Having an Affair with a Married Woman

dagmaraka wrote:

my definition? i don't invent definitions. there are standard definitions to go by

prob·lem (prblm)
n.
1. A question to be considered, solved, or answered: math problems; the problem of how to arrange transportation.
2. A situation, matter, or person that presents perplexity or difficulty: was having problems breathing; considered the main problem to be his boss. See Usage Note at dilemma.
3. A misgiving, objection, or complaint: I have a problem with his cynicism.

Opinion is dandy.... though when you tell someone "you're an unworthy scumbag" or something to that effect, it doesn't yield too many results in terms of solving, answering questions, etc.... which is what people asking for advice usually look for. You might feel better about yourself, that's about it.
Now that is my opinion. Take it or leave it. Or pester me with demands for definitions of things hundreds of times defined already.

LOL.

Hmmm - must've hit a nerve.

I agree with your def. (oops - the standard def.) of 'problem'. However by your definition - 2+2 is a problem. My daughter spilled her cereal is a problem. The mail was late to day may be a problem. However none are quite as severe as making the choice to destroy a family because of self-centeredness - as you implied! Now that is my opinion - take it or leave it!

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baddog1 wrote:

However none are quite as severe as making the choice to destroy a family because of self-centeredness

I'll agree that the married people choosing to have affairs have made decisions with possible severe/serious consequences. I find it hard to get wound up about the person who is not part of a marriage/long-term committed partnership.

The unmarried/unpartnered person may have made a bad/stupid decision to continue in the relationship once they know the other person is married, but I don't believe they're responsible for the married person's fidelity/infidelity.

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baddog1 wrote:

I agree with your def. (oops - the standard def.) of 'problem'. However by your definition - 2+2 is a problem. My daughter spilled her cereal is a problem. The mail was late to day may be a problem. However none are quite as severe as making the choice to destroy a family because of self-centeredness - as you implied! Now that is my opinion - take it or leave it!

where did i say all problems are equal? all i'm saying is that i prefer responses that are actually useful to the original poster who comes asking for advice in some way or another.

but i've said that repeatedly, so adieu!

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dagmaraka wrote:

baddog1 wrote:

I agree with your def. (oops - the standard def.) of 'problem'. However by your definition - 2+2 is a problem. My daughter spilled her cereal is a problem. The mail was late to day may be a problem. However none are quite as severe as making the choice to destroy a family because of self-centeredness - as you implied! Now that is my opinion - take it or leave it!

where did i say all problems are equal? all i'm saying is that i prefer responses that are actually useful to the original poster who comes asking for advice in some way or another.

but i've said that repeatedly, so adieu!

I said that you "implied" that all problems are equal. Here is your implication:

Quote:

Just trying to imagine how i'd feel if i came here to discuss a problem of mine and was met with a response like there is in this thread.

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ehBeth wrote:

baddog1 wrote:
However none are quite as severe as making the choice to destroy a family because of self-centeredness

I'll agree that the married people choosing to have affairs have made decisions with possible severe/serious consequences. I find it hard to get wound up about the person who is not part of a marriage/long-term committed partnership.

The unmarried/unpartnered person may have made a bad/stupid decision to continue in the relationship once they know the other person is married, but I don't believe they're responsible for the married person's fidelity/infidelity.

That's an interesting perspective. I wonder if hubby & daughters feel the same way. So if I have the knowledge that your Mom is married & make the choice to have passionate, wild, uninhibited sex with her multiple times in all sorts of positions w/o you or your Dad's knowledge - then you would only consider that I made a bad/stupid decision, but have no responsibility in the adultery?

WOW! Shocked

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You have absolutely no responsibility for my mother's adultery. You can't make that decision/choice for her. She's a grown-up.

Of course, since my father posts here, he may have something to say about your plans - but that's nothing to do with me either.

It's their marriage, not mine or anyone else's.

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I'll stand up for Dagmaraka. I get weary of the dumps on newbie/relative newbie posters asking sincere questions here. It's rude, especially given how the site is explained on the web.

You may not like the questioner's behavior, but instant mockery really looks like instant defensiveness from here.

Not that I haven't done this to newbies myself, but, as mentioned, I've grown not to like it a mode of help to those seeking advice. You can state your opinion without slapping the person asking the question around.

Also, word to the wise, sometimes people here post tongue in cheek.

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Nods along with ehBeth.

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I think the slew of "I'm in love with a married man and can't get him out of my head" threads answers this question quite well for when person posting is a man instead.

*Cut all contact
*Work on your own issues
*Take accountability for your own part

What goes around, comes around!

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(baddog you are confusing implying with assuming. I implied nothing of the sort you took the liberty to assume on my behalf.)

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dagmaraka wrote:

(baddog you are confusing implying with assuming. I implied nothing of the sort you took the liberty to assume on my behalf.)

OK - I'll continue playing along at least for a while.

Title of thread: "Having an Affair with a Married Woman" clearly implies/assumes/whatever that adultery is happening.

You wrote on this thread:

Quote:

"...Just trying to imagine how i'd feel if i came here to discuss a problem of mine and was met with a response like there is in this thread."

Now - please explain to me how your statement is not an implication - but an assumption - as you assert. :wink:

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i don't get how you got "all problems are equal" from the above. all I was implying was that if I was in the shoes of the original poster, I'd be upset and disappointed with the responses. Nothing more, nothing less. You can read into it all you want- but that is your assumption, not my intention.

As all of this is completely unrelated to the topic, you will have to PM me if you want to dissect any of this further. I suggest not.

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baddog1 wrote:

I said that you "implied" that all problems are equal. Here is your implication:

Quote:
Just trying to imagine how i'd feel if i came here to discuss a problem of mine and was met with a response like there is in this thread.

The last time I checked "a problem" doesn't equate to "all problems". In normal english usage "a something" would never equate to "all something."

There is no way dag could have implied "all problems" are equal based on her sentence. You can mangle the English language all you want baddog it doesn't change the way it works.

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baddog1 wrote:

dagmaraka wrote:
(baddog you are confusing implying with assuming. I implied nothing of the sort you took the liberty to assume on my behalf.)

OK - I'll continue playing along at least for a while.

Title of thread: "Having an Affair with a Married Woman" clearly implies/assumes/whatever that adultery is happening.

You wrote on this thread:
Quote:
"...Just trying to imagine how i'd feel if i came here to discuss a problem of mine and was met with a response like there is in this thread."

Now - please explain to me how your statement is not an implication - but an assumption - as you assert. :wink:

You, as in Baddog, assumed that dag meant something that the sentence in no way implied. You, as in Baddog, applied your own definition to the sentence that was completely contrary to the language that was actually used. You, as in Baddog, therefore assumed meaning that was not implied. You, as in Baddog, should go back and take a simple class in the English language since you seem to have problems with even simple sentences.

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How about if her husband is paralyzed from the waist down and can't have sex? Is it alright then?

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What if it's a lesbian couple, and the woman in question just wants to see what a penis feels like? How about then? Can I have sex with a hetero-curious lesbian? Is that wrong?

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How about if the husband is in a coma?

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ehbeth wrote

Quote:

The unmarried/unpartnered person may have made a bad/stupid decision to continue in the relationship once they know the other person is married, but I don't believe they're responsible for the married person's fidelity/infidelity.

I have never understood this line of thinking. If you continue in the relationship when you know the other person is married, aren't you ... uh.. assisting them with breaking their vows?

To me, this is like saying, "The other guy robbed the bank. I just drove the get-away car." You're still an accomplice -- and I believe you share some of the responsibility.

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that's what it seems like to me. it's like when you pour a drink for an alcoholic. it's enabling, except you're perhaps even more actively involved. i'd certainly put some share of responsibility on the 'enabler'.

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Just asking a real question: - is that illegal/ contrary to the law having an affair with a married woman?

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Having an Affair with a Married Woman

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