Dupre, I'm sure the confusion was all mine. I really misunderstood the context.
Now I'm double confused. Is my Roger being over protective? ;-) Roger is truly a huge part of the gang :-) We need his super powers for sure.
Dupre needs help as well, so we'll need your help for awhile on our bully crusade ;-)
((((Everyone)))) Group hug.
Yeah, I think that would make him feel a bit less macho. I should print up this thread and mail it too him, hahaha!
I think you're right because I am confused, but that's ok. You'll always be my sweetheart. Hey!!! I got your Florance of Arabia hat the other day. It's awesome and you're so sweet.
Well, I did it. Last night at the barn, I was listening in on the guys' conversation and he said the "N" word.
I told him, gently, that I felt obligated to tell him that I find use of the "N" word offensive.
He replied that it's just part of his redneck personality, that it's no different than people calling him "honky" and a string of other words I don't remember.
He told me about his work site, located in a scary part of town and all the problems he's had with the local Black population there. I don't doubt he is telling the truth.
Of course, to me, that part doesn't matter, doesn't keep me from feeling offended.
Anyway, the bottom line is that it went well. It gave him a chance to vent and us a chance to connect.
If he uses it again, I will do the same. Maybe, with repetition, with his talks being gently interrupted on a regular basis, he just won't say it anymore. I mean, I know he likes to have the floor. What better "punishment" than to interrupt his flow.
Thanks for your encouragement.
Bravo dupre!!!! :-D For some of us it really does take a bit of courage to confront someone face to face and you made me one proud puppy ;-)
It was a good opportunity, no kids or wife.
Thanks for your support.
Congratulations, dupre! I'm so proud of you! As I've come fond of seeing Noddy say.....'hold your dominion'! Keep on him ~ it'll sink in eventually.
By the way, had I been there, I think I would have commented by saying 'just because you're a redneck, doesn't mean that your words still don't offend'. He's still not taking responsibility for what comes out of his mouth.
The whole concept of not expressing disagreement because wife or children are in the room is new to me. Surely one can disagree courteously? Only women cannot disagree? Out of respect for the position of the man in the family? mmm?
I agree that he still doesn't get it since he's making excuses, but with a little work on your part I think he might come around to seeing how disrespectful he is being. Then again, some people never do get it.
Keep on truckin dupre ;-)
Rae, thanks. Yes! How about, "It's beneath you to live according to the lowest interpretation of that label. Nobody should be labeled, even you."
ossobuco, I only wish I could explain. I was raised in Houston with a very strong mother. This "woman's place" concept here is new to me and offensive. Lordy, even the women seem to be prejudiced against women.
But things are changing as people from Austin move in and we get some new blood in the area.
It's odd to me that in states like Tennessee, the men are so very polite to woman. Women rule the roost in the Mid-West, too. And just try to stop a woman from New York or New Jersey.
Texas is great, if you don't leave the big cities. Outside of them, well, I just wish I could put it into words.
Montana, thanks. He may not "get" it, but I know without a doubt he "heard" it and will be mulling it over, only because, well, the only other time I "corrected" him (in over 5 years and many encounters) was at the barn one night when he had obviously had too much to drink.
He was being playful, but a little rough with his wife. He wanted to get close and, well, she didn't want to encourage him, then. I think he didn't realize just how hard he was holding her arms. I didn't even realize what was happening until I saw the look of alarm in her eyes.
Anyway, after she got free he sort of looked around to see if he could orient himself, to see where he was going wrong.
I told him, in a gentle way, that he was just full of himself right now. But that that's okay, we almost all of us get full of ourselves at one time or another.
He lay down in the dirt to rest. Then abruptly came up off the ground.
A scorpion had crawled down his shirt.
Ha! He got what he deserved that night!
Anyway, I did what nobody else could have done that night. I don't think he would've "heard" his wife, and, well, a comment from Mr. dupre might have seemed like a challenge.
Looks like you're headed in the right direction dupre. You go girl ;-)
With every anecdote, this fellow seems worse and worse... the look of alarm in his wife's eyes, together with the fact that she didn't do anything, rather freaks me out.
I'd probably be stoned there. Just as well you are handling it.
sozobe, you are right.
The anecdote I will now tell about him . . .
One day, down at the barn, his wife told him the new horse, Peppy, had traveled down the horse rail to the other horse and was nipping at his neck. She told him to come deal with it. He was in the barn eating, so he asked his 13-year-old daughter to deal with it.
While the girl was separating the horses, the rail came off, a huge metal pipe, hit her in the head, the horses went flying, and I was terrified that the horses would trample her,
I yelled, "Get out of there!"
And she scrambled toward me, away from the bucking horses.
He was right there, just a few feet from us, eating in the barn. He proceded to take three more bites of dinner before coming to see about things.
I ran to the house for ice and a flashlight to check her pupils.
When I got back, he was yelling at her about his three-thousand dollar saddle getting a little scarred.
Then, when Mr. dupre tried to recount the situation to him, Bubba yelled at him. I caught Mr. dupre slinking back to the house. But Mr. dupre did follow me back to the barn to hold our ground in defending the little girl.
This time, even his wife stood up to him, and Bubba had a hard time making eye contact for a week.
Yesterday, the son got bucked off a horse, and Bubba was all concern, so I guess he did learn something that day.
I hate to just mention all the bad things. There are some good things. I'm just at a loss to see them right now.
He's like this immature adult trying desperately to find his place. He learns and changes, he's just got a loooooong way to go.
In the meantime, today at lunch, all six of us went to a restaurant. Bubba flirted unmercifully with the waitress while Mrs. Bubba fumed.
She's bitter and darnit, I can't get close to her.
And truly, I don't know what I would say to guide her anyway.
He doesn't seem to understand other people's private space. He doesn't get boundaries.
Today, at the Tractor Supply, he swatted my behind with some purchase in his hand.
I just ignored it as if it didn't even happen. No response. I mean, after the scene with the waitress I really didn't want to draw attention to his behavior at the store.
What should I have done?
I'd have smacked him right back. But on his face-cheek, with the advice to never do what he'd done again.