P.S. While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that.

That's been recycled too many times. I think Al Gore was the first one to be mentioned.

I wouldn't call it a bad joke. It is rather good actually although of questionable taste. It dates back to Othello. At least.

Well, you've been around a bit longer than I have, Andy - that's a first time
for me. Thought it was apropos for Nancy who in my view had always been
a closet bitch.

She's a handful is our Cal don't you think Andy?

You should beware of trying to get one up on her.

Spendi, Andi and I have met in San Francisco - so we're cool!

One presumes that you are un-cool then with people you haven't met in Frisco.


I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind'?
He gave me a kite.

Absolutely. And sometimes she didn't even hide in the closet.

I would never try to, Spendi. CJ is good people.

Poor Hinckley. Obviously he did not realize that Jody Foster is gay.

All that meat and no taters.

I haven't yet heard of anybody who was in a meet not being. Going to a meet seems to be a surefire way of being spoken of approvingly.

cicerone quotes Einstein as saying that human stupidity is infinite and yet there are no stupid people at any of the meets. It's amazing. A statistical aberration.