@hingehead,
Sorry about that, hinge. I liked those 2 so much that I was cutting and pasting to post them on another site. Got mixed up. (blush)
@Region Philbis,
That's funny...I had to share
@spikepipsqueak,
No apology required at all, it just tweaked my memory because that line is on some old vinyl I own and it made me wonder if I'd ever posted it- I had... In 2004! Once a decade for repeats is more than reasonable
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door of the Lexus. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and it wasn't more than 5 minutes before a policeman pulled up.
Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Didn't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"My God!" screamed the lawyer, "Where is my Rolex?"
@Region Philbis,
Too funny! No, wait, I didn't mean that.
A man walks into a bar with a big lizard on his shoulder.
Bartender asks, "What's your lizard's name?"
The man replies, "Tiny".
Bartender says , "Why do you call him Tiny?"
The man answers, "Because he's my newt."
That was really awful . . . i congratulate you.
NSFW warning - scroll down or avert your eyes this joke may contain sexual references.
A teacher asked her class to name things that ended with 'tor' that ate
things.
The first little boy said, "Alligator."
"Very good James, that's a big word."
The second boy said, "Predator."
"Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done."
Little Johnny says, "Vibrator."
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word
Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything."
"Well my sister has one and she says it eats ******* batteries like
there's no tomorrow!"
I ordered some festive German Sausage from a new internet supplier this year, which is due to be delivered around the 17th December.
I'm expecting the Wurst.
@cherrie,
The 'my newt' joke is particularly bad because newts aren't lizards - they're amphibians not reptiles.
Just sayin' 'Well done'.
@hingehead,
HH, Can't tell you how I fought with myself not to mention this.
@Roberta,
You have infinitely more grace and less anality than I do Boida.
