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Tue 23 May, 2006 05:50 pm
The president, hurting, because the public has turned away from him in droves, has begun acting like a petulant child. He last evening, in a fit of pique, threw all his medals into the garbage disposer and was prepared to power them down the drain. But, just then, Laura Bush came to the rescue. She scolded him and slapped his hands, then sent him to the Oval Office until he could calm down again. She pulled the medals, which were none the worse for wear, out and laid them on display atop a table, which had been a gift from Putin, or the Dalai Lama, she was no longer sure which. The president sheepishly came back twenty minutes later, and said, "All those brave souls that died in Vienam, my heroism too, would be told in vain due to my medals if they weren't displaying here." Laura nodded understandingly. "Of course," she said.
edgar, is this straight stuff, or are you joking?
Poetic licence, perhaps? George never left U.S. soil. :-)
It has been a tough year, so far, for the president. That same week which witnessed him turn away from his hard won medals, if just during a moment's despair, also saw him lurk near a liquor cabinet once too often. His wife payed the penalty for not overseeing him in a time of deep depression. He stumbled like Cheney at a hunting range, upsetting Laura's neat stack of invitations, lurching through a back entrance into the neatly manicured garden, where the new dog, Checkers lay licking himself. "Fool me once, shame- -on- -on you, me- -on- Oh, pooey. I'll never get it right." He stood near the dog, as he urinated on a daisy. Grinning at Checkers, "Is our puppies learning?" he asked. "Is Rove?" he said, darkening.
"Laura!" he shouted. "Has anybody invaded the Phillipines lately?"
Thwarted in his whim to invade the Phillipines, the president sat alone in Lincoln's bedroom, where he often went to commune with the dead emancipator. "Fool me once, shame on . . . Rats! Mr Lincoln, I never read any books past the first grade, but I can add one and D. I can put my hands over my mouth and make a whistle. Want to see me do that? Phhh- Wait. Phhheu- Well, I can; it just don't work right now. I can tell you another thing. World War II didn't happen on my watch. No, sir. I'm pretty much a peace president compared to that. I'm gonna tell Rice to say that. Anyway, nice talking to an equal for a change. Keep up the good work in heaven. Time for my morning drin- walk."
"George."
The president was unsure whether to hide or pretend he did not hear. Laura was using her WTF did you do that for? voice, and he did not relish the prospect. He thought about ducking into the White House garden. Too late! There she came holding out one of the hard earned Vietnam medals from his collection.
"Honey- - '
"Oh shit! Here it comes."
"It says here, made in Taiwan. Is it a fake?"
"Er. Well, is a dead possum a fake? It's no longer a possum."
"It is in Animal Heaven. You know we talked about that."
"It's awfully greasy gravy."
"I want to know about your medals."
"All right. Don't tell Dick. I bought 'em to make him jealous. That secret trip to 'Nam I told you about- - '
"Where you rescued John Wayne and Pat Buchanon."
"I exaggerated just a tad."
"What tad?"
"I really was flying; just not in a plane."
"Oh George. Can I ever believe you again?"
"You mean you actually started? Now you make me feel bad."
It's the truth, so help me.
jesus edgar, you got a direct line to the oval office
you couldn't make this kind of stuff up
djjd
You've heard of out of body experience. Just like the late Tuesday Lobsang Rampa, I can get up out of my body and roam the planet at will. In this wise, I spy on the President any time I want.
Checkers is a very neat touch.
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