Asherman--
I liked the skeleton, where the story went, the basic story-- All of it.
I've got a lot of nerve to say anything to such a great writer--but for what it's worth--
The story moved rapidly, without me getting a more personal plug into your main character. I know you cut the story, and this may have been some of what you cut.
I thought what would perfect that great, moving piece was a little, more personal touch on behalf of the main character. I looked back over the story to try to define better (for you and for me) what I felt was missing. Most of your protagonist's verbs are actions. (A man thing, perhaps?) She doesn't stop the action and expound on her feelings about it.
I do think your last part on the ledge is best without her feelings; exactly as you have it. By then, we can imagine them, and that is better.
I so enjoy your creations!
Re: Betrayal
Hi Asherman, long, long time! Good to read your postings again. Oh, I like this little taste of an angry young person. Is there more somewhere?
Hi everyone else. It's nice to read all the familiar names again. I am so busy these days I have very little time to spend on the net. Single, working mom and houseowner, with an ambition to write novels -!
