If you've forgotten how to throw a boomerang, don't worry. It'll eventually come back to you.
“Teacher, teacher…Tommy got hit by a bolt of lightning during that storm last night. Hit him right in the ass.”
“Oh, that is terrible,” Johnny, “but you really should say “rectum.”
“Wrecked ‘em, my ass! It killed him.”
@hingehead,
I like it. You are a very astute selector of funny stuff.
@glitterbag,
Dang, that means I'm a failure on this thread.
3 drunk guys entered a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination".
The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you".
The 3rd guy slapped the driver.
The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did.
But then he asked "What was that for?".
The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
Arrives at airport checkin*
Me: I've never been to the rainforest. I'm really excited!
-Ticket please
Me: [Hands her Amazon Gift Card]
@hingehead,
That was not a joke, that was something stupid...
@carloslebaron,
carloslebaron wrote:
That was not a joke, that was something stupid...
Says the authority on funny jokes.
@carloslebaron,
I'm grateful your suffering was brief Carlos.
Lifted from Tumblr: My friend David lost his ID.
Now we have to call him Dav.
@FBM,
FBM wrote:
Lifted from Tumblr: My friend David lost his ID.
Now we have to call him Dav.
I suppose there might be some way this 'joke' could get even worse. I just don't see how.
Congratulations and thank you.
A farmer bought a parrot. The parrot was capable to repeat every word the farmer says, but the word "sheep".
The owner was very disappointed with this situation, and it was in his mind to the point of getting drunk, coming back home, take the parrot holding his neck with one hand and ask.
-Say "sheep".
-Waaakk!-, answered the parrot.
Then, the farmer started to hit its head several times, bonk! bonk! bonk!... and threw it away from him.
This scenario started to become very often.
-Say "sheep".
-Waaakkk!
Bonk! Bonk! Bonk!...
After a few days, the farmer noticed that every morning, early when he went to pick up eggs, there were two or more chicks dead on the floor. And this situation started to become a daily scenario in front of him.
So, the farmer decided to investigate what was going on. That night, after hitting the parrot in his daily routine, the farmer went to bed. But he woke up in the middle of the night, took his rifle, and went out to the chicken shed and investigate what was happening with the little chicks.
He almost fell sleeping after a long waiting when he saw the parrot coming stealthily, and looking from one side to another, the parrot took a little chick from its neck and said.
-Say "sheep"
-Cheep!- said the little chick.
-With an "s" idiot!
Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk!...
@carloslebaron,
If the farmer picked up the eggs every day how were there any chicks?
Ted Cruz ran for President......
@blueveinedthrobber,
blueveinedthrobber wrote:
Ted Cruz ran for President......
There's the winner, Worst joke so far.
