Montana, pardon me for being such a nudge, but don't you think it's incumbent upon you to hold your prospective lover to very high standards? You must, I think, evaluate his character with great objectivity, with great scrutiny, BECAUSE this is how you can evaluate your own mind, your own attitude to men. If you intentionally (but unconsciously) overlook his faults, accepting, for example, his justfifications for cheating on his girlfriend, or even possibly abusing her (physically or mentally), you will see that you are not yet out of your own trap.
Who said that we spin the webs of meaning and desires of our lives and get caught in them.
I wish I had followed this advice when I was young.
Believe me, I don't overlook his faults. I know he has them as I've seen some of them, just like he's seen some of my faults, but that doesn't make him a bad man.
If he was cheating on his girlfriend, he would have already tried to cheat on her with me, but he hasn't, so this earns very much respect from me.
If I spend the rest of my life saying "what if he's this or that", I'll be alone forever.
I spent the last 8 years without a man in my life and I'm beyond lonely, so I have to take a chance sometime.
I know he's not an alcoholic and isn't cheating on his girlfriend, so I'd be willing to take my chances.
I also know people at work who are friends with women he's gone out with and not once did I ever hear anything mentioned about abuse.
A few said he was weird, but people from around here think everyone who isn't from around here are weird, including me.
We can be weird together :-D
I'm truly not the same person I was when I was with the alcoholics, so I'll pass on the shrink.