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My son went to prison and I'm afraid for him!!!!!

 
 
Reply Fri 1 Sep, 2006 02:18 am
My oldest son is going to be 25 yrs old this month. On May 1st he was sentenced to 5 yrs. in prison for willful injury & going armed with intent. Last summer he went to aid a friend who was getting into an argument with a couple guys. He had a pocket knife that he always carried, he didn't just put it in his pocket just to take with him that night. He's always carried one since he got his first one from his dad & I as a Birthday gift when he was about 13 yrs. old. But, on THIS night, he got into a fist fight he couldn't win. He was on the losing end, & pulled out his knife & stabbed the guy in the chest, missing his heart by inches! The guy is OK now, & it never should have happened, I know. My son has been in trouble for fighting, DUI's, driving while barred, amongst other stuff since he was around 14 yrs old. That's when I divorced his step-father who had helped raise him since he was born.
His step dad exited his life at that point & never looked back. His biological father is disabled from a terrible car accident, even though he loves our son, he really can't help much. I worry everyday that someone is going to hurt him in there! Sometimes I can't stop crying until I cry myself to sleep. His bio father spent time in prison when he was about the same age as our son, & he was raped!!! And he made the mistake of telling me about it & now I'm scared to death for my boy! Do any of you know anything about how prisoners are or aren't protected? He's in a medium security State Pen in Iowa.
Any words of incouragement would be greatly appreciated!!!
Thanks! Crying or Very sad
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 1 Sep, 2006 02:29 am
You are 38 now, then?

Not to be mean, Jmparrack, but you post a bunch of difficult and varying circumstances.

Yes, some of us do understand the difficulties you describe, whichever poster under your screen name you are.
If all this is true, I'm very sorry and hope you can get him help - first to understand stabbing someone isn't ok, and then for whatever legal help he can get.
Phoenix32890
 
  2  
Reply Fri 1 Sep, 2006 04:33 am
One of the hardest lessons that a young person needs to learn is that actions have consequences. Your son obviously set a certain course in life, and apparently, prison was the inevitable conclusion.

As a mother, we all want the best for our children. We want them to be happy, healthy and successful. In some cases, our wants and desires simply do not work out.

As a mother, it is difficult to simply stand by while your child is making mistakes that will cloud his life. All you can do is be very supportive. Visit him often. Send him "Care" packages. Start to talk to him about what he plans to do with his life when he is released. Focus on the future.

There is nothing that you can do about life in the prison. But you can show your son that you love him, believe in him, and know that he will turn his life around when he is a free man.
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jeanniefranks
 
  1  
Reply Fri 1 Sep, 2006 04:34 am
Thankyou for replying so quickly! I know there was some confusion about me because I let my 38 yr old sister use my login & she posted a thread before I even did! I had no idea how much confusion that was going to cause. I'm 45 yrs. old.
I know it's wrong to stab someone, & my son knows that now too. At least he knows he can't get away with it! He is waiting to start a program in prison called T.O.W. (The Other Way). It's supposed to teach inmates how to think & act The Other Way using the same principles that AA uses. I think it will be good for him. I just hope he pays attention & learns from all this! He has two beautiful children, a 4 yr old son & 3 yr old daughter. He plans to marry their mother as soon as he gets out. He's hoping to get paroled early next summer.
But yes, my circumstances are all very true! There is, & always has been a lot of things going on in my life. That's why it was suggested to me to start this new thread. I recently had worries that my boyfriend (then fiance) was going to leave me, & he's 11 months younger than my oldest son, who I'm concerned about in this thread. I've been told more than once that I should write a book. If I were a celebrity maybe I would! But, I'm just an average citizen with what I think, is more than my share of drama.
I've pointed out before in another thread, but I'll assure you again that my 38 yr old sister will NOT be using my login ever again.
I really appreciate your input! Thanks!
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stuh505
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Sep, 2006 08:45 am
You're 45 and your fiance is 24. Wow! How is your 25 year old son taking that?
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shewolfnm
 
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Reply Sun 3 Sep, 2006 09:01 am
http://elouai.com/images/yahoo/a19.gif
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Swimpy
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Sep, 2006 09:12 am
Oh those wacky kids!
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jeanniefranks
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Sep, 2006 09:20 am
My son doesn't like the age of my fiance, but he does like him as a person. Everyone in my family has a hard time with the age difference, but nobody in his family sees a problem with it. His family is a lot more open minded than mine. Or, maybe my family is just more realistic? I'm not sure. I just wish they could be happy that I'M happy. I know they're afraid that someday he will more than likely decide that I'm too old & break my heart to date a much younger girl. But I've known that was a possibility from the start. But right now, I'm happy & I think that's what matters. I try not to worry about the future TOO much. I try to remember that today is all we really have for sure. Tomorrow may never come! One of these days will be our last, & we won't know which day that is. So we should always live each day as if it COULD be our last.
As far as my sons soon to be wife being invovled in a drug business, she's not. She used to smoke pot once in awhile with friends if they had it to share but she hasn't ever been into it enough to spend money on it or anything. I don't do illegal drugs myself, but I don't consider pot to be anymore dangerous than alcohol (which IS legal), and it's certainly safer than cigarettes. But the kind of drugs my sons fiances new babies bio dad is mixed up in is meth. VERY dangerous!!!! I watched it tear apart one of my other sisters life. I have 3 sisters (& 1 brother) by the way. I'm the oldest.
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Red River
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Sep, 2006 09:33 am
Prison can be a very, very dangerous place, especially for a young, good looking male or female.

How will your son protect himself against the evil that permeates all prisons?
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Sep, 2006 09:34 am
He's lucky he didn't kill him. Then he'd be in prison a lot longer.
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Sep, 2006 11:21 am
I Googled "Iowa Prisons" and found this site.

http://www.doc.state.ia.us/InstitutionDesc.asp

Right now your son fits the cliche, "own worst enemy". Phoenix has some good ideas about visiting as often as you can and keeping in touch through frequent snail mails. He's 25 years old and this is all you can do.

I believe you mentioned on another thread that you have two younger daughters living with you? Encourage them to apply themselves to school work and to make plans for futures than don't depend on Men-Who-Are-Trouble.

Good luck.
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jeanniefranks
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Sep, 2006 12:31 pm
You're right about prison being very dangerous! He's only been there since May 1st & already 1 guy has died, he saw another one get his leg broken so bad the bone was sticking out, and he's seen homosexual sex. He assumes the sex act was consensual because the guy didn't complain.
My son is a very good-looking guy. I'm not just saying that because I'm his mom. He has always been very popular with the girls. He's a weight lifter, so he's strong, and he has a lot of experience with fighting, but he's 1/2 Japanese so he's relatively small in stature. That's why I worry about his safety. But he does have a lot of friends in there already & hopefully they will help keep him safe.
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jeanniefranks
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Sep, 2006 12:37 pm
Noddy, thanks for the link! That's where he is! I read there about the protection offered for prisoners who are at risk for being victimized. That makes me feel a little better.
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cyphercat
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Sep, 2006 12:58 pm
One thing jumped out at me from your first post: that your son's biological father "made the mistake" of telling you what had happened to him in prison. Now, I think that you're saying it was a mistake because now you're more worried about your son and what might happen to him, but I just wanted to be sure you weren't saying it was just a bad thing for him to have talked about it at all.

I only bring this up because I just watched a movie about young men's experiences in prison, and really what messed them up was not having anyone to talk to about what happened to them. Whatever your son sees and goes through in jail, the most important thing is that he feels he can tell you anything. If it ever came up between you and your son that you wished his father hadn't talked to you about things, your son might feel that he can't talk to you either.

Make sure he knows you're there for him no matter what, I think that's one of the most important things you can do for him.
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justsomeone
 
  1  
Reply Fri 3 Nov, 2006 10:06 pm
Your son
First off, it sounds like you're pretty proud of your son for being a fighter, and a trouble maker, so if you really care about him maybe you should look inside of yourself and see what sort of guidance you have offered in the past, and maybe think about what you could do differently. That being said your son is responsible for his own actions, and if he's "made alot of friends in prison I can tell you from experience he's headed in the wrong direction even more now than before. I spent more than enough time in prison (more than your son will) and I can tell you that prison is full of people that spend their lives coming and going from one institution to another. Good human beings are a rare thing in prison, and they don't tend to have alot of friends inside. If your son is serious about changing he needs to focus on his children. Many prisons have programs for fathers to be more involved with their kids from the inside. If your son hasn't already done some serious soul searching yet, I'd put every dollar I have on the fact that he'll be back in prison within a few years of his release. Usually a person faced with prison time makes alot of decisions early on, the tough part is sticking to them while you finish up your time. Once you've spent a year or more in an institution you've gotten into a pattern. Prison is really easy if you don't care about doing something with yourself, all you have to do is lift weights, watch t.v., and maybe work a little job. There is no responsibility, or for that matter accountability. If this doesn't change him, he's lost until something more drastic happens.
As far as protective custody goes, only punks and victims go to pc. Unless your son can accept the thought of being considered a "punk" he'd never pc up. People don't just victimize people in prison just because. They do it because they know that person either won't fight back, or because they've broken the convict code. Your son is'nt a sex offender and in prison his "beef" is considered a good one so he's probably not a high risk for being victimized as long as he stays away from drugs, gambling, and sex. Those things can get you killed.
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NickFun
 
  1  
Reply Fri 3 Nov, 2006 11:03 pm
I have a cousin who assaulted a man and went to jail for six months. The night after he was released from jail he assaulted the same guy AGAIN! This time he got 5 years. I'm afraid there is no cure for stupidity!
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Nov, 2006 08:34 am
NickFun wrote:
I have a cousin who assaulted a man and went to jail for six months. The night after he was released from jail he assaulted the same guy AGAIN! This time he got 5 years. I'm afraid there is no cure for stupidity!


Six months just for assault??? Did he really hurt the guy or what?
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jeanniefranks
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Nov, 2006 12:34 pm
I sure appreciatiate all your thoughts & ideas on this for me. This is the first time I've had to face Christmas without having all 4 of my kids together. It's going to be so hard!
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Nov, 2006 02:09 pm
Unfortunately, families as well as inmates, suffer on the holidays.

Will you be able to send him a package? I believe you mentioned that he had children? Can he arrange to send something to his children?
NickFun
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Nov, 2006 08:55 pm
Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:
NickFun wrote:
I have a cousin who assaulted a man and went to jail for six months. The night after he was released from jail he assaulted the same guy AGAIN! This time he got 5 years. I'm afraid there is no cure for stupidity!


Six months just for assault??? Did he really hurt the guy or what?


My cousin was already on probation for hitting his girlfriend. He's what's refered to in the industry as an "idiot".
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